Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

New breasts for Christmas, God grant me the Serenity

And there it was a number overly recognized on my caller ID. We had just prayed with the knowledge I had ripped all of my stitches that held my tissue expander in place, and tore my muscle that my last breast cancer surgery would be moved up.

That ring was God answering our call, we had changed the date several times. We just moved so that became priority, then I just way over did it. Me! Anyone who knows me knows that is just how I work. I wanted so desperately to get my home all decorated, and settled in. Well that is all done, I am fresh out of excuses. As well I am very uncomfortable to say the least. Sleep is hard, and my left breast is discombobulated. It moves inside a little too much for my liking. So of course I said yes. God heard our cries.

My surgery for my breast implants is December 21 at 9 a.m. So I am getting new boobies for Christmas. I am nervous mostly with all of the Covid cases, but I trust God as my ultimate surgeon. As well my oncologist put me in the hands of one of the best plastic surgeons in our city. I expect the best outcome. Yes it is not natural, but at 46 it was the best decision for me. I couldn’t imagine having no breasts. We thought about every option, and every route woman take when given a double mastectomy due to Breast Cancer.

I woke to a disturbing private message begging me not to do this. This lady quoting “she is saving my life.” As if I haven’t done all the research on the pros and cons of Breast Implants. As well I have a very complex makeup. I have had numerous surgery related complications, and allergies as well. My surgeon is very well aware of my previous hardships. So to say I was a little put off by her unwanted opinion is an understatement. I don’t wish to start any morning off with a lack of Serenity. Yet there I was, feeling like who does she think she is? I was angry, and put off. I got emotional. I allowed her to take my peace, just for a minute.

Immediately my husband, and I went to prayer. We together asked God to intervene. I can’t afford to have my Serenity be upset, nor be in fear and not faith as I am readying for such a huge change in my life. I am so grateful I know when my spiritual house is disturbed. So now my heart is back on track, and we have a lot to do before my surgery to be ready for our Christmas.

Thanking God today who always keeps me on the right path to the next right thing. Thanking God for hearing our plea to up the date. He is so faithful!

I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Psalm 116:1

God is my ultimate surgeon! Amen 🙏🏻

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/12/02/natural/

Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

Be careful what you pray for…😂🤙

Please let me add a disclaimer; I would like to explain this was my life as an alcoholic, married to an alcoholic. The insanity of the choices that were made, had no logic behind them. I still am able by the grace of God to find some humor in a few of our catastrophes.

My son had prayed for months every single night for a limousine, and sheep (yeah sheep kind of an odd prayer). I kid you not about 3 months after his continual prayer a super stretch limo pulled up in the round about out in front of our apt complex. My phone rang while in my hands, it was my then husband. “Look out window,” he said. What the…it was white with tinted windows, and it was a superstrech at that. He found this amusing as this was now our “family vehicle”. Bullet Hole decals in all its Glory. Lordy, Lordy! I would not have been surprised to have walked down, and find it full with sheep.

I told Eli to stop praying for such things. At first the kids were excited, it had purple velvet with L.E.D lights, a booming sound system, t.v., and could be equipped with any entertainment game system. Did I forget to mention the bar, oh yeah it had a bar. 

This limo screamed tacky. It was the worst purchase he had made yet. I still was in shock that the title read our names. No way I could drive it, the length alone would be a nightmare with my lack depth perception.  

So here are some very legit reasons besides the obvious a family should NEVER own limo..Unless you want to be a rapper. 🎧🎤

  1. Your kid gets asked if he is famous as he is dropped of at middle school, embarrassed to tell people that is his family car
  2. Your daughter gets hauled inside by the High School security guard. He proceeded to ask her who the man in the Fedora is that drives her to school in a limo. I mean really a Fedora, of course it was her pimp (I mean dad). He thought he was looser drug dealer. Wow! We made quite the impression.
  3. Dad leaves on a film shoot to Israel in the middle of winter, mom can’t drive it unless she wants vehicular homicide on her record.
  4. When traveling across the United States (which yes we did) it breaks down on a Mountian pass. Triple A comes to our aide claiming they can’t help, it is too long to go behind or on one of their trucks. Oh Crap!!
  5. When driving through small towns with a low clearance vehicle, and you cross over a rail rode tie leaving chunks of the car behind. Then having to Jimmy Rig it as no one in town knows what’s up.
  6. Your daughter is so embarrassed to be picked up in it she makes you park blocks away from her school. Even passing by without acknowledgment until her friends are long gone.
  7. Forget about going anywhere. Parking what is that?
  8. People honk, point, laugh, give the thumbs up. 👍ay! We are cool (not)!!
  9. The embarrassment when we do find a place we can go and instead of a Homecoming parade of girls trailing from behind the door it is a family of 4.

I think after all this was said, and done and we see it every now again around town making the prom pick up’s. I would rather own sheep. So what is the lesson learned? Be careful what you pray for😂! It is funny, yet depressing my kids do not tell this story. I almost deleted the picture, but where would the fun be in that!!

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/11/30/explain/

Posted in Writings from my heart

From the Boyd’s Happy Thanksgiving!

We woke with so much to be grateful for today, so from our house in Spokane Washington Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you have many laughs, and heartfelt memories!

May your house be filled with love, and tummies filled with yummies. I love being part of WP. Thought I would stop in, and say thank you for the little reprieve I find inside in here daily. I have made some genuine friendships inside here, and I am so blessed.

So be blessed today! I will enter his gates with Thanksgiving in my heart, I will enter His gates with Praise! 🙏🏻🦃🍽🍁

Psalm 9:1. I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; …

Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

Pick it up be on your way, vanished heart!

Here today, gone tomorrow. In the blink of an eye, 18 years were swept under the mat. Not even a proper goodbye.

18 years of my life in one suitcase, no evidence of me ever belonging to my family. Nor them to me. Vanished from my life, no longer a wife or mom. All was gone

Looking back on all the years the waves we rode, I should have seen the corosion setting in. We were past rusty. Denial eases the sting. Send me on my way, and pretend of my non existence. Does this kind of rejection come with a death certificate? On a plane ready to leave what was my life behind. It changed with the flip of a dime 

Word spread fast that you called it abandonment. You played that card well. You were ill. I had to trust that with God in time, He would give me back my rights. All you packed up in a single night. You can’t pack human life. I could feel the dissolution my children were carrying 

Loneliness crept, and crawled through every cavern of my body. Like a spider bite, with deathly consequence. Alone! Self pity ready to sit and share its first dinner. Feed upon my soul. It was an all time low. I could not hear their voices, see their faces, or feel them. The little light left was becoming so dim. Lord allow me to feel them. Keep the bulb lit 

God I need you to make this wrong right. Evil came, and wreaked havoc all in the still of the night. Those evil mongers were stomping all over shattered images of 18 years. Spitting vile, and having a hay day on our grief. Parading on memories left.Vacating our souls. Make them GO! I hate that suitcase it resembles nothing holy

It seems like a nightmare sometimes still. All this damage. Lord take us all four, and renew us as quickly as night turns to morning. Let glory be seen in this tragic blood fest. Breathe new life, and hope. Heal our soldiers wounds. Break open the cacoon of lies, spill it and make it right 

Vanished without a trace, my kids hearts broken for their mom. All in effort for me to seek your face. Grovel to my knees. Jesus I need YOU!! At the cross of Calvary I will stay, sifting/sorting. Tracing all the years lost, in my memory bank I toss about. So much loss, and in it I know I will gain in my pain. It is the Mystery of your will. I will be still

Bring me out of these termoultulous times, and in you I will trace back my heart from the start. Where I said, yes Jesus in you I believe. Pour your grace upon me. Make me whole again. Let the barren fragments, and pools of tears be yours. Fear no more for I know I am not alone, and you are soverign

I get to see one face that makes my heart sing, and you are allowing traces of my life back. The odds were stacked against me, but in you I will always prevail. What was lost in one suitcase, I am gaining in my soul. You can’t pack human life, for in you there are traces of life being reconditioned. I wish this was a figment of my imagination, yet it is as non-fiction as it gets. It is my story, and I will be better one day for every tear shed

2 down 2 to go. You we will all soon behold. Traces…

Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/23/11/figment/

Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

Jesus heals our wounds

Lonely

Weary

Physical pain

Grieving

Addiction

Financially devastated

Hopeless

Shame

Resentments

Broken hearted

These are just some of the burdens we as people carry around with us daily.

In this upside down, backwards World there is healing in the Blood of Jesus. If we ask Him to take these daily burdens we carry away He will. Jesus heals!

I am a living walking miracle, racked with alcoholism. I was full of rage, and resentments. I held the worlds tiniest violin, and was always “woe is me”. I was full of shame, and regret. I have walked a long 46 years in this life. I have suffered loss to suicide, divorce, a child who I haven’t seen in 7 years. She is now a young lady of 24 years old.

Jesus has taken all of that, that I held so tightly to. He loosened my grip, and took off my shackles. He set me free of the bondage of self. I am a loving testament of the unconditional love of Jesus Christ when we surrender our lives to Him. I am redeemed. I am not who I used to be, and that is all God in me! Jesus has given me back ten fold all I threw away in my selfishness. He is so faithful to complete the work he started. He has richly blessed my life, I still have pain. I now know I can get through anything with Jesus by my side. When I surrender my will, it doesn’t hurt so much! God has done for me often what I couldn’t do for myself.

Even if you have never prayed before, Jesus knows your heart. He knows what you are wanting to say before even you say it. Allow what burdens you carry today to be healed at the foot of the cross. Allow the suffrage to be taken by the loving hand of our creator!

God be with you all, I know life can be a lot. You are not alone nor do you have be. Let Jesus set you free to the healing of your heart! Allow a new life in Him to start, there is no time like the present!

Romans 6:23 “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.” Jesus said, “He who believes in Me will never die” (John 11:26)

Jesus has my life! I am his!

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/11/19/healing/

Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

Adrift no more, anchored at the cross she gets life abundant

Adrift she is not, for He touched that one very sweet spot. She grabbed for it as it was her last life. Sweet as a honey bee, and its nectar

He gave her a hand up from under the cloud covered all consuming of “I”. “Woe is me”, no more

Down the river she will never float again in fear of pulsating rapid’s, she does not live like she is immortal. Reckless abandon no more

She is anchored in the cross for there her sobriety wins, “one day at a time” a daily reprieve it must be

Adrift no more He took her very broken wings, and allowed them to soar singing with release fly

She is no longer choking upon her breath, He breathed a new life of breath in her. Death only at His hour, all power to Him

She is no longer in wander with lack of directional purpose, she is in the pursuit of God’s compass 

She has hope for her youth has been restored when He scooped her up from her own drown in her own self pity

Iniquity is not swallowed away with a gulp. An angry middle finger does not exist in protest. In his His throne room she lingers, she sits with hope. At His right hand there she can be found safe and of sound mind, sanity reigns. Insanity tossed at the foot of the cross

Adrift that is no longer a part of her life unless it is for recreational sport, for God took a spear in pierce of her heart

Adrift no more, He has wiped her slate clean of her fixaction. Tied down, anchored, clinging …”Stable” now that is not a word she thought would again be in her vocabulary

For God is her lifeline divine, and stability she found, adrift what is that? …she has been found! Abject to her own misery no more

2 Corinthians 5:17

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/11/18/abject

Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

Delta flight, and the “woe was me” passenger

A little over 7 years ago. July 13, 2013 me a weary traveler, making my way for the airport. Early A.M. Delta airlines flight MCO (Orlando) to GEG (Spokane). I was all out of sorts. Not a single spark of even a flicker remained. Snickering at the fact that I was 40, and having to figure out this thing called life again. My face puffy, and wet from the endless tears that I could not evade

I managed to obtain alcohol somehow, and was very drunk upon boarding. I could barely function, wreaking of my anesthetic. The scent almost unbearable for even me. My body shaky, and feeble. My heart was frozen. I felt as if I was dead inside. I could not see the church steeple the shutters were blocking my vision. Having to leave my family behind

I was a passenger on this Delta flight who felt like I was taken prisoner, and forced to leave at gun point. There was not enough alcohol to even touch this pain. So deep, a dark cloud loomed right over my seat. My joints ached, as my skin absorbed the alcohol to no end. I had to be one of the most unhappy people on the planet. Miserable beyond belief. Grief struck 

It was all I could do to hold it all together. I could have easily seen myself making national headlines. “Drunk woman on Delta Flight, unconsoleable loses all control. Ground control was called by pilots, and they had to land plane. She is now under police custody, with Psychiatrists looking into her mental state”..Marvelous! A bit ostentatious to say the least

Two layovers, so as the alcohol wore off I found myself upon a bar stool getting licked. I was very sick, and needed help. My soul was yelping, but the alcohol muffled my cries. It could only be seen in my eyes. It was my heart that was taken hostage, and I was bent with what I felt justification. Whispers from the dark, “drink, and drink some more steep into your core feel the continual drip inside of you!” “You need this to make it through.” 

Burning with anger. Hating my life, no longer a wife, and no longer mom, mums, or mommy. God was furthest from my mind. Blocked by rage, ready to implode. I had no sense of a spiritual connection. Dejected from life. The further the distance the more bleak it got in that seat, as a passenger on that Delta flight 

3,200 miles away upon landing. Alone! I could barely stand upon departure. I looked as if I had been badly beaten. Drunk, and lost. Walking the corridor of emptiness 

If I remember right my mom was there to greet me. I am not sure her heart could bare what she saw walking towards her. Unrecognizable me her own daughter. Comatose, just a shell. Swallowed by my own hell. No words would come out. Just whimpers. My heart was buried deep in caverness state, saturated with waste. The Lord I could not taste or see, only me, me, me. Woe was me

Psalm 69:3 I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God.

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/11/17/ostentatious

Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

Ours are not paper hearts

Heard you hopped a plane from Florida to Washington, this was it. It hit hard. I actually saw the airport photo of you on Instagram. With a guitar like always as your carry on. What a slam. The papers were served after 3 1/2 years of separation, and 21 years of marriage it would soon ALL be over

No minor children, or assets to split. Just look over the documents, and agree to it, and sign for dissolution of marriage. No happily ever after riding off in horse and carriage

It had been so long since we had seen one another. My heart was ill prepared for this kind of meeting. The encounter of what would finally be our end. My heart was split like a lumber jack standing with an axe in hand right down the middle. A perfect score. Ready to burn, it ached for us and all we had been through

I knew you did not have the means to file. Your papers sat stagnant in the Florida courts for years. The kids even begging for order, and closure. For awhile I was allowing God to still take precedence just for hopes pleasure there was still a chance at salvaging the wreckage. Hope was long gone as was the song played on our wedding day

Pastors teach divorce is worse than death, because there is no finality in it. Your dad was there the pastor himself, and the one who married us. Hearts lay baren, where we once took up rest in one another. What takes a lifetime to build was signed off in that of the matter of minutes with a pen and signature

Here it was the day to appear before the judge. My body was permeated with emotions all over the board. It had been 3 1/2 years since I had even seen you. So little conversation too. Our poor kids my heart could not fake, for God sake this was not how it was supposed to be. Bending to my knees. God prepare me for me this end. Give me poise, don’t allow me to fall apart

So they we were, the same members of our family from the beginning on our wedding day. You walking by a nod of your head, me just in shock. You looked so different. Your mom and dad followed behind. Your dad the only one saying hi. You looked like a rebellious child heeding to your father’s cohearsing. This was a day to mourn a marriage that was born 21 years prior. We were awaiting the death of what God had brought together. We failed our vows, and the cost was great. Sorrow was the hallway we sat in

Our names called the same names still, but soon to be different. As I entered a peace was brought over me. My thoughts so clear, as you were the closest in that chair next to me than we had been in years. I felt so little for you, I did not know you. There was no attachment to you, love for you was not provoked. We had become unequally yoked. How could this be? God was allowing me to let go, set ourselves free

All sworn in and papers looked over, irreconcilable differences. So cut and dry. I proceeded to hand the judge all the documents he needed. Now being signed, date stamped, and completed

The end was in my hand of that of a paper (a paper end). Marriage dissolved, I know longer belonged to him or him to me. We all stood to exit the court room. Never even said goodbye, barely even a glance just went on our way

I was grieved to see celebratory instragam photos that night in that of a wine bottle, and the comments too. This was not a day for celebration. A family torn apart, the Lord cried for our demise that day. Our children’s hearts were broken. Yet you take token 

There was no celebration to be had from me, just closure. Knowing it was now time to move on. With God taking over. This was not what he purposed for our family. All in that of a paper. Yet these were not paper hearts, ours all 4 were blood shed. Wounds not sparred. It started with well meaning hearts, all played out

“The End” she cries many tears for the years lost and memories shared

Dissolved, and over. Time to start over

“I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, my great army, which I sent among you.”
—Joel 2:25 (ESV)

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/11/16/provoke