Real talk; 🙏🏻 I need to get real here, having a double mastectomy has been much harder emotionally than I ever anticipated. I know validation of being a woman does not come from that of vanity. I just know I did not take the time to grieve what I have lost. My emotional well-being has suffered as of recent. I am trying to live in the now, and am doing my best to practice acceptance. I can’t change what was, or that I know longer have these body parts. I also need to find my validation in God!
I have been very emotionally upset, which means I need to work on a few things personally. Asking for prayer from my dear family/friends. I have one more surgery November 9th. If I had it my way I would not go, but it is not my way. Please in all of this know I know how blessed I am to be cancer free, I just feel at odds with my new body. I was never a fake me makes me type of girl, and here I am getting my tissue expanders taken out for implants. I just wasn’t okay with nothing at all at the age of 46. Just asking for prayer for acceptance, and for my upcoming surgery to go without complication. God bless you all, I needed to get this off my chest (play on words)…🙏🏻💜
Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. 2 Thessalonians 3:16
Two bridges in the same State Park. One is a man made structure with beams, and construction materials for support. The other is made from the land we hiked. With limbs from trees, and branches. Both unique in their beauty. Like that of the bridges of life. Some are made by others structurally sound for the crossing. Some are a walk of faith. Each step creeks with forward movement. Yet we need at times to cross them both.
The beauty in that of the bridges of life. Never be to quick to burn a bridge, for the rebuilding may not come to pass. Trudge the bridge, like you trudge through life. One step at a time, one foot in front of the other. In stride…maybe with a friend by your side. Mine is God He walks all the bridges of life with me, hand in hand. We always make is safely to the other side, it may not be the route I expected to be on. As I look back, I can see why God chose that particular way or path for me. For He always has had my best at heart
Photo Credit me; Riverside State Park. Spokane Wa. Hiking the massive terrain. One on a beautiful summer day when the trails are endless with hikers detours left and right. The other on a brisk winter day. The bridge of branches covered with frozen snow. Both beautiful in their own right. Both walked over, and we made it safe to the other side..
Yesterday was one of my rougher days, having an emergent visit with my doctor for some trauma from my double mastectomy.
So having seen this as I was on my way out the door was a huge blessing in disguise. I love it in here. I have learned so much from all of you. A lot of new things I had not seen when blogging in here before. 6 word prompts, and being asked to try one. How much fun!
Getting to be involved in Cee’s Photo Challenges, Linda G. Hill’s One-liner Wednesday’s, and the Saturday SoCS prompt has been so much fun. Not to mention the countless comments left with such gracious, and encouraging words. So I thank you all, I hope to continue to grow in my daily writing. I hope to know you all more through all your posts. I feel blessed to be part of the WordPress community. God has so blessed my life with all of your gifts, and talent!
Beauty and the beast, beast and the beauty. Truly a miraculous story, and God gets all the Glory
Bloodthirtsy out to soak my skin caverness deep with alcolohics rage body numbing, and dumb to no end
The monster in me unleashed with each sip, turning green with anger I pour more making sure every one knows my wrath, savage bent
Needed not wanted oozing from within, my tongue dripping with lies my eyes hidden with my mask of flask. Camouflaged with the bottle
My tears not pure, just self loathe. Coated from head to toe toxic blow. My liver hurt. Yet my heart was dead. Feed me more, even the score
Sadistic creating my own self demise. Twisted and calculated my breath lost respect with every word spoken. I was blind, deaf, and dumb
Wake for the sake of alcohols pour, wanting to end my suffering. Just a buffer to make it through the days. Yet my own shaky hand held the knife. Shed my blood of my own self pity. Dripping with hate
Savage I am no more. God woke me from my drunken quake. He directed me to lit path of truth. He washed me in a grace filled basin. Splashes of grace, mercy, and love. Dunked me until all the filth washed clear, and I could look within a mirror
Beast turned to beauty. Savage to warmth. God saved my ravenous poisoned soul. Made me ravenous for harvest plentiful in only Him. Had me drinking of the holy water, and called me into him as His daughter
Saved from savage, put down my knife. Broke the bottle, and my spirit poured out new
Beauty and the beast. Beast and the beauty. Truly a miraculous story…
God’s word is in order for me to stay out of the way. Each day new! My spirit, and soul must be one with Him. A kinship of the highest authority. He takes priority.
One might ask how I go about this. I marinate my heart in scripture, transfixed eyes upon each word written.
Allow the Psalms to seep within, the book of Proverbs to permeate. Then it will all resognante daily for His glory to be seen in my hope, joy, and experiences.
Stew in the book of Genesis, steep in the New Testement. As Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John they got it going on.
Brew over Job, as his trials make mine seem oh so trivial. His life stripped, and ripped apart. Groveling to his knees. He still gave God all of his heart, now He was smart!
Immerse myself in the apostle Paul, for his life was without stall. It was all God even in imprisonment. Asking the tough question would I be jailed for the teachings of my Lord for all to hear? Makes one think. Spears the heart towards being all Jesus called me to be.
Soak in the living waters, and let the Holy Spirit abound. Introduce, Deuteronomy, Numbers, and Leviticus, for none were written without reason.
Tis’ the season to infuse myself in Revelation for we live perilis times. Already written.
God gave me this all in that of the Bible. A living manuscript for me to adhere to, for without its real life application my clarity might as well go on the wayside.
For in his word is where I charge daily, so nothing can get in the way of my new found clarity. Rarity? Nope not even, just another believer of the miracles God can do when we infuse Him into our lives. He is my all, and redeemer of my soul! This is all in order for me to remain still, and get me out of the way. Each day, renewed.
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. Psalm 119:105
Draw me close to you with your magnet pull, never let me go. Draw me into you
Rapturous is your grace. Allow me to always seek your face. Tug of war no more, the pull was too great. I gave up, and declared your name (Jesus)! Nothing has been the same. Fell onto gracious land, sinking at your feet. The most absolute liberation
Stagnant is the weight of the worlds lure, I shall stay baited in your word. A snatch of your line, and I am kept by you. Your love for me devine. Caught by your fisherman’s hands, bringing me back to dry land
My focus is the cross. There I do not toss and turn burning with the days loftiness. Crafted by my maker. Magnetic is your pull, for The I uphold glory, and honor. My genetics lead me back to Genesis. The beginning of this magesticness. There I take root, at the beginning, and know with all my heart with my eyes fixated on you, my end will be that of what Revelation writes. My name in lambs of book of life. Oh what a beautiful sight
Draw me close to you, with magnet pull never let me go. Draw me into you
Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his ; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.Psalm 100
Cloaked; wore the veil of shame, cloak and dagger was my game
A lie sat at the surface of my lips
From alcoholic poison words would drip, soothing the moisture absorbed. Absurd in my own selfish hoard
A theifl! Callous, and defeat were the shoes I wore. An alcoholic whore. For God was pushed out the door, threw away that key
There was no hide, just a scared little girl sitting in her corner. Wanting protection, yet so fearful of rejection
God was calling on me, and I pushed Him so far from my sight. I sat in the darkness in the steal of the night
Made my own bed of sin. Billows of lies. Tripped too many times on my so called life, walking a fine line
A thief! Callous was my heart. Had drinking down to an art. I was the master of my own disguise
God kept calling on me, and wanted me on bended knees. That is when I finally gave in, and put my bottle down. Traded my lies, for truth in Jesus’s word. A crown
The air is clean, and my body pure. For God’s holy water I drink from His well daily. Time has told I am 7 years old new in Him. Sober is my march. I keep my eyes fixated on the cross. For there is where I win with Him
Victory proclaimed in Jesus name, one day at a time. One more day sober, one more day his daughter. For I serve such a gracious King to love a wretch like me…
Romans 7:24
Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death?
Amazing grace How sweet the sound That saved a wretch like me I once was lost But now I’m found Was blind, but now I see’Twas grace that taught My heart to fear And grace my Fears relieved How precious did That grace appear The hour I first believedThrough many dangers Toils and snares We have already come ‘Twas grace hath brought Us safe thus far And grace will lead us homeWhen we’ve been there Ten thousand years Bright shining as the sun…
Sober is my gait, sober is smile, and sober is my heart, I am connected to my God who saved a wretch like me! No greater love known to man!
Summer is shedding its skin, the heat of the day is no longer out to play. It is saying its farewell, and allowing autumn’s introduction
Summer loving, sun kissed breeze, summer dancing in the streets. Summer loving, why must you leave? The warmth of my skin tingles from sweat beads
I have to accept that you must go, you are one of four seasons for a reason. I will miss you making my skin feel so pretty, and glowing with color
I will miss my mood enchanted with the beautiful sunrise, and sunset. That good ol’ vitamin D. Can’t you see, you and me have always been buddy-buddy
Until we meet again, summer loving. Mountain biking like a crazy mad woman. Just can’t get enough. I don’t want to have to store my bike away. Summer I so wish you could stay
I don’t want to say goodbye or bid you adieu. Get out my flannels, or put away my Keen’s. In an instant my golden colored skin, will change to white as a ghost. Weirdest thing a person ever has seen. My color just goes, as quickly as my buddy. Summer
Summer loving, summer kiss, and one last dance before we admit you are done. Dancing together to the beat of the sun
Oh Lord when my life became yours I know I illumated the morning sun. Every beam that sprung from it. Rays of hope, grace, mercy, and love all from thee above. Attributes
Oh Lord when I became yours I know that my gait was audacious for you were at my right side. I wanted everyone to see your love in me, spilling from every chasm loves light. Bestow
Oh Lord when I became yours I shed my old skin, and was clothed with honor, dignity, and strength within. Redeem
Oh Lord when I became yours you made me a display, you the potter and I clay. Into the kiln, refiners fire my hearts one desire. To know
Oh Lord when I became yours my smile was from ear to ear, and rapturous was my new found love, bold for all to behold. Take witness
Oh Lord when I became yours it was that of a new birth. My soul longeth after thee, and to emit from within. Forgiveness
For there is no greater love known to man than to lay down one’s life for his friends. John 15:13
Now how could a love like this not radiate all across the land, such sweet fragrance in that of my potter’s hands. Mold me, make me, take me. With these hands I lift in praise of you the potter, and I the clay. Adhere
Oh Lord when I became yours it was thee I adore, my heart yours for the taking. Breaking my old from self, so I can now break bread with you. Remembrance
Take me, Mold me Use me, Fill me I give my life to the Potter’s hands Hold me, Guide me Lead me, Walk beside me I give my life to the Potter’s hand Hillsong Worship
Live in the past I will not. It is the same old human reaction that if only… If only I had done this different
If I only I had could go back, and make things right
There is nothing I would change for I would not be right where God has me, and wants me. Right here sitting drinking my coffee
Imaginary was fun as a kid, but you see that was my story I sought in that of a bottle. Drink it down as a fairy tale potion. No notion of my reality. With each drink tall tales to no avail of that still being my life. When I woke from my hibernation nothing had changed. Usually it was worse, for I had cast a spell upon myself with evil scoffs of that brew. Mirror, mirror, on the wall, and before any other words could come out another shard of glass fell to the ground. My image could no longer be seen. Broken in the glass my face in puzzle pieces no one with the patience to piece it together again
A magic potion with special ingredients that make things go away. Mythical I lived as I pretended I was the happiest in all the land. When really I was heavily burdened, and was poisoning myself to no end
So imaginary for me is not fun at all maybe as a wee-one. Today I live as real as real can be. Loyal, and rich. Not rich with monies. Rich with life given from God. Rich with love, relationships, and blessings overflowing. Why would I want to pretend when what has been written is far better than that of any story of a fictctious nature. It is my story!
It comes with gore, grief, heartache, thievery, fighting, drama, and much suspence, as you turn the pages it has a victorious middle with love and overcomings so triumphant it is nail biting. What’s next, is still being written. It is a story still being drafted, and crafted by the greatest of authors. The characters are the same, but a couple have changed. The main character, and the binding of this book is God (he being the authority). For he took the pen in which this story had been written in, and he is now the pen holder.
It is not fairy tale it is all non-fiction. I would not change a single dictation in this book. It is notated with all truth (hard to bare yes). Yet it is my story, and without it I would not be who I am today. For without all the grit of my story, I would be oh so boring. This story as it is being manuscripted, gives me character. The character I have become as I sit here drinking my coffee, is the one that in the end of this story will get to see everything God has called me to be. He will get all the Glory!!
Now if we are children, then we are heirs heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.Romans 8:17
