Written for Citysonett Photo A Day: October 22: silhouette
I admit yesterday I was bit testy after my pre-op surgery appointment.
I admit it seemed like I had a million papers to sign on Covid alone (so exaggeratory) but hey this is my story.
I admit I was saddened when my doctor said my mom can’t care for me after surgery since she works at the biggest hospital in our town. She would have had to self quarantine for 2 weeks prior. So whatever.
I admit I don’t really have a so whatever attitude I am just overwhelmed by all that was said. Covid has changed everything about this surgery.
I admit I need to get on my knees, and pray for God to take the anxiety as well agitation I am feeling at this moment. I need to give it all to Him.
I admit I am so far from perfect, and my attitude has been far from desirable.
I admit I need to pray for God to give me unshakeable faith. One that does not even flinch at the slightest discomfort. He will furnish the quiet place for my soul with all the furniture of faith. I need all the help I can get I admit.
I elect right now to be removed from the unrest of my soul. Beholding God’s calmness in my impatience, God’s patience in my limitations, God’s perfection. This is my election to be free of self, and allow the spirt to work within.
I admit I am of a human, with a spirit that needs attuned to my Heavenly Father today! I admit I have been afraid. I am ready for this breast cancer journey to be over. When really it is not up to me, so my plea get myself out of the way of His will for all of this today!
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. Romans 15:13
My day will be spent away from WP today. I have my pre-surgery appointment today, for what prayerfully should be my last breast cancer surgery.
I will have a mandatory Covid test, and some other blood work too. As much as I would rather stay home, and stay warm this is necessary. So Lord willing everything will go as expected.
As well the day of our move the temperature is dropping drastically to a whopping 33 degrees, with the possibility of snow Friday. So crazy I grew up here, and this will be the first in many years to get snow before Halloween.
So lots to turn over in prayer today. God has us, and always has our best at heart. I am trusting on November 9th, my surgery will go without any complications. For God is the ultimate surgeon. We have been on a very long breast cancer road, and I am ready for this to be the end! 🙏🏻
God bless! Prayers would be greatly appreciated and coveted!
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lordyour God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
I am a recovering alcoholic, I will always be an alcoholic. I have God, and a recovery program that helps me “one day at time” live life on lives terms.
I could not have imagined even an hour without a drink, let alone a few. 24 hours seemed nearly impossible. Here I sit with 7 years, and 2 plus months of continual sobriety.
I lived to drink, and drank to live. Anything not to feel. My whole life became a lie. I was deceptive, a thief, and my heart was calloused.
I woke up putting alcohol in my coffee (oh the thought how gross), and I thought I had everyone fooled. With breath that reeked, and words slurred. I was so far from the God I once adored. The shame I felt, was killing me. My life was held on by a thread. A thread, that at any moment was about to snap. I was in a place of complete incomprehensible demoralization. I was spiritually sick, and made myself insane. Every drink made me a little further from who I once was. How could I stop?
It came down to a very broken moment, a prayer that God would take this drink problem away from me. I was made very ill, which was not usually the case. I had the shakes uncontrollably, and the years of shame showered over me. I prayed for God to relieve of the bondage of self. I was on the run so very long. I was weary, my heart so tired.
That began what is now 7 plus years of sobriety. I have a daily reprieve with my loving God, and a program that too holds me accountable. It reaches in to the depth, and is the solution. Alcohol is, but a symptom. So I these two go hand in hand.
I can’t have sobriety without God, and without sobriety there is no God. So I have to keep my spiritual house clean. The cobweb is gone, but the spider is still there. There is nothing a drink will not make worse. I attend meetings regularly, and yes it is a program based off of anonymity. I chose to share my story. That is my choice.
All by the grace of God, and one day at time I get to be sober. God has to be my priority. God has to be my number 1, and I feel my program is a gift from God. I can’t ever forget where I came from, and humble is my feat. For there in an instant there goes I…
“Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs
I am a miracle, I get to be part of a world of people of miracles just like me!
Written for Citysonett Photo A Day: October 17: change
You took my very broken wings, and gave me flight. I soar swiftly, yet gently across the skies. Day and night
You took my broken heart, and were the ultimate surgeon. Purging the old, and replacing it with new. Your hands were that of Uncondtional Love. No greater love known to man
You took my eyes that saw no hope, and gave me a new forecast. Taking off my mask, and giving me perfect vision. Opened my ears so I might hear, and allowed for my life purpose
You took me when I was lost, and were my compass. Drawing me out my map. Nudging me along the path. Giving ample supplies to me survive, you heard my cries
When I was shipwrecked at sea you Lord came for me, and salvaged the wreckage. Crafted with the best carpeterners hands giving me a new boat. Set me back out to sea declaring victory in your name. I will never be the same
So I have set sail, and have also taken flight. For in you Lord I delight. With your mighty hands you drug me to safety, and I need not fear anymore. You steer me in flight, and at sea. Amazed in awe of the beauty I see in me. Potential to be anything you want me to be
Alas I have set sail for greater things this life has in thee, you are captain of my ship. From my mouth drips words I am eager to share. For your love, grace, and compassion for nothing compares
Isaiah 40:31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
ALL of you Lord wants ALL of me
You are not in want of me only in my lost dreams
You are not in want of me only when my heart is riddled with confliction
You are not in want of me only with the countless times my soul is not at peace, and I find no rest
You are in want of me for songs of praise from the most trivial of a moment to the most agonizing of breaths, you want ALL of me
You are in want of ALL of me lifting my hands in awe, and thanksgiving for even if when my lot is not what I thought or had hoped it to be, sing
You are in want of ALL of me, death to my own self that I can be filled with you, and then you can pour yourself in me
You are in want of ALL of me being child like in my prayer, bringing forth things I would not think you care of
You are in want of ALL of me understanding that I am not of my own, you are my dwelling place. Seeking your face
You are not in want of just a partial cup of me, you want my cup to overflow with YOU…filled to the brim. Seeping from its essence YOU!
I am reminded of this today, as I step out in faith praying for a family member with mental illness (with no hope for life), friends with Covid, mine and my husband’s soon move, my surgery fast approaching, and the weather so cold I kind of loathe. I get to bring it all to you, lay it down at your feet. Find rest at the cross, get lost in your presence! Prayer, it takes me to the throne room with you
Lord take ALL of me!!
Psalm 73:6 My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever
I was plucked from the decomposing garden that was my life, it was all over grown a wretched perception. It needed pruned, and somehow from ruins and decomposition God heard my cries, banshees moan
The gate was rusty, and the weeds so many they intertwined toppling me with every step. Scathed from the thicket. My body bruised, battered, and scorned. The gate began to screech open. Jesus was my ticket out
I had been prisoner of this unkempt land for years. It was all I knew. I just assumed it was my lot for life. I even chose my burial spot within. I lived within the decay, and rot. My memory forgot of any other way of life
Just upon the gardens gate was life. It was colorful, delightful, and free. I was scared I did not belong there. As my hue was lacking for any color. A corpse walking among the dead. I was unkempt, and a dreadful sight
Yet the garden gate remained open calling me into the light. Wanting me to get out of the tall grasses that held me captive blocking my view. Poison Ivy was taking over, it was now or never. My endeavor was to make it through the gate. Even if I crawled, focusing on the tree of life. It sat just on the other side. It was giving me strength to leave
Scared to death. I wriggled my body through the posiness plants. My flesh wanted badly to stay. I knew no other way to live. The dark was what my eyes had become accustomed too. The light was blinding
There He was taller than the grass surrounding me (Jesus). He came through with wrath, and a gardeners hoe. He illumated the garden. Snakes slithered and hid. Toxic plants began to wither. As I kept inching toward He was clearing my path. It was my Lord and Savior. He came for me
My cries were heard, and understood. He translated every sob. He then picked me up from the dirt filled floor, and carried me the rest of the way through the gate. Sat me in front of the tree, and shut the door tight. He then sealed it for no entry. I was plucked from the decomposing garden that was my life. Sat underneath the tree of life, grace dripped like sap into my lap. Napped there for sleep so needed was real
Upon waking I looked up, and He gently kneeled wiping the tears from my eyes. My vision was clear. Just then a deer was a passer by panting for the water close. So my soul too, longed for that same water, and I could cup into my hands as much as I wanted to. In an instant I was made clean, I gave all my shame to Him. He cleansed me from within.
I was filled with color, and was motioned to go drink from the living water until I got my fill. This was my life being created brand new. For He rescued me, heeded my pleas. He had the keys to unlock my imprisonment. Unkempt I did not stay, free to be in Jesus I was plucked from the decomposing garden that was my life
Then I was a walking sinfilled creature. No nurture needed I got this. See right here, as I grip tightly and blanket my beer
Then I was even known for sassy, Crass with each glass
Yes saucy too, when I would get sauced I was shameless in that bottle, no throttle
Then I was vulgar I can only imagine the things that came out of my mouth were nothing to boast about, toasted was not a good look on me
Then I was loud, and sure fire shifting moods with each drink of my freshly yearn, wanted so badly to fill the burn
Then I was immodest as all my inhibition got tossed away, my mirror image nothing of the same. My flesh stared back at me, I was of the world. Swirling in drunken misdemeanor behavior
Then! Take notice of (then past tense). These are all past tense as my heart has been reconstructed upon the cross, all my sin was lost. Taken, and healed when I kneeled for forgiveness
I exchanged sassy for love, joy, and peace which came from God above. These attributes walk with me daily
Saucy was so long. Forbearance, kindness, and goodness set in. From my next of kin to a complete stranger. Rendering a gentle demeanor
Faithfulness, and gentleness left vulgar on the roadside hitching another ride. For my faith is strong, and mouth washed clean
Self controlled the one the Lord said hello if you grab onto this, all the others will line up. Immodest you can not be. For there is beauty in modesty
All these are the 9 fruits of the spirit. The greatest of attributes according to the Apostle Paul. Oh how beauty is adorned with each one. I did not stall in applying them all
Holy Spirit fall fresh on me, make my eyes and heart heed to all of these. For brassy is not something I ever again wish to take title to. I bid you adieu with His grace and mercy. A sure fire way to stay one with him
If need be I will take compartment in the Produce Department. Taking up pleasure in all the delectable fruits. Each one bursting in flavor, until I too can mimic all 9 fruits of the spirit. Bursting from within…
Brassy is not classy in the eyes of the Lord!
Galations 5:22:23-22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
I am just going to say the closer I get to Jesus, and the more I read my Bible the more it piques my heart and soul to know Him more! I am madly in love with the Lord! He changed my life for the good!
I can’t wait until one day I get to see His face, and He shall say “well done good and faithful servant”. This is what I strive for each, and every day. I have to keep on keeping on in Him.
Simple, and sweet! Blessing in Him for a rad week WP friends.
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing. 2 Timothy 4:7-8