Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

Recovery, a daily one day at time walk to remain sober is in order

I am a recovering alcoholic, I will always be an alcoholic. I have God, and a recovery program that helps me “one day at time” live life on lives terms.

I could not have imagined even an hour without a drink, let alone a few. 24 hours seemed nearly impossible. Here I sit with 7 years, and 2 plus months of continual sobriety.

I lived to drink, and drank to live. Anything not to feel. My whole life became a lie. I was deceptive, a thief, and my heart was calloused.

I woke up putting alcohol in my coffee (oh the thought how gross), and I thought I had everyone fooled. With breath that reeked, and words slurred. I was so far from the God I once adored. The shame I felt, was killing me. My life was held on by a thread. A thread, that at any moment was about to snap. I was in a place of complete incomprehensible demoralization. I was spiritually sick, and made myself insane. Every drink made me a little further from who I once was. How could I stop?

It came down to a very broken moment, a prayer that God would take this drink problem away from me. I was made very ill, which was not usually the case. I had the shakes uncontrollably, and the years of shame showered over me. I prayed for God to relieve of the bondage of self. I was on the run so very long. I was weary, my heart so tired.

That began what is now 7 plus years of sobriety. I have a daily reprieve with my loving God, and a program that too holds me accountable. It reaches in to the depth, and is the solution. Alcohol is, but a symptom. So I these two go hand in hand.

I can’t have sobriety without God, and without sobriety there is no God. So I have to keep my spiritual house clean. The cobweb is gone, but the spider is still there. There is nothing a drink will not make worse. I attend meetings regularly, and yes it is a program based off of anonymity. I chose to share my story. That is my choice.

All by the grace of God, and one day at time I get to be sober. God has to be my priority. God has to be my number 1, and I feel my program is a gift from God. I can’t ever forget where I came from, and humble is my feat. For there in an instant there goes I…

Step Twelve
“Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs

All by the grace of God
One day at a time
Recovery is possible!

I am a miracle, I get to be part of a world of people of miracles just like me!

Sober is me just for today!

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/18/10/recovery

Posted in Writings from my heart

National Recovery Month: We do recover

September is National Recovery month. This is my daddy William Michael O’Day.

Forever a daddy’s girl

At the age of 9 under the influence of alcohol he called my mom on the phone, and killed himself. He was mentally, and spiritually ill, just as I was 7 years ago. We don’t have to be a William. We do recover! I will forever be a daddy’s girl, and when I reached the point of incomprehensible demoralization it helped me forgive his selfishness for taking his life. For I was just as sick as him. Today I am free, and I know I am powerless over alcohol. It is “one day at time” and solely dependent on my spiritual house. Today it is clean, I have to work to keep it this way! Reach out for help if you are lost, or feeling there is no light in your world. There are so many of us out there that can, and will help! We do recover! In memory of William Michael O’Day 10/13/52-4/11/1983, I will love you forever!

Side note; I am, and will always be an alcoholic. I just know how to not have to drink today. This is “one day at time”. It up to me to stay spiritually well. It is up to me to know what tools I need to be sober in my sobriety. Life happens, and heartache comes. I don’t have to drink if I keep a conscious contact with God. I am powerless over alcohol, but God has all power to keep me from taking that drink. The spider is dead, but the cobweb is still there. I have a daily reprieve to keep the spider from waking. I know today there is nothing a drink will not make worse. If you have reached a point of insanity, which is where I was. I had no peace or serenity in my life, but it is possible. Reach out to someone, pick up your phone. Recovery can happen, and you too can find the serenity in your life. Don’t let something have power over you, and destroy your life. Alcohol is but a symptom, and their is a solution. God could and would if he were sought…seeking daily!

(1). I admitted I was powerless over alcohol (2). Came to believe that a power greater than myself (God) could restore me to sanity (3). Made A Decision To Turn My Will And My Life Over To The Care Of God As I Understood Him.

My daddy on the left. He climbed Mt. Rainier 7 times in his 30 years here on earth. He was an outdoor enthusiast
We do recover
Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

One day at a time

I don’t play the clown gloating with makeup thinking for a second that if my spiritual house is not up to spec that next drink is not just a fingers length from me yet

I don’t play the jokester I know the spider is dead, but the cob web is still there waiting for its black widow, one brush with that venom I will be dead. My spirit must thrive on all that is alive, and serene so my spiritual house stays clean

I don’t play the harlequin it is not a good look on me. My alcoholism is doing push-ups waiting for me to have a hiccup to unbearable for life. I might as well pick up a knife, and slit my own throat. Cunning, baffling, powerful it is that toxic Gin

I don’t play the jester. By the grace of God today I am 7 years sober. There is nothing a drink will not make worse. I don’t need to hide airliners in my purse. For this is a daily “one day at time” reprieve. I need no alcohol in me. I am better off sober

I don’t play the fool, you can’t school me into thinking any different. For I have a solution to keep my alcoholic self at bay. Just for today, I start with God thy will not my will be done. There is where I have the best hope at laying my head once again on my pillow with peace, and serenity. With not an ounce of alcohol in me

I don’t play the zany. Loco is not my plight. Might as well play with death. Hope is my life. The knife drawer is closed, and from my faucet flows living water. My sobriety is based off of my spiritual house, and I have cleaned house. This though is done, “one day at time” there is not a single mouse

God, I offer myself to Thee – To build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life.” 3rd Step Prayer in recovery

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/08/06/Jester/

Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

The first time I…

As a huge milestone is fast approaching, I am eager in anticipation to celebrate this day with my dearest. This Thursday August 6th, I will have 7 years of continual sobriety. No toxin in my skin for 7 whole years. Nothing to numb me, and make me dumb

So with that said I can remember back to getting sober. There were so many firsts. I had been drinking pretty heavy for about ten years total when I came to the realization I was totally insane (loco). I was bruised, battered, and stained. I was asleep, like a Zombie. I could barely talk, and most times my walk was staggered. My heart was as dark as the blood that drained from my own dagger. I was held captive in darkness, shackles tight. I could not run fast enough desperation of a dying woman was seizing me

There was no one let alone me I could please. I was so woe is me, and please pity my life. I did not know how to live sober, and free of my spiritual illness. Hope was gone, that was the song on repeat in my cast iron heart. I was dead inside, my blood had run to freezing

So getting back to the sobriety part. The magic, and the artistry of God’s gracious hand on me. Free! Shackles lifted, and lights blind. I was alive, and awake from my slumber. People could see there was no more alcohol in me

The first time I saw myself in the mirror, OH DEAR! What had become of me

The first time I talked without slurring my words, I actually spoke with poise

The first time I said, “I love you,” and felt its meaning

The first time I looked outside, and saw all the earths majesticness I had been blind to

The first time I cried, raw and organic. It flowed like the storm on the night of the Titanic. Years of tears. I was drenched with sorrow, that I cast far away from me with God’s forgiveness

The first time I hugged, I didn’t want to let go it felt so good to swallowed like a bear. Not a single care

The first time I prayed. I could feel the spirit envelop me whole. For this had been years since I had that kind of know

The first time I was grateful my list was as long a hymnal I sang the chorus over and over. For thee I adore once more

The first time I laughed it was loud, and obnoxious like I had never made that sound before. Yet I felt it deep

The first time I was learning Lisa. There was so much to learn. It is was as if I was in school just for me, the A, B, C, s’

The first time I kissed with much nervousness do I even know how. Like do I practice or something I only knew under drunken uninhibitedness

The first time I made a genuine friend, do we talk over tea over something. It was so exciting you see, especially for a drunk like me

The first holiday, I remembered it all. I was festive, and a bit jolly. Break out the Holly

The first time I grieved, even my dad who had passed in 1983. My grief list was too quite lengthly. I had lost a lot in my toxic trance. Now time to take a glance, and then put it all to rest

The first time I started to find new likes, and loves that were all my own. Wow, to be my very own person. The codependency in that broken bottle gone. My age like that of a child, with much wonder. Pure amazement. Easily amused

My list of firsts could go on, and on because I still have some even seven years later. The one thing I know is these firsts are never to be taken for granted. I live my life “one day at a time,” and can never forget where I came from. I work my life with my spiritual house having to be guarded. These firsts are all dependent on my spiritual house, and where I sit. So today I don’t quite have seven years, no not until Thursday. I have the firsts, and I hold them close

The first time someone found enough worth in me to invite me to a recovery meeting, was the first time I realized I needed to have the tools it offered to learn to live sober, and free. So more firsts I could see

The first time I said The Seventh Step Prayer is as follows: “My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding

The first time I snorkeled was this weekend
What a blast all weekend at the River
This is my smile as genuine as a mile post on a sign, I love my life. I live “one day at a time.” . My husband & I so Devine!

Written for Word-Challenge-of-the-day: first

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/first/

Posted in Photo Challenge

July 28 Photo A Day

Summer is officially here in Spokane Washington. The heat index is prepared to reach 102 degrees this week. Summer is my favorite season, there is something to be said for the good ol’ Vitamin C. I feel better upon rising, and sleep better for how active I am.

I wanted to ride this morning before it got to hot that I became delirious. Not to mention dehydrated which is a real worry in these parts of the country. So I loaded up, and went 10 miles. I pushed myself up some pretty good hills. I stopped to grab a couple photos of what makes our city beautiful. We are known for our parks here. So I did it, and now I am home. I will be all the better for it when I turn out my lights tonight. Thanking God I am healthy, and getting stronger with each passing day. Mastectomy recovering is no walk in the park, but hey I will try, and I will ride.

Riverfront Park home of the 1974 World’s Expo
I love my life today!

This is as written for Citysonnet Photo a Day Challenge: Hot

https://citysonnet.wordpress.com/photo-a-day-challenge/hot/