I will praise you because I have been fearfully and wonderfully made

It’s okay to not always be okay. It doesn’t mean I’m not grateful it means I’m struggling. It doesn’t mean I don’t pray because I do. It just means I’m not okay for today. Maybe tomorrow I don’t know we’re not there yet.

As I sit here waiting to leave for my appointment praying to get my drain tubes out as I have hives all over my torso from the Tagaderm dressing, and one drain clogged that caused a Seroma that will have to be drained I also reflect.

I reflect on this almost 49 year old woman who was crying uncontrollably while her husband gently undressed her to ease her discomfort last night, and helped her into bed. A woman who is trying to find, and grasp the new her
. She is shy for her husband to look at her. The woman who has had a loss, the loss of a body part. A woman who is desperately trying to love herself all over again. You can all say it’s better this way. I know all of this. My body rejected my implants, yet it doesn’t make it any easier to accept.
I can remember people writing in my 7th grade annual to not be jealous of the walls. Trust me I finally came of age, and was happy with what God gave me. This though is different from just being flat chested. I have an incision from one side on my chest to the other, and just my skin. Nothing that resembles breasts at all. I also know as I write this I am just one of millions of woman just like me, but this is my personal journey.

I am doing my best, and my best is all I can do at this moment. I can say this, I thank God for gifting me the man he did. He gently loves me, and lets me go through this process(which sucks). I thank God for being cancer free, and now I pray that God will help me as He has with everything else in my life get through this next new phase in life. I am also grateful for the plastic surgeon who expressed such remorse, and empathy for my situation. It is not his fault my body rejected my implants 2 times. My body is just made different. I am breast cancer warrior! The cancer is gone, and so our my breasts. The older I get, the more I am realizing how intricately made I am…
Psalm 139:15-16
“for it was You who created my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I will praise You because I have been fearfully and wonderfully made”.

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Not much for words today

I am unable to post any pictures do to storage issues that I don’t have time to take care of at the moment. Hopefully soon enough though…

I got Covid last month when I had posted about my Breast Implant Illness, and my surgery to remove my implants was postponed. It is tomorrow, and I am so anxious. I am trying to know there’s a place where fear has to face the God I know. This is that place. Tomorrow at 2:00 is this place. As I write this tears are welling up in my eyes, I am just tired in every aspect of life. Yet I am blessed, and this I know.

My breast cancer journey has been so long, and this body is very tired. I know it is the absolute right thing to do, yet I am human. I do fear the unknown. I don’t know what that first glance in the mirror will be like. I already lost my breasts 2 and a half years ago, but aesthetically I have had two sets of implants now. So I don’t know what a flat chest will look like.

I have such a beautiful support system (my husband), family, and friends are surrounding us in prayer! Please if you pray, pray with us. I just ask for peace that surpasses all understanding.

I don’t have a lot in me today. So I will keep it short. Blessings all…🙏🏻

This last weekend my hubby took me out, and I felt like a princess/ballerina 🩰

Ironically this was taken 2 plus years ago before my first set of implants after my double mastectomy. Same place at Christmas.

There’s a place where fear has to face the God you know, my place is now!

“For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” (Matt. 18:19–20.) Prayer, then, is the vehicle whereby we invite His Spirit to be with us.

I wasn’t going to speak out loud about this, but I know so many of you who pray for us. My next surgery will be the removal of my implants, and I will be going flat. I will be fit with a prosthesis that I can wear, essentially my implants are making me sick. When Brad asked my surgeon what he would do if I was his wife he said “encourage her to go flat, and love her just as she is”. I didn’t think my breast cancer journey would lead to this. Now understand this I can’t feel my implants nor my whole backside, but I still feel as if I have breasts. I am almost 49, and I know they are not my identity. I just look at life,(advertisement after advertisement and breasts all part of these ads). I have had breasts since my youth. I have a very loving husband who is telling me, and reassuring me I am beautiful and he will love me through this all.

I know God has a plan, yet I can’t see it at the moment. I am grabbing on to the cross with all my might, but my emotions are so up and down. Please if you pray, pray for us and with us! What am I asking for? Peace that surpasses all understanding. My biggest fear is what the first glance in the mirror will look like when the bandage comes off. I do know my quality of life will be better, which benefits Brad and I. I haven’t even rode my mountain bike once this year. That’s so not me! We just want my life back! So please all prayer warriors join us if you will as we need to feel God’s overwhelming presence in this time 🎀

Laying my mother-in-law to rest tomorrow

Prepping Bible verses, listening to my husband’s hearts share as we lay his mom to rest tomorrow.

We know her final resting place is in the arms of Jesus. She was a believer, and that brings us so much peace. My husband is at the age where many of his friends are losing their parents. This loss brings him to the loss of both his dad, and mom. It really makes you think, and ponder the years of your life.

The City of Spokane Police Chaplain happens to be a dear friend of mine. He is doing her service. He just texted asking if I was ready with my Bible verses. I am (tearfully) I am.

Psalms 23 

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. 

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, 

3 he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. 

4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley,I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 

6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

She was an artist this was their family Christmas card in the 70’s. She was so talented! My husband is the one holding “from L.A.”.

So this popped up the other day…

Two years already, and I couldn’t be more blessed. As of recent trying to balance going back to work, and finding time to blog has been very difficult. I am happy to be finally starting to come back around again.

I love it here, and I thank all of you for your support from my openness about my love for the Lord, sobriety, and breast cancer. I feel alive on here, and 2 years has been such an uplifting journey for me!

Thank you to all of you, and from me to you I sincerely appreciate you all!

Lisa M. Boyd because “weirds are word”!

Thank you all for 2 years of continuous support on my blog. From the song…(change of words) by Billy Currington “God is great, beer is my personal poison
And people are crazy”! 🫶🏻🤣

So this popped up the other day…

Two years already, and I couldn’t be more blessed. As of recent trying to balance going back to work, finding time to blog has been very difficult. I am happy to be finally starting to come back around again.

I love it here, and I thank all of you for your support from my openness about my love for the Lord, sobriety, and breast cancer. I feel alive on here, and 2 years has been such an uplifting journey for me!

Thank you all for 2 years of continuous support on my blog! God is great, and I am believer!

Chin bandaids are too cool for school

As I ready myself for work I do have at the back of my head what if?

What if it my chin biopsy comes back skin cancer, and they have to dig into my chin? The Doctor advising me I could use my breast cancer surgeon to do the plastic surgery to make my chin look somewhat normal.

What if, what if what if, my brain was definitely squirrelly, and the what if was renting too much space in my head on Monday. I knew I needed an AA meeting. I knew what if needed to go

What if? I didn’t feel like drinking, I just know what to do when I don’t feel good. I have been gifted the tools today to say I need to get into the rooms to listen. To be open minded, willing, and honest

What if? I wasn’t myself. When the Doctor started talking plastic surgeon I checked out. I could see his mouth moving, but it was too much for my brain with all I have just come up, and out of in the last 2 years. Breast Cancer, and four surgeries later I envisioned myself telling the Doctor to go you know where. Of course I didn’t.

What if? What if? What if? Well I only have today. I live one day, and at times one moment at a time. So I now wait for 2 grueling weeks. I wait, and I see. I trust God, and pray a lot. I take that what if and shove it!

What if? Sure it remains at the back of my head with a bandaid on my chin as I grin. What if is not as overwhelming as it was Monday. That is all thanks to a program God gifted me in AA, and my spiritual house today being clean. I know God has me

What if? I don’t know all I know is I trust my unknown future to a very known God. All I have is right now. So with bandaid on my chin I will manage to grin, and make it through my work day! Happy, Joyous, and free me! What if all I have is today

Chin bandaids are too cool for school

As I ready myself for work I do have at the back of my head what if?

What if it my chin biopsy comes back skin cancer, and they have to dig into my chin? The Doctor advising me I could use my breast cancer surgeon to do the plastic surgery to make my chin look somewhat normal.

What if, what if what if, my brain was definitely squirrelly, and the what if was renting too much space in my head on Monday. I knew I needed an AA meeting. I knew what if needed to go

What if? I didn’t feel like drinking, I just know what to do when I don’t feel good. I have been gifted the tools today to say I need to get into the rooms to listen. To be open minded, willing, and honest

What if? I wasn’t myself. When the Doctor started talking plastic surgeon I checked out. I could see his mouth moving, but it was too much for my brain with all I have just come up, and out of in the last 2 years. Breast Cancer, and four surgeries later I envisioned myself telling the Doctor to go you know where. Of course I didn’t.

What if? What if? What if? Well I only have today. I live one day, and at times one moment at a time. So I now wait for 2 grueling weeks. I wait, and I see. I trust God, and pray a lot. I take that what if and shove it!

What if? Sure it remains at the back of my head with a bandaid on my chin as I grin. What if is not as overwhelming as it was Monday. That is all thanks to a program God gifted me in AA, and my spiritual house today being clean. I know God has me

What if? I don’t know all I know is I trust my unknown future to a very known God. All I have is right now. So with bandaid on my chin I will manage to grin, and make it through my work day! Happy, Joyous, and free me! What if all I have is today

Welcome to Lisa’s world of words, and photography…ME!ABOUT MEAbout Lisa:I will begin with I am madly in love with my life today. This has not always been the case. I am 46 years old, and my journey to get me to madly in love has taken me down quite a broken ratty road. Yet this road of rubble was created by my own hands, as well the insanity of my heart. I was spiritually bankrupt. Almost 7 years ago I awoke from my slumber of finding solace in the bottom of a bottle of broken promises. I was filled with guilt, shame, self-pity, and so was the saying “woe is me”. I became a the poster child for “the world’s tiniest violin” always wanting someone to invest in my sorrow, and childish whims. I did not know how to adult, let alone how to live life without my numbing tonic daily. Well that is how it all started, alcoholism as I have learned is progressive. So daily turned to hourly, which turned to as soon as any sensationalism of my existence in this world seeped through my drunken stupor. I would then chug, gulp, and lick every ounce that bottle had to offer me in my awakened state of metal instability. I was spiritually ill! I was fooled into thinking I was trapped by a love affair I could not divorce myself from. My walls became higher, my veil darker, and my grave heavy with what was what I thought the last nail in the coffin. I was blind, deaf, and dumb. All my life was a fairytale of stories made up my own venomous ways, and my disguise of that darn bottle. I thought I had the whole world deceived into who was me, oh how sadly wrong I was. ‘Twas pride comes before the fall. I fell oh yes I did…HARD! Crushed every bone my body wore, all my blood was about to pour. Was I ready for what God had in store!Fast forward to now, my “one day at a time.” life. I am today free of my shackles, and I have the tools to know how to live my life on life’s terms without having to pick up. I am also aware this is contingent on my spiritual house, I have to be willing to turn my will over to God daily. I have to accept I am an alcoholic. “One drink is never enough, and a thousand is too many”. I have hope today, and I wake up grateful for another breath of life. I have been growing, and I am adulting to the best of my ability. I am living, and death is not at my door nor is it part of my daily schedule today.God gifted me life, He renewed my spirit within me. I am happily married to my soul mate. I have two beautiful young adult children, and 3 beautiful young adult step-children. I am goofy, and I love to laugh. I love having my hubby by my side in all of my life adventures. Mountain biking is my passion, and I love summer. Summer and I are like buddies, I can barely handle the goodbye until we meet again summer. Sign me up for anything outdoors, yes even winter sports. I live in Spokane Washington, the beautiful Pacific Northwest. I love to write, and have been here in WordPress before. I was a daily blogger, and frequented inside here for a couple years.I have been being molded, and shaped more as of recent by my potters hands. I took a little reprieve when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I am now three months post mastectomy, and partial reconstruction. I have one more surgery to be done in the late fall. I am healing phenomenally, and feel so much gratitude for my life. I began anew in here because I did not want to be stuck in a niche of what I wrote about. I am just going to write from the heart, and I will use the word of the day challenge often. Hey maybe even a few surprises will flow from the keys, for we never know where the spirit of the heart might lead.You will find many ways I express myself in my writing. Writing styles you will find here are Non-fiction Empathetic, muic, Inspirational, and Chatty too. I am not a photographer by any means, but I do share the ones that are allusive with my writing. I hope you enjoy my blog. I am an author, and am multi-faceted in my articulations of self. None of what I express in here would be possible without my creators hands, and his presence in my life today. For I am Lisa, daughter of God. I reside in my Fathers house, this is where I was restored back to sanity. This is where I find my daily reprieve no matter what is going on with me, on bended knee. If there was anything I could say to anyone it would be “don’t give up before the miracle happens.”And so it begins…I hope you find something that touches your heart, makes you smile, and is welcoming enough to make you wish to stay awhile. God Bless you all.

Our wedding photography “sucked” that is the only word for it, so we treated ourselves to a professional photo shoot this year…

“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” ~Mark 10:9

Merry Christmas to me! Aslan! Hubby gifted me my lion tattoo!

Aslan

It’s been awhile, and Breast Cancer sucks. Yet I will always praise God!

So I figured it was time to share my heart. I haven’t had anything to write for quite sometime now. I had my 4th Breast Cancer Surgery 6 weeks ago. I didn’t even feel like sharing this with all of you. This was 4 very big surgeries in a year and half. I am tired, yet grateful. I am empty, yet full. I am just focusing on getting through the days, and trying hard to keep it simple.

I imagine I don’t really make sense. I have been posting photography so my blog does not become stagnant. I will be turning 48 in 2 months, and my body is having such a hard time bouncing back after this last surgery. I am not depressed, I am just tired. I am so grateful I did not have to have Chemotherapy, or Radiation. A double mastectomy was enough to mess with my already complex brain. Acceptance with my new body parts took me a year and a half. It was after this last surgery I finally found acceptance. I know without a doubt as much as I did not want to endure another surgery it was God’s will for this to happen. I am finally at peace with looking in the mirror, where I was horrified to look at myself before this last surgery. The mystery of God’s will never ceases to amaze me.

He knew what I needed, and what it would take for acceptance. I was in prayer, and literally on my knees begging God for this for so long. I wasn’t sure if it would come. I trusted He had a plan, and patience was crucial to my survival. As well working my recovery daily, because half measures I know avail me nothing. So I have stayed very vigilant in prayer, and my daily conscious contact with my very loving God.

So here I am tired, and not a single desire to write. I just figured I would share (it was about time). I always know God has his best no matter what. I had a flat tire, and He fixed it. Praise God! My life with my husband is feeling more like “us”, and I am feeling more like “Lisa”. All glory to God. Hopefully I will write again sooner than later. Blessings WP friends, God is so faithful this I know!