I can’t even blame credulity, I know my hand. I know my part

I can’t remember a time when we were not about thrive, it was a pep talk into perseverance because our daily was one more bolt that was about to be stripped. We had a bag full of all the bolts we vanished its divets from. Repeatedly trying so hard to screw them back into place. A rivet away from homelessness

So co-dependant it would make ill sick, how we pushed for so long I still don’t know. We desperately clung to our 19 year old selves. We had faded away in youth, just as morning faded into night. Swindled by our on sight, it was time to grow up. Yet we didn’t

Pretending we became so very good at, a tea parties delight. Dressed to the kilt with all the latest of gadets. When the rent came do we scrambled to have it. Looks can be deceiving. Dress up a family of four for all to adore, and they will not see famished rising from within. Covered skin with name brands to no end

Even tried to abide as much as the crisp cool dark that we had encased ourselves in would allow. Upon these moments a fire fly here and there was all the light we could muster. Running with dark like a wolf, the angels always trying to get back hold of our then bones we were so scathed from false pretense 

I can’t remeber a time when we were not about thrive. It was who we were. How we would come upon the monies to pay the next bill in wait. Ever heard of this thing called a job?!? The bible quotes a man who does not work will lack bread for his table. This was no fable. Did you ever really get a look at our seating for four. What was missing, a feast yes that was one. If you looked further you could see our kids jeans hanging from wasted waitslines their weight melting away from lack of nourishment. There was no flourish, we had not much left of our remains. Dig the graves make them ready, for we are barely going to make it

I had already said my goodbyes to all that tried to make way for health. The wealth we wrapped ourselves in was a farse. We were a travesty. Take off your tapestry you will see we are empty

Empty your pockets of only lint. Even more vacant were our hearts. For we had long resided elsewhere. We had no longer a barring even Gorilla glue would not do. We were beyond the fix. We were beyond charities hand.  People had caught on, fraudulent demeanor. No pity, for we dug ourselves into a slimy pit of ruins. Living in ancients past, I feel sorry for our story is a really badly written county artist song. Not melodic in the sing along. In fact turn that crap off 

I can’t remember a time when we were not about thrive, did you honestly think we would survive living like that? We were just a moment away from the loss of it all. We had been laughed at, and seen as fools. All our schooling went on the wayside for we were always trying to thrive. We never were about DO!! You think the two don’t walk hand in hand? Fools

We did not survive we are now casaulietes of our own demise. I can’t remember a time we were not about thrive. Maybe if I was to blame credulity I could say, but I know it takes to two to make a mess of a life that was one. I see this today with much clearer vision. Not gullible to my part, and I guess we both should have seen there was nothing that could keep us from falling apart. Spiritually ill makes for clean kill.

Praise God for His forgiveness reigns down from above, at the cross I found myself weeping for forgiveness, and asking for His unconditional love for all of four of our loss. Regain our spirit, and renew of hearts soul. Lord God save us, make us fragrant with your shed blood for us. Allow us to see the dove take flight, and once again reside in your light. Years later I thank you for I believe you have worked circles in miracles of at least three of these lives. Prayer, and fervency of thy will not mine. For my Lord God His love is divine. He has restored the years I allowed the locusts to eat away. How great a God is He



Goofy is as goofy does, intention-ally me

Extrovert by nature, I don’t need the bottle to articulate. I am just a happy go lucky person, and the grass is greener where I now reside. No need to hide 

Was scared to be sober. Felt booze was always in order. Needed it so I thought, I actually am better without a drop. Goofy I am, and even goofier as sober I stay

I am outgoing, and bubbly it just secretes from within naturally. God has rescued, and revived me in the clarity I have daily. I am a better person dry

I am not in need of that toxic waste, it fooled me into thinking I was better off with its vibrance seeping from within. No need to wet my soul with the bottle of old

For today is yet another day goofy, and authenticity reigns. I do not have to fake it to barely make it. I am alive, and free without that dreaded bottle to cling

Extreme has always been my person, for I am an alcoholic. We thrive off of drama, and chaotic ruins we wade in. The differance is with my Lord and Saviour, I don’t have to dwelve there 

Held captive no more, goofy is as goofy does. Laughter is my new step. I lept into the arms of my gracious Father. For there I find sobriety, one day at a time. Sober fun is easy, less dramatized too. I long since changed my shoes, and was made brand new

Bid the bottle adieu, and dry I will stay yet another day. Less complicated is this barren land. Free of muddy tear stained puddles, made by me. Thank you Jesus for setting me free!!

Free to commuicate without sloppy, slurring words. Absurdity no more. Goofy I adore! Sober is me! Intention-ally me!


Decorate me with thee

Decorate me with thee

I wake, and I daily turn my will and my life over to the care of God. Asking in turn His will be done. I ask Him to decorate my heart with the spiritual gift of willingness. A spoonful of willingness to begin my day

I continue throughout my day I am gifted a beautiful daily reprieve where I get to stop at anytime. If I am feeling irritable, or discontent I can pray. God’s address is NOW, wow! I ask Him to decorate my heart with peace and serenity. A spoonful of peace to sweeten up what was a little salty in my head. For certainly I don’t really wish to go back to bed

I take pride in decorating my home, so should I not do the same in the decorations that adorn my heart. Paying attention to every detail in the art. Getting rid of a fractured frame, straightening a crooked picture. Just as the walls in my home are not bare, I am equally aware of the walls of my heart

Lord I ask that you continually decorate my heart with only the art work of your hands. For there is no greater master artist then that of you. Decorate my heart with the boldest of pieces. Where when everyone sees my smile, and my eyes they only see you. For your artist hands give me the gifts my heart so desperately needs daily. Mold me, and make me. Decorate me as it pleases you not me

Decorate me with thee

Colossians 3:1 “Set your hearts on things above”.


Waking with 8 years of “one day at a time” sobriety all by the grace of God

“Rarely have we seen a person fail who has throughly followed our path” ~Bill W. & Dr. Bob

I wake this morning with 8 years of sobriety all by the grace of God. I get to live, love, and laugh in the solution today. Alcohol was but a symptom. I was so spiritually sick, and today I begin with thy will not mine be done. One day at a time. I am not exempt from picking up that bottle, it is solely contingent on my spiritual house. This morning my heart is right before God. So with much gratitude I will celebrate this day of 8 years, giving God all the glory for my story.

I was a bottom feeder. I was at my lowest. Bruised, battered, and stained. I had danced with the devil day in, and day out. Enough to cause insanity to anyone. Today when I dance I am a princess, and I choose to dance with my King. Far from perfect I am, but today I have the tools to recognize my character defects. I am aware when I need to stop, drop, and pray. On any given day God’s address is NOW. I have a daily reprieve, and I hang with the winners. I came in willing to do whatever was asked of me with the desperation of a dying woman.

8 years later I get to share my experience, strength, and hope with others. I get the gift of working with other women. I get the gift of serving in my home group. I say get, because one sip of booze and all bets are off.

I daily wake powerless over alcohol. I daily turn my will and life over to the care of God as I understand Him. I daily have God step in, and do for me what I can’t even often see what He is doing for me in the moment. He does for me what I can’t do for myself, and I have willingness to see what He is teaching me in those moments.

8 years of peace, and serenity. I used to thrive off of chaos, and calamity. I don’t do well there today. Thank God for the gifts of this simple program, and being open minded as well willing for 8 years of “one day at a time”.

Sobriety is a journey not a destination, and a beautiful one at that.

Thank you to all my husband, children, family, and all friends of Bill W. and Dr. Bob. My hearts biggest thank you is to God who saved a wretch like me. Ashes to beauty. From wretch to princess.

You can find me today in a room listening to others stories. As well sharing my experience, strength, and hope. Praying that my hope might whisper into just one ear from someone else who sits in their chair for the first time like I did 8 years ago lost wanting to find the solution.

Here is to never forgetting where I came from, every tear shed. From the darkest caverns, to the highest mountain peaks I pray my life shouts JOY, PEACE, and HOPE!

God could, and would if He were sought!


My soulmate

Like scarlet, let them be white as snow. Though they are as red as crimson…

“Come now, let us reason together,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. but if you resist and rebel, you will be devoured by the sword.” For the mouth of the LORD has spoken. Isaiah 1:18

Scarlet, but watch me grow. Clean me up, and pour from my cup