I was barely surviving living underneath the surface had become my purpose, treading water with the weight of the world pushing me under with each move of my arms. Bled my blood for the sharks to tug of war, and pull me to shreds. I was in my hardest of hearts already dead.
I couldn’t dare look in the mirror of fear of what might stare back at me. The monster within me had been unleashed. Each guzzle of that booze I became green with envy, and woe is me was my new game. With rage bursting through my veins. The air around me felt like a cage. With each sip I slipped away into the bottle to disappear. I was my own genie.
I recall the day knew I could no longer dance with the devil. I could not dress up for his call. I did indeed fall, but knew I wanted back up. I wanted back all that I allowed to be taken away with my insane brain. Bruised, battered, and stained. I cried out for my Heavenly Father in save of my life. He heard my cries, and lifted me from my depravity. His grace surrounded me. He protected me, and guarded me until I was clean of heart to start over again with Him.
God stepped up, and in. He held me up when I was to feeble to walk. He took stock in me. He cleaned me up, wiped away the crusted years of tears. Threw away my alcoholic stank clothes. Breathed into me a new breath of life, and with that my took my fears. I could feel the warmest embrace, softest hands in touch of my face. I did not have a desire to harm myself, all I wanted to do was bask in this new found truth.
He enable~d me to see just for a moment with a new set of eyes a world I had not seen in all too many a year. Tears of joy soaked my face, I knew the wall of shame I built so high was down. I could see the crown, the prize awaits if I could keep on keeping on even at a snails pace.
I could no longer woe is me, or drink with the freaks. I was not her anymore. I was His! He heard my cries, I love the Lord! He emabled me a new life. The old was washed away that day. I realized I must ask forgiveness of the whore I was. Amazing grace of was given to me, He indeed heard my plea. He enabled me to do the next right thing, from minute to minute at first. Now those minutes have turned to years. How sweet my Father’s love for me! Tears for new life in Him, until the end…
I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Psalm 116:1
After 6 1/2 years a mother and daughter reunited by the gracious hand of God! He saved a wretch like me!
He delivered from all that made me spiritually ill, well
He delivered me from selfishness, selflessness
He delivered me from hopelessness, hope
He delivered me from an attitude of ungratefulness, gratitude
He delivered me from self loathing/pity, compassion
Jesus delivered me, and I no longer hide. I come to Him in a daily reprieve on bended knee with a new song in my heart. I have strength in lift of my hands, and I have a voice today. I can sing. No one can muffle my mouth, booze is not out for strangulation of my self. Praises humming. I get to chose. I chose life. I am delivered free of all the chains, my own self demise. I am His prize.
Jesus delivered me clean, and I am able to look that mirror straight in the glass I see a graceful lady. Nothing shady. The mirror glistens, I am not breathing broken glass. Waiting for the world to pass. Amazed at my eyes for they are the color green. In gaze at my face that should look so much older, and colder. For all the years of running with hate. Fate, yes He delivered me. I gave my life to Him in trade of my own imprisonment.
Jesus delivered me free. My death sentence was appealed at the cross. Crematorium papers misplaced. Declared she is no longer a danger, deranged, or estranged. Jesus declared me legally sane, and my life was singed of on. He paid the penalty on the cross, for how far I was lost. I owed a debt I could not pay, he paid a debt He did not owe. You reap what you sow. It was time for me to get up, go, and grow. I was free. Humming Praises long over do.
He delivered me
This is sanity’s smile, this is what I see every day since Jesus delivered me. And yes my eyes are green, who would have thought. Always was told they were blue, they are not. God could and would if He were sought! Sought!
Fernando Ortega said it best in “Give me Jesus” https://youtu.be/9rZ8k9m2hwo this song was sung was sung at Ruth Bell Graham’s memorial. Fernando is a beautiful soul, I had the honor of meeting him when he played at our church many years ago. Being once married to a P.K.’s kid comes with some cool perks. This song for me says it all!
Upper left hand corner 7 years ago after being booked & arrested for a disorderly intox. Alcohol does not discriminate. I did not always look like that until I allowed alcohol to grab hold of me. I could not live without it. That picture can’t ever be unseen, yet the change in me now is seen! It is real, and known! Here I am 7 years later, and sober! All by the grace of God! I had so many people in prayer for me! Prayer works, Jesus changes!
Weirds Are Word 