I just stay
I feel the soft drops seep within my skin, my bodies sponge wants to keep my hand extended. Dry is not an option. I know I’m not exempt from the worlds lure. Today I have the tools to know I have to keep my hand sweeping the truth. God has gifted me this solution. I need to stay open to each droplet. I can today keep looking through the booze in the glass seeing the doom on the other side. Each drop penetrates my heart, my creators hands gifts me the unique way of gifting back what I have if I chose to stay with arm stretched out with an open mind. The water might become more than a drip, it’s okay God’s got me. Let the rain fall down it’s all so divine. I just stay
I feel the splash upon my face. Dry drunks don’t make it they say, I need to stay. I have the means to keep my hand extended out. My nourishment is each of there’s experience, strength, and hope. It’s the how to keep my soul from withering. It’s mine if I keep extending my palm for waters need. It’s mine for life if I please. I just stay
I feel my soul awakened with each droplet running down the veins of my hand. I never want to go back to parched dry land. Each cascade is willingness to stay. No need for umbrellas cover, for this is where I don’t get pulled under. I just stay
I feel the soft subtle youth of my skin with the waters stain. I know if I just stay I gain. The moment I think I have it all figured out, my body shrivels up like a prune. Surely doomed I choose to keep my hand outstretched because to each of there’s experience, strength, and hope which is truly instrumental to my hearts wealth. I chose to stay my hand out as far as I can reach for waters puddle is my new escape. I just stay
It’s been a long while
I have wanted to post, I am healing. I am taking the necessary time with God to find Lisa without breasts. I know I have my health. My cancer is gone, and I am grateful.
I have missed being on here. I just have had to remain close to God, AA, and my family. This has been a long difficult journey for me. I just wanted to write a little something so you all know I am here.
We’ve been so busy, and have grandkids(plural) now. What a gift they are! Life is beautiful, and this absence is me finding me beautiful now. Acceptance!
Blessings All, Lisa
Remember fear is a liar! I have had to step into my fear with God face on. There’s a place where fear has to face the God I know! I have done this! Now I heal, God bless you all! Stay true to you, and always remember someone else has it much worse!
I will praise you because I have been fearfully and wonderfully made
It’s okay to not always be okay. It doesn’t mean I’m not grateful it means I’m struggling. It doesn’t mean I don’t pray because I do. It just means I’m not okay for today. Maybe tomorrow I don’t know we’re not there yet.
As I sit here waiting to leave for my appointment praying to get my drain tubes out as I have hives all over my torso from the Tagaderm dressing, and one drain clogged that caused a Seroma that will have to be drained I also reflect.
I reflect on this almost 49 year old woman who was crying uncontrollably while her husband gently undressed her to ease her discomfort last night, and helped her into bed. A woman who is trying to find, and grasp the new her
. She is shy for her husband to look at her. The woman who has had a loss, the loss of a body part. A woman who is desperately trying to love herself all over again. You can all say it’s better this way. I know all of this. My body rejected my implants, yet it doesn’t make it any easier to accept.
I can remember people writing in my 7th grade annual to not be jealous of the walls. Trust me I finally came of age, and was happy with what God gave me. This though is different from just being flat chested. I have an incision from one side on my chest to the other, and just my skin. Nothing that resembles breasts at all. I also know as I write this I am just one of millions of woman just like me, but this is my personal journey.
I am doing my best, and my best is all I can do at this moment. I can say this, I thank God for gifting me the man he did. He gently loves me, and lets me go through this process(which sucks). I thank God for being cancer free, and now I pray that God will help me as He has with everything else in my life get through this next new phase in life. I am also grateful for the plastic surgeon who expressed such remorse, and empathy for my situation. It is not his fault my body rejected my implants 2 times. My body is just made different. I am breast cancer warrior! The cancer is gone, and so our my breasts. The older I get, the more I am realizing how intricately made I am…
“for it was You who created my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I will praise You because I have been fearfully and wonderfully made”.
Not much for words today
I am unable to post any pictures do to storage issues that I don’t have time to take care of at the moment. Hopefully soon enough though…
I got Covid last month when I had posted about my Breast Implant Illness, and my surgery to remove my implants was postponed. It is tomorrow, and I am so anxious. I am trying to know there’s a place where fear has to face the God I know. This is that place. Tomorrow at 2:00 is this place. As I write this tears are welling up in my eyes, I am just tired in every aspect of life. Yet I am blessed, and this I know.
My breast cancer journey has been so long, and this body is very tired. I know it is the absolute right thing to do, yet I am human. I do fear the unknown. I don’t know what that first glance in the mirror will be like. I already lost my breasts 2 and a half years ago, but aesthetically I have had two sets of implants now. So I don’t know what a flat chest will look like.
I have such a beautiful support system (my husband), family, and friends are surrounding us in prayer! Please if you pray, pray with us. I just ask for peace that surpasses all understanding.
I don’t have a lot in me today. So I will keep it short. Blessings all…🙏🏻
One-Liner Wednesday-start your day with prayer, and He’ll get you there
“Prayer is the most important conversation of your day. Take it to God before you take to anyone else”. ~Toby Mac
One-Liner Wednesday—Faith to grow His will in your life
“Do not let your faith die if answers come slowly. The delay may be God’s way of working His will in your life.”
There’s a place where fear has to face the God you know, my place is now!
“For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” (Matt. 18:19–20.) Prayer, then, is the vehicle whereby we invite His Spirit to be with us.
I wasn’t going to speak out loud about this, but I know so many of you who pray for us. My next surgery will be the removal of my implants, and I will be going flat. I will be fit with a prosthesis that I can wear, essentially my implants are making me sick. When Brad asked my surgeon what he would do if I was his wife he said “encourage her to go flat, and love her just as she is”. I didn’t think my breast cancer journey would lead to this. Now understand this I can’t feel my implants nor my whole backside, but I still feel as if I have breasts. I am almost 49, and I know they are not my identity. I just look at life,(advertisement after advertisement and breasts all part of these ads). I have had breasts since my youth. I have a very loving husband who is telling me, and reassuring me I am beautiful and he will love me through this all.
I know God has a plan, yet I can’t see it at the moment. I am grabbing on to the cross with all my might, but my emotions are so up and down. Please if you pray, pray for us and with us! What am I asking for? Peace that surpasses all understanding. My biggest fear is what the first glance in the mirror will look like when the bandage comes off. I do know my quality of life will be better, which benefits Brad and I. I haven’t even rode my mountain bike once this year. That’s so not me! We just want my life back! So please all prayer warriors join us if you will as we need to feel God’s overwhelming presence in this time 🎀
One-Liner Wednesday-Prayers for Florida!
“Prayers for Florida”!
My baby girl is all hunkered down in Orlando. Food is prepped, air mattress is set up in closet to sleep on tonight. Candles are ready, and her apartment is cooling so when she loses power. Board games are out, and the bath tub is full. God please protect my Brie Faith as Hurricane Ian is carving its path towards Orlando by this evening. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
One-Liner Wednesday –God the ultimate surgeon
“Prayer is the best medicine, and God is the best doctor”.
Friday at 12:00 o’clock I will be the patient that is represented in the picture above. I will be undergoing my 5th surgery is 2 years on my breasts. I know God will stand right at my side. I absolutely love the picture above, it is beautiful! It is a perfect representation of all I need to carry me!
I saw my surgeon yesterday, and what was supposed to be done October 28th was asked of me for this Friday. Honestly I could hardly breathe as tears streamed down my face when I got the phone call while shopping. All I could do was say let me call my husband. This is just so soon. I knew we both knew it was what needed to be done. So here we go again! As faith will carry us, and God as our guide. We are tired, I am more than tired. So if you pray, please join us! I am God’s, and although I am far from understanding all of this trauma to my body, I have to remain in good spiritual health. Blessings all…🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 Breast Cancer Warrior 🎀
One-Liner Wednesday –continue to grow
“If you focus on the hurt you will continue to suffer. If you focus on the lesson you will continue to grow”.
One-Liner Wednesday-How do you treat people?
“It does not matter how much scripture you can quote. How do you treat people?” ~Toby Mac