Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

The first time I…

As a huge milestone is fast approaching, I am eager in anticipation to celebrate this day with my dearest. This Thursday August 6th, I will have 7 years of continual sobriety. No toxin in my skin for 7 whole years. Nothing to numb me, and make me dumb

So with that said I can remember back to getting sober. There were so many firsts. I had been drinking pretty heavy for about ten years total when I came to the realization I was totally insane (loco). I was bruised, battered, and stained. I was asleep, like a Zombie. I could barely talk, and most times my walk was staggered. My heart was as dark as the blood that drained from my own dagger. I was held captive in darkness, shackles tight. I could not run fast enough desperation of a dying woman was seizing me

There was no one let alone me I could please. I was so woe is me, and please pity my life. I did not know how to live sober, and free of my spiritual illness. Hope was gone, that was the song on repeat in my cast iron heart. I was dead inside, my blood had run to freezing

So getting back to the sobriety part. The magic, and the artistry of God’s gracious hand on me. Free! Shackles lifted, and lights blind. I was alive, and awake from my slumber. People could see there was no more alcohol in me

The first time I saw myself in the mirror, OH DEAR! What had become of me

The first time I talked without slurring my words, I actually spoke with poise

The first time I said, “I love you,” and felt its meaning

The first time I looked outside, and saw all the earths majesticness I had been blind to

The first time I cried, raw and organic. It flowed like the storm on the night of the Titanic. Years of tears. I was drenched with sorrow, that I cast far away from me with God’s forgiveness

The first time I hugged, I didn’t want to let go it felt so good to swallowed like a bear. Not a single care

The first time I prayed. I could feel the spirit envelop me whole. For this had been years since I had that kind of know

The first time I was grateful my list was as long a hymnal I sang the chorus over and over. For thee I adore once more

The first time I laughed it was loud, and obnoxious like I had never made that sound before. Yet I felt it deep

The first time I was learning Lisa. There was so much to learn. It is was as if I was in school just for me, the A, B, C, s’

The first time I kissed with much nervousness do I even know how. Like do I practice or something I only knew under drunken uninhibitedness

The first time I made a genuine friend, do we talk over tea over something. It was so exciting you see, especially for a drunk like me

The first holiday, I remembered it all. I was festive, and a bit jolly. Break out the Holly

The first time I grieved, even my dad who had passed in 1983. My grief list was too quite lengthly. I had lost a lot in my toxic trance. Now time to take a glance, and then put it all to rest

The first time I started to find new likes, and loves that were all my own. Wow, to be my very own person. The codependency in that broken bottle gone. My age like that of a child, with much wonder. Pure amazement. Easily amused

My list of firsts could go on, and on because I still have some even seven years later. The one thing I know is these firsts are never to be taken for granted. I live my life “one day at a time,” and can never forget where I came from. I work my life with my spiritual house having to be guarded. These firsts are all dependent on my spiritual house, and where I sit. So today I don’t quite have seven years, no not until Thursday. I have the firsts, and I hold them close

The first time someone found enough worth in me to invite me to a recovery meeting, was the first time I realized I needed to have the tools it offered to learn to live sober, and free. So more firsts I could see

The first time I said The Seventh Step Prayer is as follows: “My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding

The first time I snorkeled was this weekend
What a blast all weekend at the River
This is my smile as genuine as a mile post on a sign, I love my life. I live “one day at a time.” . My husband & I so Devine!

Written for Word-Challenge-of-the-day: first

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/first/

Posted in About me

About Lisa:

I will begin with I am madly in love with my life today. This has not always been the case. I am 46 years old, and my journey to get me to madly in love has taken me down quite a broken ratty road. Yet this road of rubble was created by my own hands, as well the insanity of my heart. I was spiritually bankrupt. Almost 7 years ago I awoke from my slumber of finding solace in the bottom of a bottle of broken promises. I was filled with guilt, shame, self-pity, and so was the saying “woe is me”. I became a the poster child for “the world’s tiniest violin” always wanting someone to invest in my sorrow, and childish whims. I did not know how to adult, let alone how to live life without my numbing tonic daily. Well that is how it all started, alcoholism as I have learned is progressive. So daily turned to hourly, which turned to as soon as any sensationalism of my existence in this world seeped through my drunken stupor. I would then chug, gulp, and lick every ounce that bottle had to offer me in my awakened state of metal instability. I was spiritually ill! I was fooled into thinking I was trapped by a love affair I could not divorce myself from. My walls became higher, my veil darker, and my grave heavy with what was what I thought the last nail in the coffin. I was blind, deaf, and dumb. All my life was a fairytale of stories made up my own venomous ways, and my disguise of that darn bottle. I thought I had the whole world deceived into who was me, oh how sadly wrong I was. ‘Twas pride comes before the fall. I fell oh yes I did…HARD! Crushed every bone my body wore, all my blood was about to pour. Was I ready for what God had in store!

Fast forward to now, my “one day at a time.” life. I am today free of my shackles, and I have the tools to know how to live my life on life’s terms without having to pick up. I am also aware this is contingent on my spiritual house, I have to be willing to turn my will over to God daily. I have to accept I am an alcoholic. “One drink is never enough, and a thousand is too many”. I have hope today, and I wake up grateful for another breath of life. I have been growing, and I am adulting to the best of my ability. I am living, and death is not at my door nor is it part of my daily schedule today.

God gifted me life, He renewed my spirit within me. I am happily married to my soul mate. I have two beautiful young adult children, and 3 beautiful young adult step-children. I am goofy, and I love to laugh. I love having my hubby by my side in all of my life adventures. Mountain biking is my passion, and I love summer. Summer and I are like buddies, I can barely handle the goodbye until we meet again summer. Sign me up for anything outdoors, yes even winter sports. I live in Spokane Washington, the beautiful Pacific Northwest. I love to write, and have been here in WordPress before. I was a daily blogger, and frequented inside here for a couple years.

I have been being molded, and shaped more as of recent by my potters hands. I took a little reprieve when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I am now three months post mastectomy, and partial reconstruction. I have one more surgery to be done in the late fall. I am healing phenomenally, and feel so much gratitude for my life. I began anew in here because I did not want to be stuck in a niche of what I wrote about. I am just going to write from the heart, and I will use the word of the day challenge often. Hey maybe even a few surprises will flow from the keys, for we never know where the spirit of the heart might lead.

You will find many ways I express myself in my writing. Writing styles you will find here are Non-fiction Empathetic, muic, Inspirational, and Chatty too. I am not a photographer by any means, but I do share the ones that are allusive with my writing. I hope you enjoy my blog. I am an author, and am multi-faceted in my articulations of self. None of what I express in here would be possible without my creators hands, and his presence in my life today. For I am Lisa, daughter of God. I reside in my Fathers house, this is where I was restored back to sanity. This is where I find my daily reprieve no matter what is going on with me, on bended knee. If there was anything I could say to anyone it would be “don’t give up before the miracle happens.”

And so it begins…I hope you find something that touches your heart, makes you smile, and is welcoming enough to make you wish to stay awhile. God Bless you all.

The Route to the Hiawatha, Wallace Idaho
5 months post double mastectomy, arms raised to the sky. Route to the Hiawatha.
Selfie 🤳
4 months post double mastectomy. Arms risen to the sky! ✌️