“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. ~Charles R. Swindoll
Real talk; 🙏🏻
I need to get real here, having a double mastectomy has been much harder emotionally than I ever anticipated. I know validation of being a woman does not come from that of vanity. I just know I did not take the time to grieve what I have lost. My emotional well-being has suffered as of recent. I am trying to live in the now, and am doing my best to practice acceptance. I can’t change what was, or that I know longer have these body parts. I also need to find my validation in God!
I have been very emotionally upset, which means I need to work on a few things personally. Asking for prayer from my dear family/friends. I have one more surgery November 9th. If I had it my way I would not go, but it is not my way. Please in all of this know I know how blessed I am to be cancer free, I just feel at odds with my new body. I was never a fake me makes me type of girl, and here I am getting my tissue expanders taken out for implants. I just wasn’t okay with nothing at all at the age of 46. Just asking for prayer for acceptance, and for my upcoming surgery to go without complication. God bless you all, I needed to get this off my chest (play on words)…🙏🏻💜
Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “container.”
Getting ready to move! Disclaimer I don’t believe in magic, but if I did I wish for all of my belongings to be a twinkle of my nose into a container. How nice would that be. We just helped my son move, and I over did it. I took a week to get back to feeling a little better. Now it is time to get our house all packed! With a twitch of my nose, no! With the support of my family/friends, and God as my strength we will make this move yet! He always carries us through, so here we go readying for our move
Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always. 1 Chronicles 16:11
God’s word is in order for me to stay out of the way. Each day new! My spirit, and soul must be one with Him. A kinship of the highest authority. He takes priority.
One might ask how I go about this. I marinate my heart in scripture, transfixed eyes upon each word written.
Allow the Psalms to seep within, the book of Proverbs to permeate. Then it will all resognante daily for His glory to be seen in my hope, joy, and experiences.
Stew in the book of Genesis, steep in the New Testement. As Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John they got it going on.
Brew over Job, as his trials make mine seem oh so trivial. His life stripped, and ripped apart. Groveling to his knees. He still gave God all of his heart, now He was smart!
Immerse myself in the apostle Paul, for his life was without stall. It was all God even in imprisonment. Asking the tough question would I be jailed for the teachings of my Lord for all to hear? Makes one think. Spears the heart towards being all Jesus called me to be.
Soak in the living waters, and let the Holy Spirit abound. Introduce, Deuteronomy, Numbers, and Leviticus, for none were written without reason.
Tis’ the season to infuse myself in Revelation for we live perilis times. Already written.
God gave me this all in that of the Bible. A living manuscript for me to adhere to, for without its real life application my clarity might as well go on the wayside.
For in his word is where I charge daily, so nothing can get in the way of my new found clarity. Rarity? Nope not even, just another believer of the miracles God can do when we infuse Him into our lives. He is my all, and redeemer of my soul! This is all in order for me to remain still, and get me out of the way. Each day, renewed.
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
and a light unto my path. Psalm 119:105
This weekend was just one of those weekends. I guess you could say I was in a bit of a funk. A little stuck.
Nothing too daunting, or that prayer could not see me through. I just have been waking in immense pain. I think per my personality I have over done it a little. My breasts felt like they were on fire, and I was extremely exhausted by the pain.
Healing from a double mastectomy is not just wham bam, and you’re healed. It is a lot of rest, and recovery. I don’t do very well sitting still. My sleep was suffering which doubled up with my mood. My poor husband who just wants to fix me, oh what to do?!? I know he could feel my energy, and it made him sad.
His suggestion yesterday was sweet, and very compassionate. Knowing he might have the chance at getting snipped at a bit. “Let’s go for a drive honey.” It took all of me to muster enough energy, but there we were side by side in the car. His hand in mine, and knowing that I probably needed to get out of the house I managed a half smile. A little laughter here, and there too. For how sweet of gesture for him to do. He could have left me at home, suffering with pain. Nope! He was kind, and his heart was 100% sacrificial love for his bride. He could not bare to see me not my usual bubbly self.
As we were driving, and talking I looked up in the sky. Oh my it was a heart shaped in the fluff, baby blue too. It was timely to say the least. I felt God made that heart just for my eyes to see. Of course I proceeded to take a picture of it. So in my pain, and rather dull mood I looked up, and oh my the sky was a beautiful shade of gray hues with a heart right there in the middle. I felt God in that moment. He made me realize the gift in my husband, and the gift in life. I might have been in extreme pain, but the cancer is no more. That sky was for me to see on that drive (suggested by my sweet husband). I know this for sure when we are connected to God He meets us in our need. He met me there in the car with my stare, and He gave me a heart shaped in a cloud to reveal his presence. It woke me from my hum drum mood. Before long my husband, and I were both rocking out to an old 80’s song. Air guitars, and all.
So classic, in an instant with God we can go from being a zero to a ten. He lifts the spirit, and He knew in that in that moment I needed my baby blue heart surrounded by puffy gray clouds for only my eyes to see. Jesus met me there in my car, with a heart in the sky to catch only my eye. Timely
“My times are in Your hands …” Psalm 31:15. At the right time, God will provide your need. At the right time, God will deliver you. At the right time, God will rescue you.
Redemption, redeemed. The song below was played on our wedding day. The lyrics are absolutely beautiful. I can’t imagine not being a believer in these days in time. Salvation, Jesus saved me. Jesus saves, period! The most broken, weary soul He will restore!
These times we live in are perilous. They are daunting, and are trying on the spirit. So Holy Spirit fall fresh on me. For you are how I get through all the things I have seen on tv as of recent that can’t be unseen. Jesus this world needs your unconditional love, that comes from receiving you at the cross.
Reflection today brings me to my salvation that came from your redemption! This all allows my spirit to be set free.
It’s never to late to show up in need, and desire of God’s will for your life. In an instant you can change your hearts beat. Pray for Him to meet you in your strife. God will show up. He is that gracious of a Father. So just holla’!
He will be there, not in an year. Not even a month, He will not let even a week pass by. Days nope, not hours, nor minutes He will not stall. He hears your cry for help. He will be there in the midst of your yelp!
For God’s address is NOW!
I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Psalm 116:1
I give myself to you. I hold my hand upon my heart in allegiance to you God. My flag flies at high mast every day
I am a soldier in your army. I wake to sharpen my sword daily in your word. Seeping in the words, you gave as instructions for my life
Making sure I wear the breast plate of righteousness. The belt of truth, shield of faith, helmet of salvation, and sword of the spirit
My feet are to be clothed too, “shod” with the gospel of peace. Comitting myself as a warrior brining back news of great triumph
I give myself to you. May my feet take me places they have not set print in. Proclaiming the victory of you, Jesus on the cross for none have to be lost
A victory that brings us peace, and a flag that never has to be hung half mast. May it hang high, and catch the breeze of peace. Making ruffled noises of songs of praise in Jesus’s name
I give myself to you, each day. I can see if I am on my knees, and if I pray you will help me get through the day. In your word, I will find my sword. I will sharpen it daily
I hold my hand upon my heart in allegiance to you. My flag hangs high “shod” with my fleeting feet from the day. Peace, Victory, Good News proclaimed. Higher on the mast, let all hear from near and far the victory of our Lord Jesus sung through the breeze, at high mast higher even yet for all to see persnickety I chose not to be. For your allegiance is far greater than all the lefts voices in my ears. Yours rings clear
9/11/2001; I will never forget for we are the land of free, because of the brave. Jesus saves!
Ephesians 6:15 Having shod your feet the preparation of the gospel of peace
September is National Recovery month. This is my daddy William Michael O’Day.
At the age of 9 under the influence of alcohol he called my mom on the phone, and killed himself. He was mentally, and spiritually ill, just as I was 7 years ago. We don’t have to be a William. We do recover! I will forever be a daddy’s girl, and when I reached the point of incomprehensible demoralization it helped me forgive his selfishness for taking his life. For I was just as sick as him. Today I am free, and I know I am powerless over alcohol. It is “one day at time” and solely dependent on my spiritual house. Today it is clean, I have to work to keep it this way! Reach out for help if you are lost, or feeling there is no light in your world. There are so many of us out there that can, and will help! We do recover! In memory of William Michael O’Day 10/13/52-4/11/1983, I will love you forever!
Side note; I am, and will always be an alcoholic. I just know how to not have to drink today. This is “one day at time”. It up to me to stay spiritually well. It is up to me to know what tools I need to be sober in my sobriety. Life happens, and heartache comes. I don’t have to drink if I keep a conscious contact with God. I am powerless over alcohol, but God has all power to keep me from taking that drink. The spider is dead, but the cobweb is still there. I have a daily reprieve to keep the spider from waking. I know today there is nothing a drink will not make worse. If you have reached a point of insanity, which is where I was. I had no peace or serenity in my life, but it is possible. Reach out to someone, pick up your phone. Recovery can happen, and you too can find the serenity in your life. Don’t let something have power over you, and destroy your life. Alcohol is but a symptom, and their is a solution. God could and would if he were sought…seeking daily!
(1). I admitted I was powerless over alcohol (2). Came to believe that a power greater than myself (God) could restore me to sanity (3). Made A Decision To Turn My Will And My Life Over To The Care Of God As I Understood Him.
Yet I wasn’t laughing, since Covid and Breast Cancer double Mastectomy surgery this has been my life, except I wasn’t laughing.
So the whole idea I pull up with my driver, and we call the number on the outside of the door to the clinic to check in. My mom happened to be my driver on this day. The lady responds with “a nurse will be right out to get you.” It is a very hot dry day resting temp is about 98 degrees.
My mom proceeds to recline her drivers seat, and begins to fall asleep. It is pretty close to closing time inside the clinic. Once 5:00 rolled around, and an hour had passed I called that number again. They forgot about me, and it was my mom who was more unhappy about the situation then me. She let them know when they came out to get me too. She works at a hospital so this was not okay with her in slightest bit, Covid or no Covid. I was like you tell them mom. Covid has changed how all my appointments go. This day though my mom and I were really like seriously?!?! Patience is a virtue (play on words).