“But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven.” Matthew 10:33
DC talk said it best, “What will people think when they hear that I’m a Jesus freak? (It’s the…) What will people do (…freakshow) when they find that it’s true”? Ho ho Ho ho ho-o Ho ho
This morning I am readying myself to see my surgeon, and yes I am very emotionally/physically drained. I cried upon waking which is not my norm. I was quickly reminded of the gift of the breath of life I have. I was reminded how much worse it could be. I was reminded how His mercies are new EVERYmorning. I was reminded that “this too shall pass”. I may have to do this often throughout my day, recognize how great a God I serve. I may be on repeat of hoe He is holding the pen, if I allow Him. How He is in charge, and when I try to take over things just go awry. My heart has the desire for His compass. I know His compass always has my best at heart! It’s art really! Beautiful majestic art! Letting go, and letting Jesus my author my savior hold the pen!
Last night I was advised to go the Emergency room after talking to the on call surgeon. I am one week post swapping out my tissue expanders for implants. The last surgery in my breast cancer journey. Yesterday was the worst I felt the whole time since my surgery.
I was in tears when I was told my husband could not be with me at all. They were doing a work up for sepsis. I had tears streaming my face as my phone would not even connect to make a call out.
Thankfully after a long day with a fever, and feeling very nauseous my blood work came back all clear. My blood pressure was high when I got there. I refused all medication while there, because of all my allergies. I was the only person who could advocate for my own health. They were going to give something on my list of allergies.
So at the end of it all the conclusion is I have a pretty good sized Seroma. I will be seeing my surgeon tomorrow to see how we are going to address this. I am in a lot of pain. I am so swollen, but thank God I am home. Thank God it was not sepsis. Makes you realize how precious life is, and how fast things can change.
I was so weak, and sleepy. The Seroma was just making me feel crappier than I even knew. I have had many of you responding with prayers, and kind words. I just wanted to update you all on what is happening as of now.
So I am resting, and my husband was given 2 more days off of work to be with me. I so appreciate all of your prayers! Lord willing I will stop draining soon. I just keep holding on to “this too shall pass”.
God bless you all, may God be with you all as we approach the coming New Year!
Much jubilation in thinking that we are celebrating the birth of our King. Today when we wake it’s not about all the presents under the tree. It’s about the presence of the Lord we have in our hearts. It is about our loved ones He has gifted us to share such celebrations with. It is about the food that will make our bellies full today, the roof over our heads, and the cozy bed we lie in until the time comes to rise up.
Give thanks today, lift your hands in praise for all the gifts of 2020. It may have been for some a very hard pressed year, it as well though can be one to be grateful for. I know I have grown so much in the Lord in this past year. He has given me so much to smile, laugh, and cheer about. God is always faithful to reveal His presence even in the midst of what we may feel like is the biggest storm our life has seen. Jesus is the reason for the season!
Isaiah 40:31 – But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
7 years, and 4 months ago I fell to my bottom. I doubt anyone ever thought I would make it back up. The rock fell on me, and crushed me. I did rise back up, and with the mercy of God’s forgiveness. I rose with the help of His loving hand. With His grace I soar today! Mine is an ashes to beauty story, and I get to be here to share it today. I chose the little glimpse of hope, and I grabbed onto it with the little strength I could muster. It was then God carried me. Now I am soaring with the Eagles, flying high with God in control of my life.
He leads me to “still waters”, he leads me, and I follow. For there all the noise, and chaos in my day is made tranquil. I can then have a heart open to emerse myself in you. For my prayer is that I can be still, and always know that you are God. In the hustle, and bustle of my days it is easy to get raptured by schedules. Schedules where you have not been penciled in.
How easy for you Lord God to be pushed aside in the rush. It takes but a moment to give you my day, and to make your will my want. Hushed! To remember that you gave me the breath of life that I may have yet another day to be drawn to to you. Lord let there be “still waters” in each day so I can take this time to be in awe in Praise of you. For you are my hope, and my strength. Lead me, and I will follow. Hushed in my heart, and quieted in spirit.
Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “magnet.” Use it any way you’d like. Enjoy!
Magnetic pull! One thing I desire of myself in my life today is to be a light of the Holy Spirit the resides in me. As DC Talks song lyrics state, “What will people think when they hear that I’m a Jesus freak? What will people do when they find that it’s true?”
I am a Jesus Freak today, I love the Lord for he heard my cries! I want everyone to know that God saved me from the depths of the lowest of my own depravity! There is hope that resides in the cross.
So my prayer is that my heart, actions, and words are a magnet of Jesus’s love!
Lunacy in every nook and cranny. Uncanny the secrets of your soiled souls putrid display. Only lucid to those who lurked in the night. Go to sleep you are a fright
If only you could remember the words you sobbed in your inebriation. They would make anyone have goose bumps the size of boulders. Secrets no one should ever have to wear upon there shoulders
Perverse were the things that lay dormant until blood thirsty it fed from the pint sized Fireball Whiskey you always had waiting for you by your bed. It was cloak and dagger. Then you admitted all your sin in the dark as inhibtions transitioned with each taste. Stop, stop talking you are making me sick
Sucker punched is the only way I could explain it. You would have no recollection of the twisted words that broke from there holding cell. Me I was now in mourning
You were not the man I thought you to be. I needed a pardon from the validity. It was such a blow to my heart, I sought my rescue in the numbing fixation you too found in a bottle. Take your knife put in my back twisting and turning it. No swallowing back the words were already spoken. Broken!
Look to left look to the right we were past the fight. If we had only looked up. I told you just tell someone, anyone else please not just me. It was just to much for me as your wife. You knocked the wind out me. You dripped the blood from my soul with frozen twist upon the knife with cruel words of lust. The trust was gone. I still had an inkling of hope even in the dark you resided God was bigger than this
No remission you did this and you would have never been given permission for such a thing. The repercussions great, a fling in the night. If it had only been one
You claim God told you that you can drink. Insanity!! The bible says to not drink not to be drunk. It was not okay for either of us. You tricked yourself. You tricked me, abandoned your marriage bed
I have not been able to really give words to the surprise you sprung, it just felt like life ended. I was suspended from our vows it was the only way out. You handed it right to me, my reprieve rest in your hand. Right there for the taking, and you saw no fault in your ways
So stay, no I could not stay…you handed me the writ of permission I was able to find my reprieve
What a sad story we were, so much potential starting with God. Somewhere He got tossed. You became boss of your soul, and me I can only blame myself for not standing my ground. For in my weakness Satan found way
Reprieve is what you wanted. You made way for it. Bit it off, downed it whole. No save for the soul
So stay, no I could not stay this time with no stutter leaving you to shudder in your lusty maze. If it had only been a phase for that with God we could have saved
A bomb blew up within my heart, I take responsibility for my part. Alcoholic I became totally insane, spiritually sick. For you did not like me not one little bit. So we just continued to get lit
I was able to spend my day with my beloved mom. She was giving of her time to take me to see my surgeon today.
My expander had shifted more causing even greater pain, so this appointment was in hopes of him being able to once again try to manipulate it back into its place.
I was literally in the surgeons office for maybe 10 minutes. It had shifted to where he just turned it left, and bam it was right back to where it belonged. I was in awe. He was so excited he not only high fived me, he hugged me. He knows what a long road this breast cancer journey has been. His face was all lit up.
He wanted me to get my bra on immediately to keep the expander in its place. When he saw my bra, he was not happy. He said it was not supportive enough. His direct orders were to go to lululemon, and buy a very high end sport bra. $213.00 dollars high end. lululemon makes technical athletic clothes for yoga, running, working out, and most other sweaty pursuits. One bra for my needs was $108.00. I have many girlfriends who shop their. It was quite the treat.
Quite the treat is having my breast expander back in place, and I am praying until my surgery it stays there. My mom, and had a very enjoyable day together today. She even treated herself at lululemon.
So here is too beloved family that is willing to help when we need it. My husband got to work all day, because my mom sacrificed her time. Family is such a gift! God is great, and he knows exactly what we need when we need it!
“Honor your father and mother, and love your neighbor as yourself.” – Matthew 19:19