Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

Drip, and drizzle from within

I sit under low lamp light with quill resting in my hand just right, simply a beautiful sight
Dip, the tip dripping with emotions in the most elegant calligraphy

The feather flirts with the paper in tickles as it writes

Dip the pen into the ink pot, as my thoughts are escaping from within, fleeing to papers spot

The quill makes the heart quiver, as the writer in me comes to life at its sight. Drizzling words the final draft

Leaking my soul for all to uphold the feather take flight upon the paper that is my heart. Art!

Dribbling to no end, hand cramps. Just one more trickle, and its final splash. Declaring “The End”

Feather light put back in it spot, as the lamp is turned off. Writer’s delight to have waltzed delicately in cursive perfectly 

Until we me again, me and that gorgeous feather quill pen. Corybantic to no end, I could pick it up with never ending fervor

Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

Trains go by

My husband, and I are getting ready for a move. It came to me that this will be our first place that we will not be able to hear the train chug by

We will no longer feel the vibration of the pillow beneath our head just as we fall asleep from the whisk of the train bustling fast on the track

We will no longer wake from a startled state just to realize oh it’s the train passing by, oh my *sigh*

We will no longer be able to sit out on our deck, and count the number of cars. It is quite fun, all the different color cars one by one. Our eyes starring hard not to lose track of a single car. Laughing at how different our numbers usually are

We will no longer be able to hear the iron on iron of the great Burlington Northern in our corner, or see their lights as the track divides guiding them on their way. The engineer happy behind his route

You would think in all honesty we would find this to be like a peace treaty. No more trains at our new place. We will no longer be able to hear what is a major part of what makes this part of our blue collar town thrive. The realization is we will miss the sounds of the trains whisking by

We can’t place a dollar amount on the sentiment of the caboose as it trails as last, but always best. We can’t purchase the cherished sound of the horn as the train shouts out to all other trains I’m getting ready to leave. Stampede

So as I write this I am actually kind of sad I will no longer hear the trains, the vibrations under my feet as my whole floor shakes

Our meetings with the train now will be of that of everyone else in a hurry, as the railroad signs fall. All the cars in line waiting for the caboose so we can be on our merry way. Usually though by that point everyone seems aggravated. Me though I have a deeper appreciation for our trains, and what they do for our city

Trains go by, but no longer will they be part of our every day hearing, kind of endearing

It seems we grow more fond of something that at times seems annoying or a grievance once we no longer have it

You never realise the value of something until it’s gone, hence why you should always appreciate the little things in life.

Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

Fairytales, fables, mysterious creatures, and illusions. Open an ancient book where God has the real hook in that of the Bible!

This is no fairy tale or tall tale. I see you Lord crisp as the morning air. Your presence every where

My vision is not skewed. Ears are not muffed, I look around how magestic is your name in all the earth. How pleasing to the ear the echoes of your words in my heart

You did not pull a bunny from a hat, or a coin from out of no where. Apocryphal the mystical creatures we read of in other books of old. No truth to be told in those. All make believe. Something up someone’s sleeve. You created the heavens and the earth, all its features

I am not delustional in all the miracles retold, just as your blood shed for the saving of us is no illusion 

I am firmly planted in the soil that you planted me in. What I hear, and what I see is what you ask of me. I read of truth, hope, and victory. I read of stories of strife, madness, and deep sadness

No fairy tales, real life miracles. A butterfly as a marker of your creation, but no tinker bell sprinkling fairy dust

Just open the word and begin in Genesis creations story unfolds. For you Lord are greater than any of fables creatures. No tall tales here, go hide under the bed if you don’t want fed to The Bridge to Teribithia

Ancient stories that bring God glory. There are giants, devils, and kings, in the Bible, all the makers of the top selling fables. The difference being these stories are real. Not fictitious. Get out the Bible take a look, go on read it. On your knees you may find yourself grovel. Especially if you were ever one to call it a fairy tale or fable. Fictional it is not, may your heart be open to every word written. Enveloped in the stories of old, retold. It is the way, the truth, and life. In it may you delight

Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

I choose to swim…

Been going through a lot, my heart still bares threads. Torn some pieces, edges nudged. Just slightly smudged. Didn’t realize the emotional toll my double mastectomy would take on me

This is my plea, my voice rings out to thee God above. Over mountain peaks, and roof tops I shout this for my heart needs your ear. I need willingness to accept, been very down on myself

I am not poor

I am not shabby

Jesus is my caddy

I am not inferior, or low quality

Jesus is superior

I can’t change the status of my life

I have to grieve

I am not less of a woman

I need to be willing to give myself some grace

I am not subpar

I am not second rate

Jesus is written on my hearts slate

I have to get to a place of acceptance of my new body parts. Art in the making is what it seems. Still trying to wrap my mind around these new things. I guess they call them breasts at best. Jesus hear my plea

So when I look in the mirror things are most definitely different, but I am alive. They are doing there best to make me look great. I try with gratitude to not shake my head with disgrace at the odd shape. Wave my old breasts goodbye. Jesus hear my plea

I will rise above yet another test that God has given me, my prayer is that I swim. Not sink. Pain inflicts, but will not be my fall. I call to thee instead with my plea. Disfigured reflections, I fear rejection. No sensation in either one, numb. Bumping into things, and no feeling. Jesus hear my plea

Hey I know I am not too shabby, just another journey to walk. Not just talk. Probably sounds like I have not made up my mind, on how I feel about myself. Trying to convince myself, yes a little. My emotions are a little of track from this new rack I wear. Jesus hear my plea

A new road now unfolds, imperfect yep. God makes up the difference, substandard not with Jesus as my right hand man. For with Him I will stand facing the mirror with acceptance of what stares back at me. Jesus hear my plea

Time to swim, catch my breath. Tread the water I used to sink. Give myself a break, shake this feeling of indifference away from me. Look at my body with a new perception of acceptance. They may be little strange to look at, and sometimes I gasp. Jesus hear my plea

Watch me take flight, as Eagles soar for Jesus I adore through all the tribulations. This will not get under my skin. Sink or Swim. Jesus hear my plea

I choose swim until the very end…He hears my plea

but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

Me being a little goofy, trying to catch my breath in the realization of my breasts with absolutely no feeling of sensation, and pain and nerves that strike like lightening. These are things I am trying to accept yet!

Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

Am I? Yes!

Am I a little thrown off?

Am I a little anxious within?

Am I a little more tired than usual?

Am I a little nervous of my fever going up as I get dressed?

Am I a little aggravated that I have to be seen as an emergent patient with post double mastectomy trauma?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes! I over did it!

Am I trying to allow God to help me think with clarity of mind?

Am I trying to pray for my anxiety to be stripped from within, for the fear to subside?

Am I trying to muster all the strength I can in Him, knowing He will carry me if need be?

Am I trying to trust God with my fever, and all the pain I am in?

Am I trying to turn my will, and my life over to God and say “thy will be done?”

Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes! I over did it, “Thy will be done!”

Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

Come one, come all. Welcome to our show, take a seat. Let the illusion unfold…

We were a sham

We were a joke

We were in shambles

We were a mockery

We were a masquerade 

We were a travesty

Scoundrelism deployed, hearts destroyed

You sneaking into bed at 5 am undercover fast of the shameful night you had.

Me sneaking off to bed undercover of one to many drinks to bid you adieu.

You with tales of your closest friends falling into aduteriated peril. Hoping they would be at loss for everything. Going to bed with your own head between your tail. Hypocrisy filled your pockets. 

Me with tales to my friends telling them how happy we were, and how all our dreams in Florida were in the making. Drinking my way through each word to help it seem legit. Slit my wrists, in my choke. What a joke. I had another night to lie next to you.

You in forget of your family turning off your phone. I see your wedding ring left on the bedside table. You with a drink in one hand, and bass in the other. Screeching to 90’s cover songs. Your eyes stray to the girls cleavage spilling out, as she leans in to drool over your stage presentation. Your drunk words forget your family, for a moment you are a bachelor. You seem luring, and endearing. Hush now don’t tell anyone. 

Me in shut down mode tuning out the white noise. One more drink will deafen me to their calls. “Mom come play a video game with us, Dad is not going to call.”  Blah, blah, me not so endearing. 

Pretending at its best, we were long lost. Our marriage many years over. Forgiveness you had sought, but the lifestyle you could not drop. We were 4 in the selfish clamity of our marriage. We buried our own kids alive. For it was us that they were to survive, thrive, and find love. Covering them with gloved hands stealing the child in them. All our sins they saw with what should have been innocent eyes. Adulterated/Idolatrous were the ways we walked. In the world we had taken up stock. 

Our kids they can’t breathe anymore, I will keep silent no more. I will shout it from every mountain top in hopes it echoes far, what we were was a hoax!! We toyed with the world one too many times, made a mockery of our wedding vows.

Shake me Lord to my very core, for thee I adore. Forgive me of my ways, and in you for not fervently seeking pleasure. Make my family whole again. Forgive me of being self consumed. Keeping everything behind closed doors. 

The door is wide open now, no hush here. For another day sober, and over is the FARCE! May every causality find peace, mercy, grace, and love. Even the one who stakes no claim. May that heart be broken the yoke again open. Breathe life back into my children let them not asphyxiate on our failings. Let their hearts set sail to unveil all their gifts within.

Hush no more, there is no need for silence…God is the director of this show take off your masks this is no longer our Masquerade Ball. He runs the show!

Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

Baby blue heart, surrounded by gray puffy clouds for only my eyes to see, Jesus met me

This weekend was just one of those weekends. I guess you could say I was in a bit of a funk. A little stuck.

Nothing too daunting, or that prayer could not see me through. I just have been waking in immense pain. I think per my personality I have over done it a little. My breasts felt like they were on fire, and I was extremely exhausted by the pain.

Healing from a double mastectomy is not just wham bam, and you’re healed. It is a lot of rest, and recovery. I don’t do very well sitting still. My sleep was suffering which doubled up with my mood. My poor husband who just wants to fix me, oh what to do?!? I know he could feel my energy, and it made him sad.

His suggestion yesterday was sweet, and very compassionate. Knowing he might have the chance at getting snipped at a bit. “Let’s go for a drive honey.” It took all of me to muster enough energy, but there we were side by side in the car. His hand in mine, and knowing that I probably needed to get out of the house I managed a half smile. A little laughter here, and there too. For how sweet of gesture for him to do. He could have left me at home, suffering with pain. Nope! He was kind, and his heart was 100% sacrificial love for his bride. He could not bare to see me not my usual bubbly self.

As we were driving, and talking I looked up in the sky. Oh my it was a heart shaped in the fluff, baby blue too. It was timely to say the least. I felt God made that heart just for my eyes to see. Of course I proceeded to take a picture of it. So in my pain, and rather dull mood I looked up, and oh my the sky was a beautiful shade of gray hues with a heart right there in the middle. I felt God in that moment. He made me realize the gift in my husband, and the gift in life. I might have been in extreme pain, but the cancer is no more. That sky was for me to see on that drive (suggested by my sweet husband). I know this for sure when we are connected to God He meets us in our need. He met me there in the car with my stare, and He gave me a heart shaped in a cloud to reveal his presence. It woke me from my hum drum mood. Before long my husband, and I were both rocking out to an old 80’s song. Air guitars, and all.

So classic, in an instant with God we can go from being a zero to a ten. He lifts the spirit, and He knew in that in that moment I needed my baby blue heart surrounded by puffy gray clouds for only my eyes to see. Jesus met me there in my car, with a heart in the sky to catch only my eye. Timely

“My times are in Your hands …” Psalm 31:15. At the right time, God will provide your need. At the right time, God will deliver you. At the right time, God will rescue you.

Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

Fools Gold in that bottle I held…personified alibis

Just a shell walking in a lifeless form, a mannequin with barely a beating heart. Flat line waiting for the paddles, nothing could rattle my covetness for my numbness slathered

Dormant my personality lied, the zeal suppressed with alcoholics hallucinate hands. Reside in my own cell, an alcoholic hell. Sit in my own sin, wallow in my trademark venom

Never could pass the test, and any zest I may have had was laid to rest. Idolized the moisture of my enbrieated state. Filled with hate 

Fools gold in that bottle I held, meld into my skin. Personfied allibi, fake beyond each disguise. Lost with each sip, lucid goes as I got hosed

Swam with the sharks. Ravenous, blood thirsty. Needed that alcohol to occupy my soul. No holes, just bury all my secrets in my skin. Soak it up, let it be my end

It was my first thought upon waking the craving pulsating, and trampling my brain. It was the last thought upon laying my drunk head into a blackout state, death hovered 

This was the alcolohic me, numb me. Take away the pain for just one more moment. I hurt so bad inside. No where for God to reside. Hibernated, and bathed myself with my poison. My soul took cover, and demons hovered. Lurking in the night, I became as dark as the tonic I drank. Rank with stank

Crippled by my own hands, hardened heart. Selfish, drowning in my own spite

Feeding off the juicy lies that came as day turned into night, and night turned into day. Spiced it up, made stuff up, my life was but a lie. Hiding in my bottle, this was the alcolohic me

No more hiding, no more numbing, no more running. For Jesus salvaged the wreckage I made of my life. Gave me hope, and took away my craving. He took my heart, and transplanted it at the cross. Carved my name, where His body hang in death for me on Calvary. Loving like no love I had ever felt

Layed the bottle down, and now I am unmasked and even somewhat vulnerable. For the love, laughter, and life I have now I would never trade it for a day of desperation lost. For I was off the grid, but now am found. In Him I abound. My masks are no more, my smile is real. In Jesus was my appeal….

Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

It was on my knees

I have been down roads shard with glass, with no shoes or socks. My bare feet sliced, and slit to bits. Bleeding in pools of blood I smeared. Slippery. Nothing I could do to get around them. Like a thorn in my foot, festered and diseased. Still wasn’t enough to bring me to my knees

I have been down roads with molten lava spilling its venom fast with fiery. Eating away my skin, bone exposed. Stubborn was my walk, rot with balm of waste garbage. Still not enough to bring me to my knees

I have been down roads so desolate, and dark. I could not see anything. It was as black as black could be. My depth perception was left behind. No hindsight is 20/20 then for me. I was blind to the road I trekked. Still not enough to bring me to my knees

I have been down roads with the roughest terrain. Lost, my compass broken. No skip in my step. No bounce left. My shoes, had set place in the most ill place. I could not see up from down, my life was spun inside out

I had been down every road at this point, running from God with shame as my sprint. I was out of breath, and so bent. Tears were bleeding my soul dry. It was time to fall to my knees, plea. The soil beneath toxic with weeds, wanting to crawl to my neck in strangulation to my death. Coffin open waiting for me

It was on my knees that God cleared the ground underneath, gave me a few breaths of reprieve. He lit the area around my body, and I was able to see. I knew it was time to give in. I tossed him my running shoes. He gently lifted my chin, and wiped away my tears. He lifted all the years I allowed the locusts to eat away. He wiped the dirt from my face, and gave me a drink from His canteen. Freshest water succumbed my soul. Seeped deep my lifeless body. Whole

It was on my knees God restored my sanity. He broke my chains, and shackles were cut. He gave me the gift of new life. My slate of compass crazed ways was wiped clean. Resorted back to health. Feeble no longer. In His eyes He had already forgot I had been on the run. It was done

My smile is genuine, my heart is the Lord’s! I am a daughter of Christ. In thee I delight! What roads?! All forgiven by His blood, made clean!

Job 4:4 Your words have upheld him who was stumbling, and you have made firm the feeble knees.

Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

Snapchat fun, when you can’t go outside to play

Here in Spokane we are in a state of emergency. We are even housing the homeless in fitness centers, schools, and area shelters our air quality is that hazardous.

The city has closed schools, that were supposed to start tomorrow. Work for many people has been cancelled.

So once again we are stuck at home, but it does not have to be all bad. It is just my husband, and I. We have always made the best of our time together. Even when we first quarantined from the pandemic we enjoyed one another.

Today we watched a little football, talked about life (especially the times we live in), laughed, and got a little goofy. We had a little Snapchat fun. We love being outdoors, and yes being locked in we get quirky. 54, and 46 we are still kids at heart, wishing we could go out to play. But not today!

Being locked down with your best friend can be awesome. Times like these are what you make of them. We get to chose to either live in the moment. Making the best of it, or we can be miserably unhappy. We chose to live, laugh, and love. We chose to be goofy!

Being locked down can be fun, and having your best buddy by your side makes it all the better no matter what life’s storms we must weather. God is our life preserver. He can inflate the spirit whatever the circumstance.

God set the precedence for this day, and we chose to dance in the rain. Or rather stomp to the rhythm of the soot! Never take a single moment in this life granted. Just smile.

A good laugh is sunshine in the house. — William Thackeray