Just me, and my shadows truth/Photo Challenge #426

Photo by Marco Bianchetti on Unsplash

All I see is the shadow of a little girl, all though the skin I am in is my adult. I can’t face it day in

All I see is tears pooling down my cheeks, to weak to share. Would they even care

All I see is this little girl scared to death as she crosses the road, memories in toll. Mom screaming “no please don’t do it”. Me curled in a little ball, sobbing uncontrollably for what is about to be my daddy’s end

I am too scared to face my own shadow. I just keeping walking thinking the memories will pass with each swift step. Just me in stringy hair, wanting all the noise to stop. My heart is skipping beats, but my feet are now running. My reflection is only that of my little 3rd grade self. Heeeellllpppp

I am panting, now sprinting from memories pain. The air around me feels like a cage. Stop the insane. Stop him mom, don’t allow him to take his life. He is only thirty, and I nine. My mom his wife. Why oh why? Stop the boiling in my veins from words I’m putting together as horrified moments end

That was it, she screamed louder than anyone I had ever heard “NO”! It was a nightmare, but it was my nightmare true. I ran out, and the phone cord dangled from the table. My mom was not there she ran as fast as my shadow, and left me there all alone staring at the phone bouncing in sorrow. No more tomorrow daddy

I am all alone, I put all the jargon together in my head. My daddy pulled the trigger, and now he is dead. No hope, so lost. At the cost of leaving me alone with my shadow as a little girl, and not wanting to change into its adult as years pass

I can’t chase that shadow anymore, and even give it a moments stare. The pain runs caverns deep. All I would do is weep. Look at it Lisa, what do you see? A five foot two inch girl, in heels. I am not that little girl anymore with stringy hair. I must except the shadow I walk with. It is me, I can’t reside in fear. I am here dealing with the truth, just me and my shadow. It no longer looms. Back to school the next day, and back to reality today I must remain. Sane

https://mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com/2022/08/09/photo-challenge-426/

Laying my mother-in-law to rest tomorrow

Prepping Bible verses, listening to my husband’s hearts share as we lay his mom to rest tomorrow.

We know her final resting place is in the arms of Jesus. She was a believer, and that brings us so much peace. My husband is at the age where many of his friends are losing their parents. This loss brings him to the loss of both his dad, and mom. It really makes you think, and ponder the years of your life.

The City of Spokane Police Chaplain happens to be a dear friend of mine. He is doing her service. He just texted asking if I was ready with my Bible verses. I am (tearfully) I am.

Psalms 23 

The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. 

He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, 

he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. 

Even though I walk through the darkest valley,I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 

6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

She was an artist this was their family Christmas card in the 70’s. She was so talented! My husband is the one holding “from L.A.”.

CBWC: Tender Moments—Here today, gone tomorrow

This is our Mother’s Day until what was 4 days ago. All so fast, and it almost seems unreal. I feel as if I am in a daze. Jesus I know not your ways. Rejoicing she is free of her pain. Grieving for what was, and celebrating her beautiful life all at the same time. Goodbyes are so hard to say! Until that day we meet Jesus face to face.

I haven’t been on for a bit because 3 days ago we lost my husband’s beautiful mom. Patricia Anne, she had dementia. She had taken a fall, and broke her wrist. Then the devastating news she was found on the floor with a severely broken hip. Here today, and gone tomorrow. It took her so fast. We rejoice for she is now free of her pain, and in the arms of Jesus. I will tell you though this loss has been so difficult. It is the finality of my husband’s earthy God given parents. We were there with family until she took her very last breath.

We were there when she met her maker face to face, and her body/mind so broken left her. Her soul was taken, and her earthy body left behind. She had been set free of her body that decayed, and withered away so fast. Singing praise Jesus at last with that one last gasp. Chest stopped as we sank into tears. On May 18 at 8:23 a.m she was met with maker. Free!

It was an agonizing night of her moaning in pain, and morphine on the hour. Lord hear our cries, take her was often spoke in whispers under our weary breath.

So now she is gone, and we have not had a second to stop and grieve. I just started a new job. We are moving, we have to have all of her things out of her assisted living by the end of the month. We had a death, a funeral, and last night our two very best friends married one another. What a whirlwind of emotions. So I found this prompt tender moments a perfect time to share my absence with you all. God has us, and we are trying so hard to just breathe as we are so very tired. We feel the grief come in waves. I know this too shall pass. Hold tight your loved ones, because one day that last I love you will ring so loudly in your head.

I saw this flower laying in the rocks as my mother-in-law was passing, and it perfectly represented her. She laid there body broken, mind gone. As the pedals are scattered on the rocks. That flower will soon blow away with the wind, just as my beautiful mother-in-law opened her eyes one last time in her dementia state of mind taking us all in one last time. Here today, and gone tomorrow. She is free!

https://ceenphotography.com/2022/05/19/cbwc-tender-moments/

CMMC – April Pick a Topic from my Photo

Welcome to Cee’s Midweek Madness Challenge (CMMC), the topic is Pick Your Topic from My Photo below. Possible topics house, attic, porch, star, trees, ladder,window, door, blue, light teal or seafoam, green, red, tree, hydrangea, roses bush, neighborhood, fence, pairs, etc. What else can you come up with?

Ladder to the sky
This pair trying to ready for Easter Sunday
Just me, and this starfish

https://ceenphotography.com/2022/04/20/cmmc-april-pick-a-topic-from-my-photo-2/

I can’t even blame credulity, I know my hand. I know my part

I can’t remember a time when we were not about thrive, it was a pep talk into perseverance because our daily was one more bolt that was about to be stripped. We had a bag full of all the bolts we vanished its divets from. Repeatedly trying so hard to screw them back into place. A rivet away from homelessness

So co-dependant it would make ill sick, how we pushed for so long I still don’t know. We desperately clung to our 19 year old selves. We had faded away in youth, just as morning faded into night. Swindled by our on sight, it was time to grow up. Yet we didn’t

Pretending we became so very good at, a tea parties delight. Dressed to the kilt with all the latest of gadets. When the rent came do we scrambled to have it. Looks can be deceiving. Dress up a family of four for all to adore, and they will not see famished rising from within. Covered skin with name brands to no end

Even tried to abide as much as the crisp cool dark that we had encased ourselves in would allow. Upon these moments a fire fly here and there was all the light we could muster. Running with dark like a wolf, the angels always trying to get back hold of our then bones we were so scathed from false pretense 

I can’t remeber a time when we were not about thrive. It was who we were. How we would come upon the monies to pay the next bill in wait. Ever heard of this thing called a job?!? The bible quotes a man who does not work will lack bread for his table. This was no fable. Did you ever really get a look at our seating for four. What was missing, a feast yes that was one. If you looked further you could see our kids jeans hanging from wasted waitslines their weight melting away from lack of nourishment. There was no flourish, we had not much left of our remains. Dig the graves make them ready, for we are barely going to make it

I had already said my goodbyes to all that tried to make way for health. The wealth we wrapped ourselves in was a farse. We were a travesty. Take off your tapestry you will see we are empty

Empty your pockets of only lint. Even more vacant were our hearts. For we had long resided elsewhere. We had no longer a barring even Gorilla glue would not do. We were beyond the fix. We were beyond charities hand.  People had caught on, fraudulent demeanor. No pity, for we dug ourselves into a slimy pit of ruins. Living in ancients past, I feel sorry for our story is a really badly written county artist song. Not melodic in the sing along. In fact turn that crap off 

I can’t remember a time when we were not about thrive, did you honestly think we would survive living like that? We were just a moment away from the loss of it all. We had been laughed at, and seen as fools. All our schooling went on the wayside for we were always trying to thrive. We never were about DO!! You think the two don’t walk hand in hand? Fools

We did not survive we are now casaulietes of our own demise. I can’t remember a time we were not about thrive. Maybe if I was to blame credulity I could say, but I know it takes to two to make a mess of a life that was one. I see this today with much clearer vision. Not gullible to my part, and I guess we both should have seen there was nothing that could keep us from falling apart. Spiritually ill makes for clean kill.

Praise God for His forgiveness reigns down from above, at the cross I found myself weeping for forgiveness, and asking for His unconditional love for all of four of our loss. Regain our spirit, and renew of hearts soul. Lord God save us, make us fragrant with your shed blood for us. Allow us to see the dove take flight, and once again reside in your light. Years later I thank you for I believe you have worked circles in miracles of at least three of these lives. Prayer, and fervency of thy will not mine. For my Lord God His love is divine. He has restored the years I allowed the locusts to eat away. How great a God is He

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2022/04/15/