Posted in Writings from my heart

Update on my health…

For this I thank you ALL!

Last night I was advised to go the Emergency room after talking to the on call surgeon. I am one week post swapping out my tissue expanders for implants. The last surgery in my breast cancer journey. Yesterday was the worst I felt the whole time since my surgery.

I was in tears when I was told my husband could not be with me at all. They were doing a work up for sepsis. I had tears streaming my face as my phone would not even connect to make a call out.

Thankfully after a long day with a fever, and feeling very nauseous my blood work came back all clear. My blood pressure was high when I got there. I refused all medication while there, because of all my allergies. I was the only person who could advocate for my own health. They were going to give something on my list of allergies.

So at the end of it all the conclusion is I have a pretty good sized Seroma. I will be seeing my surgeon tomorrow to see how we are going to address this. I am in a lot of pain. I am so swollen, but thank God I am home. Thank God it was not sepsis. Makes you realize how precious life is, and how fast things can change.

I was so weak, and sleepy. The Seroma was just making me feel crappier than I even knew. I have had many of you responding with prayers, and kind words. I just wanted to update you all on what is happening as of now.

So I am resting, and my husband was given 2 more days off of work to be with me. I so appreciate all of your prayers! Lord willing I will stop draining soon. I just keep holding on to “this too shall pass”.

God bless you all, may God be with you all as we approach the coming New Year!

I thank God for this man whom has been by my side this whole time. He is my best friend! My love, my husband, my heart! We both cried last night when separated!
Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

New breasts for Christmas, God grant me the Serenity

And there it was a number overly recognized on my caller ID. We had just prayed with the knowledge I had ripped all of my stitches that held my tissue expander in place, and tore my muscle that my last breast cancer surgery would be moved up.

That ring was God answering our call, we had changed the date several times. We just moved so that became priority, then I just way over did it. Me! Anyone who knows me knows that is just how I work. I wanted so desperately to get my home all decorated, and settled in. Well that is all done, I am fresh out of excuses. As well I am very uncomfortable to say the least. Sleep is hard, and my left breast is discombobulated. It moves inside a little too much for my liking. So of course I said yes. God heard our cries.

My surgery for my breast implants is December 21 at 9 a.m. So I am getting new boobies for Christmas. I am nervous mostly with all of the Covid cases, but I trust God as my ultimate surgeon. As well my oncologist put me in the hands of one of the best plastic surgeons in our city. I expect the best outcome. Yes it is not natural, but at 46 it was the best decision for me. I couldn’t imagine having no breasts. We thought about every option, and every route woman take when given a double mastectomy due to Breast Cancer.

I woke to a disturbing private message begging me not to do this. This lady quoting “she is saving my life.” As if I haven’t done all the research on the pros and cons of Breast Implants. As well I have a very complex makeup. I have had numerous surgery related complications, and allergies as well. My surgeon is very well aware of my previous hardships. So to say I was a little put off by her unwanted opinion is an understatement. I don’t wish to start any morning off with a lack of Serenity. Yet there I was, feeling like who does she think she is? I was angry, and put off. I got emotional. I allowed her to take my peace, just for a minute.

Immediately my husband, and I went to prayer. We together asked God to intervene. I can’t afford to have my Serenity be upset, nor be in fear and not faith as I am readying for such a huge change in my life. I am so grateful I know when my spiritual house is disturbed. So now my heart is back on track, and we have a lot to do before my surgery to be ready for our Christmas.

Thanking God today who always keeps me on the right path to the next right thing. Thanking God for hearing our plea to up the date. He is so faithful!

I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Psalm 116:1

God is my ultimate surgeon! Amen 🙏🏻

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/12/02/natural/

Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

Acceptance with God’s help is the answer to ALL my problems today…

This move for me took a lot out of me, more than I ever imagined. I thought I kind of had this whole double mastectomy thing licked. 6 weeks after my surgery I was walking daily, and soon that went into mountain biking. A lot of mountain biking too!

Well mountain biking is one stretch of the upper body, and a whole lot of lower body strength. With this move my body has experienced so much push back. My body is not used to the stretching, bending, pulling, and lifting that comes with unpacking a home full of boxes.

This week I have experienced 3 major emotional breakdowns. My body does not want to cooperate with what my brain wants to accomplish. So this leaves me with acceptance. I have got to accept the limitations of my body. I am not one to easily ask for help. This week though I had no choice, but to pick up my phone. I needed to talk about my emotional state because I can’t afford to be stuck for too long where I have been. Right now I am just in the mud, if I don’t lean into God with acceptance soon enough I will find myself in quicksand. Sinking in self pity, and letting my ego get the best of me. Humility is a must for me!

It is amazing at how having a spiritual connection with my Lord, and savior as well a recovery program keeps me touch with my character defects. I can see when I am missing the mark. I am gifted the tools today to not have to stay where I have been. I just got to get my tool box out, and get the tool needed for this difficult time. I need the serenity prayer, and God to help me understand who I am now after my double mastectomy. As well the no sensation in my breasts has really hit me hard.

So I was kind of smacked up side the head with a major reality that I am not as well of as I thought I was. I do though know with my loving God, AA program, and all the support of my family I can get there. My husband is a God send!

I will always be amazed at how God is so faithful to meet us right where we are. We can be at the highest point of joy, or the lowest point of grief that comes with much weariness, and He is there. He is sovereign, and He loves me unconditionally. So there it is I have had a heck of a week with some major choking gut wrenching tears, and whacky thoughts. I am far from perfect, and I have felt a little crazy with my emotional upsets. Though everyone has reassured me that it okay to fall to pieces, as long as I don’t stay in pieces. So my prayer is God will grant me acceptance!

I am far from the superhuman I was wanting to be, and pushing myself to be. As well as the lack of sensation in my breasts makes me no less the woman than I was. I am a child of God! My value is not in, and of this world. My value rests in the eternal world of my Lord! Praise God for that! I am always amazed at His faithfulness to His children! So blessed to be one of His, and in His family today!

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/11/05/amazed/