As I ready myself for work I do have at the back of my head what if?
What if it my chin biopsy comes back skin cancer, and they have to dig into my chin? The Doctor advising me I could use my breast cancer surgeon to do the plastic surgery to make my chin look somewhat normal.
What if, what if what if, my brain was definitely squirrelly, and the what if was renting too much space in my head on Monday. I knew I needed an AA meeting. I knew what if needed to go
What if? I didn’t feel like drinking, I just know what to do when I don’t feel good. I have been gifted the tools today to say I need to get into the rooms to listen. To be open minded, willing, and honest
What if? I wasn’t myself. When the Doctor started talking plastic surgeon I checked out. I could see his mouth moving, but it was too much for my brain with all I have just come up, and out of in the last 2 years. Breast Cancer, and four surgeries later I envisioned myself telling the Doctor to go you know where. Of course I didn’t.
What if? What if? What if? Well I only have today. I live one day, and at times one moment at a time. So I now wait for 2 grueling weeks. I wait, and I see. I trust God, and pray a lot. I take that what if and shove it!
What if? Sure it remains at the back of my head with a bandaid on my chin as I grin. What if is not as overwhelming as it was Monday. That is all thanks to a program God gifted me in AA, and my spiritual house today being clean. I know God has me
What if? I don’t know all I know is I trust my unknown future to a very known God. All I have is right now. So with bandaid on my chin I will manage to grin, and make it through my work day! Happy, Joyous, and free me! What if all I have is today