Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

Airliners, Insanity, an alcoholics travesty, no more!

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No not in your pockets that will not do, words from the old. Flabbergassted this was me…A glimpse into my insanity

Airliner size bottles are easier to hide, they aide in clever. If you consider misdemeanors clever. I hid all sorts of alcohol just about everywhere I could think of, beer too

Airliners slip neatly into the bottom of a shoe, if you have a slew of them no one will be onto you. Boots are even better

They also go quite nicely between the the mattress and box spring, great for the picking once everyone has kicked it for the night

I had managed with certian outfits to conceal them on my person, like anyone is willing to do any lurking

I had a slit in my purse lining barely big enough for these tiny sized swigs to slip right downside of. They lay neatly concealed under my wallet, and the other have to’s. Not a single person ever knew

I hid them in the bathroom among my makeup mess, I must confess I spent a lot of time in the bathroom

Beer cans float well at the top of a toilet bowl, and who ever looks in there unless the flapper becomes an issue, Phew

Poolside was a place I liked to get licked. I hid them in one the community bathrooms under the sink. Way back in a corner, no one ever knew. Use the bathroom, pound one down. 5 left to go. Then blitzed

This was just the normal for me, I thought nothing of it. No big deal. Everything was secret, and hidden. I was a very driven alcoholic, it was always there. I was never without it

I can only imagine my poor liver soaking this in day in and day out. At 5’2″ 108 pounds then. I was drinking myself to death, and darn good at it too

As I write this it makes me sad that I was this deceiving, I believe I had really nobody fooled. I just sat and wallowed in petty resentments. In realtity I was fooling only myself, I was a creep. I was in deep

I filled up a plastic water bottle with a wine of choice thinking everybody would think it was some sort flavored fruit drink, I carried it with me as I shopped. It was always fully loaded and in tow. With me everywhere I would go

I took alcohol to work in a traveler mug, smuggling in booze is a great way to get you fired, it happened a couple times. Oh yes the day I got my D.U.I. Make it worse get fired, sob and despair. Sit in your car with drink after drink, then see how you drive. Right into a buff Increbile Hulk size police officers cuffs, and off to the county jail. $1,000 bail

I still for sometime never looked the part. Looks can be deceiving. That I was. Always dressed to impress, and well schooled. For a moment I could pass myself off as able. Then I would start the job get “my desk” and my booze would dribble from the table 

I was not able. Why do they call it a functioning alcoholic? Usually every one knows. What just because I could drink everybody under the table taking in copias amounts of alcohol without an ounce of sickness or headache  

I was not able. Just because I got up, and drove myself to work? Usually with a drink in the middle console easing my anxieties the whole route there. I just did not care, or did I? I was loosing myself 

I was lost in an alcoholic insanity. Using alcohol as a bandage for my conflicted heart. Albert Einstein said it best; “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”  

So I became a professional at something yet, how proud where was my reward? Blue ribbon hangining or a trophy please, “Insanity Professor”. In less time then it takes to get an AA degree

It has been 7 years and 2 months of sober! Wow!! 7 years since I realized I was powerless over alcohol. Gave up alcohol in exchange for my life eternal. My life in Jesus!! I carry Him around everywhere I go. He is with me to guard my heart, he takes up permanent residence. I am fully armored against the evil of this world. I know all to well what it is to be of world. Now I am just in it. As it is written to be. God is my keeper, and has reigns on me. I was convicted greatly by my lack of self control. No more for that is a life that has been said good ridden to, and forgiven.

Can you believe the madness I endured! How absurd! It almost seems harder to be alcoholic, with its trickery and hiding. Thank you Lord for now my abiding is in you!! 

Airliners are for travel to and from a city or county, travel mugs hold my morning coffee, and plastic water bottles are my most prized possesion as I drink a ton of water. I don’t touch a toilet bowl unless it is a must to be attended too. My purse is in tact. I keep my Eli-Pen in there, and most know it can be gone through. I show for work free without slurring my speech, and with that get to keep my job. 

Now here, for all this we can celebrate. Blue ribbon no need, eternal life is my now fated prize!! 

I exchanged insanity for sanity for a life eternal with Jesus!

27 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.28 I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. John 10:27-28

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/23/10/creep

Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

Say it isn’t so….SNOW!

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Say it isn’t so, old man winter is rearing its ugly head abruptly this year. I can’t remember a winter it snowed before Halloween, let alone this early since I was a kid

The city is bustling to tire shops. They will be booked out for days in service of the great swap. From regular tires, to studs. What a dud this put on all of our moods. It is just way too soon

Say it isn’t so, SNOW. A winter storm warning has been put in effect. So as well we are praying about the safety of our move. Up on the 3rd floor of very steep stairs, the slightest wet. You bet someone is bound to fall. We may be at a stall until the following weekend

Hustling in trade of autumn clothing, getting out my winter thermals. As well my beanies, boots, and gloves. It just managed to sneak up on us. So yeah we are in a fuss

Say it is isn’t so, SNOW. 26 degrees oh please allow all power to stay in tact, and the trees to still stand. They scare in read of treacherous driving conditions. Stay off the road they plead. Flu season will be rampant with the temperature dropping so drastically. Is old man winter laughing sarcastically? We are all in a state of panic, out getting all we need

Guzzling down the warmth of my coffee, getting my body ramped up to go out to get our necessities. I am no fool to winters plea. I have vivid memories of winter storm warnings. Reminded how it sweeps in with a vengeance. Mornings with an Alaskan cold front too cold or dangerous to go out, waking to the power being out. It is freaking cold, chilled to the bone. Too old to be excited with a childlike thrill. I know the drill

Say it isn’t so, SNOW. Maybe some excitement for the little kids. They love the first snowfall, the flakes all different shapes and sizes. Puffy kids bumbled in snowsuits in their front yards in build of a snowman. I guess I am too old, too cold, and honestly a little shocked

Lord God, is there any way to make this stop? I am snuggled up in my blanket. Just can’t shake this, and I believe from the news I see we were all totally caught off guard. Oh Lord this is all in your hands. For you are the creator of all the seasons, and you decided to make our winter appear. Help us ready, and trust. Help us be prepared, allow for everyone to get a slot in snow tires long appointment books. For this is really off the hook

Say it isn’t, Snow! Not yet!

“While the earth remains, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night, shall not cease.” Genesis 8:22

https:wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/22/10/vivid

Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

I admit I have been afraid

I admit yesterday I was bit testy after my pre-op surgery appointment.

I admit it seemed like I had a million papers to sign on Covid alone (so exaggeratory) but hey this is my story.

I admit I was saddened when my doctor said my mom can’t care for me after surgery since she works at the biggest hospital in our town. She would have had to self quarantine for 2 weeks prior. So whatever.

I admit I don’t really have a so whatever attitude I am just overwhelmed by all that was said. Covid has changed everything about this surgery.

I admit I need to get on my knees, and pray for God to take the anxiety as well agitation I am feeling at this moment. I need to give it all to Him.

I admit I am so far from perfect, and my attitude has been far from desirable.

I admit I need to pray for God to give me unshakeable faith. One that does not even flinch at the slightest discomfort. He will furnish the quiet place for my soul with all the furniture of faith. I need all the help I can get I admit.

I elect right now to be removed from the unrest of my soul. Beholding God’s calmness in my impatience, God’s patience in my limitations, God’s perfection. This is my election to be free of self, and allow the spirt to work within.

I admit I am of a human, with a spirit that needs attuned to my Heavenly Father today! I admit I have been afraid. I am ready for this breast cancer journey to be over. When really it is not up to me, so my plea get myself out of the way of His will for all of this today!

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. Romans 15:13

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/21/10/elect

Posted in writing prompt

Fandango’s Flash Fiction Challenge #88: I’m just a door man at an old ratty motel

I’m just a door man at an old ratty hotel in an impoverished part of Chicago. Whoever thought to give me the job of delivering this box must be crazy.

I sit here with this cumbersome cardboard box on my lap, yes it will pay more than my day at the Old Renaissance Motel, yet I wonder if it’s really worth it. What might be in it? It isn’t all that heavy. I just keep thinking I didn’t ask enough questions. I feel as if I am a criminal doing something wrong. All this hopping from subway to subway to. What is an old man to do?

This is my second of 4 subways to get to my drop off point. I have these strict instructions, and I am not to deviate from them at all. I feel as if I am part of the Mafia my God all be damned if I end up in cuffs.

I can’t but wonder what is in the box. I don’t want to shake it, as then to maybe break it. I am feeling leery of what I might have gotten myself into. My stomach is suffering with anxieties pangs. Most likely gonna end up with an ulcer at my ripe age doing these kind of things. I am also growing hungry with each transfer I make.

Finally the stop, and I was in an even sketchier part of town then where I work. This was a place they say if you don’t need to go there, don’t go! I had no idea this was the final stop until I saw the sign. This just can’t be good.

I patiently waited to exit with the awkward box in hand, and began my walk. I was to go straight per my instructions. I walk passed people passed out on the street, stepping over feet. The box was hindering my view. The last tall green garbage-can which was tagged with hot pink it said. Okay that should be easy enough.

There it was, and I was on time. So looking far as my ancient eyes could see, I see a small boy holding what looks like a ladies hand. Figuring it is his mother, I proceed to walk on. Out of breath I reach the place written on the paper. I set the box down.

The boy dressed in just a long t-shirt with no pants, and no shoes gave me the brightest toothless smile. “Wow sir” he said. It had to be maybe 40 degrees if that. The lady had tears in her eyes. She struggled to speak. The boy ripped open the box. Throwing to the ground a coat, shirt, jeans, socks, boxer shorts, and the coolest tennis shoes this ol’ man had ever seen. “Oh boy this is awesome,” he said! Standing up he reached his arms around my waist looking up at my face. He squeezed me so tight. He then proceeded to let go, and place all his new clothes back in the box.

They proceeded to walk off with him in push of that box down the street with his bare feet. That was it, all in days work. I just had the most rewarding experience I had in my lifetime. Worth every penny was that toothless grin. Even though his mother never spoke, I saw the tears well in her eyes. I saw her weary head lower in sower for what she could not provide. My high lifted spirit led me back to Subway Route #331. My heart was undone in the wealth I felt from that little boy filled with joy! He was set with winters best, in that box he pushed down the road.

https://fivedotoh.com/2020/10/19/fandangos-flash-fiction-challenge-88/

Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

Recovery, a daily one day at time walk to remain sober is in order

I am a recovering alcoholic, I will always be an alcoholic. I have God, and a recovery program that helps me “one day at time” live life on lives terms.

I could not have imagined even an hour without a drink, let alone a few. 24 hours seemed nearly impossible. Here I sit with 7 years, and 2 plus months of continual sobriety.

I lived to drink, and drank to live. Anything not to feel. My whole life became a lie. I was deceptive, a thief, and my heart was calloused.

I woke up putting alcohol in my coffee (oh the thought how gross), and I thought I had everyone fooled. With breath that reeked, and words slurred. I was so far from the God I once adored. The shame I felt, was killing me. My life was held on by a thread. A thread, that at any moment was about to snap. I was in a place of complete incomprehensible demoralization. I was spiritually sick, and made myself insane. Every drink made me a little further from who I once was. How could I stop?

It came down to a very broken moment, a prayer that God would take this drink problem away from me. I was made very ill, which was not usually the case. I had the shakes uncontrollably, and the years of shame showered over me. I prayed for God to relieve of the bondage of self. I was on the run so very long. I was weary, my heart so tired.

That began what is now 7 plus years of sobriety. I have a daily reprieve with my loving God, and a program that too holds me accountable. It reaches in to the depth, and is the solution. Alcohol is, but a symptom. So I these two go hand in hand.

I can’t have sobriety without God, and without sobriety there is no God. So I have to keep my spiritual house clean. The cobweb is gone, but the spider is still there. There is nothing a drink will not make worse. I attend meetings regularly, and yes it is a program based off of anonymity. I chose to share my story. That is my choice.

All by the grace of God, and one day at time I get to be sober. God has to be my priority. God has to be my number 1, and I feel my program is a gift from God. I can’t ever forget where I came from, and humble is my feat. For there in an instant there goes I…

Step Twelve
“Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs

All by the grace of God
One day at a time
Recovery is possible!

I am a miracle, I get to be part of a world of people of miracles just like me!

Sober is me just for today!

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/18/10/recovery

Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

Setting sail taking flight for in you my Lord I delight

You took my very broken wings, and gave me flight. I soar swiftly, yet gently across the skies. Day and night

You took my broken heart, and were the ultimate surgeon. Purging the old, and replacing it with new. Your hands were that of Uncondtional Love. No greater love known to man

You took my eyes that saw no hope, and gave me a new forecast. Taking off my mask, and giving me perfect vision. Opened my ears so I might hear, and allowed for my life purpose 

You took me when I was lost, and were my compass. Drawing me out my map. Nudging me along the path. Giving ample supplies to me survive, you heard my cries

When I was shipwrecked at sea you Lord came for me, and salvaged the wreckage. Crafted with the best carpeterners hands giving me a new boat. Set me back out to sea declaring victory in your name. I will never be the same

So I have set sail, and have also taken flight. For in you Lord I delight. With your mighty hands you drug me to safety, and I need not fear anymore. You steer me in flight, and at sea. Amazed in awe of the beauty I see in me. Potential to be anything you want me to be

Alas I have set sail for greater things this life has in thee, you are captain of my ship. From my mouth drips words I am eager to share. For your love, grace, and compassion for nothing compares

Isaiah 40:31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/17/10/sail

Posted in Writings from my heart

I am not one to boast just toast in His blessedness

By the grace of God I am filled with gratitude that I get to be part of such a platform as WP. It all starts in my morning on bended knee. My daily reprieve, “Lord thy will be done”.

That thy will means even in here, that He writes through me. I want to be used for the good of His greater kingdom. I want to be lead by the spirit, and I want to share what my creator has done in miracles in circles around my life.

200 blog posts, just bliss! I thank all of you who read, like, encourage, and stop by with a kind comment. I have actually made a few friends in here, and it has been pure joy! I love what happens when I get out of the way, and let God have His way with my day. 200 blog posts Praise God. Blessed to be part of WordPress!

Acts 20:24 However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me – the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.

Thank you all for being part in my blogging journey
Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

Plucked from the decomposing garden that was my life

Photo: google images

I was plucked from the decomposing garden that was my life, it was all over grown a wretched perception. It needed pruned, and somehow from ruins and decomposition God heard my cries, banshees moan

The gate was rusty, and the weeds so many they intertwined toppling me with every step. Scathed from the thicket. My body bruised, battered, and scorned. The gate began to screech open. Jesus was my ticket out

I had been prisoner of this unkempt land for years. It was all I knew. I just assumed it was my lot for life. I even chose my burial spot within. I lived within the decay, and rot. My memory forgot of any other way of life

Just upon the gardens gate was life. It was colorful, delightful, and free. I was scared I did not belong there. As my hue was lacking for any color. A corpse walking among the dead. I was unkempt, and a dreadful sight

Yet the garden gate remained open calling me into the light. Wanting me to get out of the tall grasses that held me captive blocking my view. Poison Ivy was taking over, it was now or never. My endeavor was to make it through the gate. Even if I crawled, focusing on the tree of life. It sat just on the other side. It was giving me strength to leave

Scared to death. I wriggled my body through the posiness plants. My flesh wanted badly to stay. I knew no other way to live. The dark was what my eyes had become accustomed too. The light was blinding

There He was taller than the grass surrounding me (Jesus). He came through with wrath, and a gardeners hoe. He illumated the garden. Snakes slithered and hid. Toxic plants began to wither. As I kept inching toward He was clearing my path. It was my Lord and Savior. He came for me

My cries were heard, and understood. He translated every sob. He then picked me up from the dirt filled floor, and carried me the rest of the way through the gate. Sat me in front of the tree, and shut the door tight. He then sealed it for no entry. I was plucked from the decomposing garden that was my life. Sat underneath the tree of life, grace dripped like sap into my lap. Napped there for sleep so needed was real

Upon waking I  looked up, and He gently kneeled wiping the tears from my eyes. My vision was clear. Just then a deer was a passer by panting for the water close. So my soul too, longed for that same water, and I could cup into my hands as much as I wanted to. In an instant I was made clean, I gave all my shame to Him. He cleansed me from within. 

I was filled with color, and was motioned to go drink from the living water until I got my fill. This was my life being created brand new. For He rescued me, heeded my pleas. He had the keys to unlock my imprisonment. Unkempt I did not stay, free to be in Jesus I was plucked from the decomposing garden that was my life

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/10/16/banshee

Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

There was no rhyme or reason with alcohol and I, death was my play day after day

There was no rhyme or reason to anything I did in a day nor what I would say. I was captivated by the pull of the bottle as it helped my feelings not to be at play

With each drink making all of what was MY life go away. The pull so great. Enebriate allow me to dance with the bottle day after day, adversity chants

I could never get my fill, I was seeking my own kill. The thrill of all the chaotic madness to sit at bay. Leave for a whole day. Play with me, drink me to sleep. Sing me a lullaby. All in my head. Drink me deaf, and dumb

Wake again to bathe it into my pores. An alcolohic insanity. Travesty awaits. Pick the bottle back up again, Lisa was ready for her game

There was no rhyme or reason I just wanted it to all go away. Who cares how you feel, I don’t feel so just leave me alone to wallow in my pity. Oh you hurt, whatever. You don’t even know my pain

Can you imagine trying to reason with a person such as who I was? Lost in the fuzz. Just let me get buzzed, and sit in my selfiness. Drunkin stupor. This was my 24/7. My mind so crazed it was my heaven

God could not touch my callsoused heart. It was an art. Wearing my mask, and hiding alcohol in my skin

Thank God for His grace and He shook me from this place. Turned my life upside down. Saved me from my drown. I was a bottom feeder before, but man did I ever hit bottom. There was nothing more to do

I desperately needed the ryhme and the reason. Tis the season for change. No more deranged. I wanted a rhythm in my heart, and needed to feel my pain. Stained as I was it was time to trade my bottle for the cross

Put it down drank the grace God poured out. Drink it daily. One day at a time. My life has been given back to me. No more trying to slit my wrists with alcoholic bent

I sit here in awe at all my Lord has done. I see the sun/son! My days are not dark, I walk in the light. Alcohols just an excuse I do not adore. Just a horror 

My hands raise up in thanks for He saved my life from my own self. All I want is His will. Praising God his mercies are new every morning. For this story God gets all the glory!

Romans 3:24 But by the free gift of God’s grace all are put right with him through Christ Jesus, who sets them free

I am today in a recovery program that gives me the tools to live life on life’s term without having to pick up a bottle, this is contingent on my spiritual house!

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/10/15/adversity