Mine had no color at all, a tale for all

Okay now again, try it again. I dropped my brush upon the canvas. Waiting with great anticipation, and again nothing. Black and white bled from the brush, and even onto the paper dripping to the floor. There was no color that came from my brush at all. I saw the example of this most colorful illustration, and I clearly understood the instructions. What the heck…where were the colors I see in me. I was beginning to feel I had something truly wrong with me as I looked down, and even my art apron was soaked with the paint that spilled. There was not an ounce of color at all. I wreaked of darknesses call

I was beyond confused, and frustration was now holding tight the paint brush. I will prove to you all I am capable of making something just like that piece that hangs with life’s ambition. I will prove all of you wrong about me. I will scream every color of the rainbow. Didn’t I have favor in anyones eyes that I could indeed make a prize winning art like what was on display. What had become of the color that once resided in me? I was filled to the brim, and it came out of the creases in my smile. I was once so playful, and hope was the fragrance I wore. I must be holding the brush wrong, maybe I was not the artist I was thought to be. Maybe there was no color inside of me was now my reality. Not even a tinge of color at all. What a sad colorless life I was living, was I dead

I put the paints down in search of my color, I wanted back what was once so freely given to me. My canvas was as dark as coal, and I felt death was knocking on my door. As I was rummaging through to find the answer I was throwing empty booze bottles over my right and left shoulders. Bottle after bottle a collection that when I looked slightly over my right shoulder made me shudder. All of that I had consumed. Doomed! It was no wonder I saw no hope, all that hope drowned the day I I wet my soul with the lies of that damn bottle. I nursed it until no end. With each sip…green gone. Drink some more you alcoholic horror. Took the purple too. Who knew?

I now know everyone did except for me, putting down the bottle in complete surrender was the only way I had even a chance of color coming back to me. I had the desperation of a dying woman, and I was ready to take the steps necessary so one day sometimes quickly sometimes slowly I could paint something as spirited with colors vast as the painting my instructor asked me to make so many a year ago

Sometime has passed since I have picked up the brush, and I was working so hard on one day at time letting go and letting God. I was finding this solution to live free of the bottle that once encumbered me. I was now living, and loving this whole new way of life I found with a my God, and simple yet hard 12 step program. I could see this progress of self, and this life that once felt like deadly venom took over was now do I dare say being filled with hope. Yes that is what I will share. That was my story of experience, strength, and hope. The colors I see coming back into me, I don’t look the same. I don’t look like I did the first day I walked in the rooms. Nor do I look like my mug shot. I am coming back around to solid ground, I think I am ready with the strength I find with my God to paint again. I believe from the depths of my soul that my painting now will not lack a single color. It will be a magnificent masterpiece of my father’s hand, and the transformation from death to life. Hope will drip off the table, and all over my art apron. Jesus indeed take my very broken wings, colorless and lifeless. He gave me flight of color that would blind the blind. Look at me now, look at me then. My canvas is still being made, and I think it will never be finished. Just as when I wake His mercies are new every morning. Hope is a huge part of His story! Hope is my new mission, and this story does not have “the end” as long as I keep my spiritual house clean I can continue to glean hope

Black and white horrid with deaths knock 9 plus years ago

Back at the coloring, my grandson and I. These are the gifts I get one day at a time making a conscious decision to turn my will, and my life over to God! I am His! Color me hope, color me free

http://amanpan.blog/2022/08/30/moonwashed-weekly-challenge-vivacious-august-30-2022/

Advertisement

One-Liner Wednesday-God can take your broken wings and give you flight

“Broken wings can regain a strength a beauty unknown before. If you will, you can be released and free.” ~Twenty-Four Hours a Day

https://lindaghill.com/2021/04/21/one-liner-wednesday-random/

Be careful what you pray for…😂🤙

Please let me add a disclaimer; I would like to explain this was my life as an alcoholic, married to an alcoholic. The insanity of the choices that were made, had no logic behind them. I still am able by the grace of God to find some humor in a few of our catastrophes.

My son had prayed for months every single night for a limousine, and sheep (yeah sheep kind of an odd prayer). I kid you not about 3 months after his continual prayer a super stretch limo pulled up in the round about out in front of our apt complex. My phone rang while in my hands, it was my then husband. “Look out window,” he said. What the…it was white with tinted windows, and it was a superstrech at that. He found this amusing as this was now our “family vehicle”. Bullet Hole decals in all its Glory. Lordy, Lordy! I would not have been surprised to have walked down, and find it full with sheep.

I told Eli to stop praying for such things. At first the kids were excited, it had purple velvet with L.E.D lights, a booming sound system, t.v., and could be equipped with any entertainment game system. Did I forget to mention the bar, oh yeah it had a bar. 

This limo screamed tacky. It was the worst purchase he had made yet. I still was in shock that the title read our names. No way I could drive it, the length alone would be a nightmare with my lack depth perception.  

So here are some very legit reasons besides the obvious a family should NEVER own limo..Unless you want to be a rapper. 🎧🎤

1. Your kid gets asked if he is famous as he is dropped of at middle school, embarrassed to tell people that is his family car
2. Your daughter gets hauled inside by the High School security guard. He proceeded to ask her who the man in the Fedora is that drives her to school in a limo. I mean really a Fedora, of course it was her pimp (I mean dad). He thought he was looser drug dealer. Wow! We made quite the impression.
3. Dad leaves on a film shoot to Israel in the middle of winter, mom can’t drive it unless she wants vehicular homicide on her record.
4. When traveling across the United States (which yes we did) it breaks down on a Mountian pass. Triple A comes to our aide claiming they can’t help, it is too long to go behind or on one of their trucks. Oh Crap!!
5. When driving through small towns with a low clearance vehicle, and you cross over a rail rode tie leaving chunks of the car behind. Then having to Jimmy Rig it as no one in town knows what’s up.
6. Your daughter is so embarrassed to be picked up in it she makes you park blocks away from her school. Even passing by without acknowledgment until her friends are long gone.
7. Forget about going anywhere. Parking what is that?
8. People honk, point, laugh, give the thumbs up. 👍ay! We are cool (not)!!
9. The embarrassment when we do find a place we can go and instead of a Homecoming parade of girls trailing from behind the door it is a family of 4.

I think after all this was said, and done and we see it every now again around town making the prom pick up’s. I would rather own sheep. So what is the lesson learned? Be careful what you pray for😂! It is funny, yet depressing my kids do not tell this story. I almost deleted the picture, but where would the fun be in that!!

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/11/30/explain/

Jesus heals our wounds

Lonely

Weary

Physical pain

Grieving

Addiction

Financially devastated

Hopeless

Shame

Resentments

Broken hearted

These are just some of the burdens we as people carry around with us daily.

In this upside down, backwards World there is healing in the Blood of Jesus. If we ask Him to take these daily burdens we carry away He will. Jesus heals!

I am a living walking miracle, racked with alcoholism. I was full of rage, and resentments. I held the worlds tiniest violin, and was always “woe is me”. I was full of shame, and regret. I have walked a long 46 years in this life. I have suffered loss to suicide, divorce, a child who I haven’t seen in 7 years. She is now a young lady of 24 years old.

Jesus has taken all of that, that I held so tightly to. He loosened my grip, and took off my shackles. He set me free of the bondage of self. I am a loving testament of the unconditional love of Jesus Christ when we surrender our lives to Him. I am redeemed. I am not who I used to be, and that is all God in me! Jesus has given me back ten fold all I threw away in my selfishness. He is so faithful to complete the work he started. He has richly blessed my life, I still have pain. I now know I can get through anything with Jesus by my side. When I surrender my will, it doesn’t hurt so much! God has done for me often what I couldn’t do for myself.

Even if you have never prayed before, Jesus knows your heart. He knows what you are wanting to say before even you say it. Allow what burdens you carry today to be healed at the foot of the cross. Allow the suffrage to be taken by the loving hand of our creator!

God be with you all, I know life can be a lot. You are not alone nor do you have be. Let Jesus set you free to the healing of your heart! Allow a new life in Him to start, there is no time like the present!

Romans 6:23 “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.” Jesus said, “He who believes in Me will never die” (John 11:26)

Jesus has my life! I am his!

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/11/19/healing/

“Yes Lord I am here” underneath all this earth

Reaching from under the rubble, my own stinch making me sick

Glazed over eyes, grasping at straws. Dark no light Clausterphopia setting in

Life so raw, I just wanted to be buried in my sleep. Fast asleep in the deep beneathe the earth

Should I have been surprised when He whispered my name echoing through the broken dirt

Dust breaths, “yes Lord I hear you”

His voice so distant, but yes he was there hollow his voice bouncing from the ground that encased my body

My rescuer has sought me, to take my hand to free me from the rubble, alcohol no longer my idol. A faitour it was, but the good Lord has won. Imposter slithered away

The breath I breathe today is clean, crisp, and not lacking any oxygen

In my enibraition He gave me a taste of what it was like to breathe a new breath of life, my taste buds were on fire with desire of Him

He was no longer far, he was right there at my aide. I could see again, I could taste again. It was more than good!! It was His saving grace, His face

Psalm 34:8
Taste and see that the Lord is good;
blessed is the one who takes refuge

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/13/11/faitour

I take stalk in…

I take stalk in that the Lord will bless thee, and keep thee

I take stalk in my morning devotion, and prayer allowing things to go as they should

I take stalk in knowing this life is not all about me, for that alone has set me free

I take stalk in knowing that God’s mercies are new every morning

I take stalk in knowing that I get to give Him all the Praise, and glory

I take stalk in knowing when I let Him run the show, He is the author of my story

He is holding the pen, and I am letting Him. Prayerfully until the very end.

All by itself the soil produces grain–first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head. Mark 4:28

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/26/10/stalk

Setting sail taking flight for in you my Lord I delight

You took my very broken wings, and gave me flight. I soar swiftly, yet gently across the skies. Day and night

You took my broken heart, and were the ultimate surgeon. Purging the old, and replacing it with new. Your hands were that of Uncondtional Love. No greater love known to man

You took my eyes that saw no hope, and gave me a new forecast. Taking off my mask, and giving me perfect vision. Opened my ears so I might hear, and allowed for my life purpose 

You took me when I was lost, and were my compass. Drawing me out my map. Nudging me along the path. Giving ample supplies to me survive, you heard my cries

When I was shipwrecked at sea you Lord came for me, and salvaged the wreckage. Crafted with the best carpeterners hands giving me a new boat. Set me back out to sea declaring victory in your name. I will never be the same

So I have set sail, and have also taken flight. For in you Lord I delight. With your mighty hands you drug me to safety, and I need not fear anymore. You steer me in flight, and at sea. Amazed in awe of the beauty I see in me. Potential to be anything you want me to be

Alas I have set sail for greater things this life has in thee, you are captain of my ship. From my mouth drips words I am eager to share. For your love, grace, and compassion for nothing compares

Isaiah 40:31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/17/10/sail

Plucked from the decomposing garden that was my life

Photo: google images

I was plucked from the decomposing garden that was my life, it was all over grown a wretched perception. It needed pruned, and somehow from ruins and decomposition God heard my cries, banshees moan

The gate was rusty, and the weeds so many they intertwined toppling me with every step. Scathed from the thicket. My body bruised, battered, and scorned. The gate began to screech open. Jesus was my ticket out

I had been prisoner of this unkempt land for years. It was all I knew. I just assumed it was my lot for life. I even chose my burial spot within. I lived within the decay, and rot. My memory forgot of any other way of life

Just upon the gardens gate was life. It was colorful, delightful, and free. I was scared I did not belong there. As my hue was lacking for any color. A corpse walking among the dead. I was unkempt, and a dreadful sight

Yet the garden gate remained open calling me into the light. Wanting me to get out of the tall grasses that held me captive blocking my view. Poison Ivy was taking over, it was now or never. My endeavor was to make it through the gate. Even if I crawled, focusing on the tree of life. It sat just on the other side. It was giving me strength to leave

Scared to death. I wriggled my body through the posiness plants. My flesh wanted badly to stay. I knew no other way to live. The dark was what my eyes had become accustomed too. The light was blinding

There He was taller than the grass surrounding me (Jesus). He came through with wrath, and a gardeners hoe. He illumated the garden. Snakes slithered and hid. Toxic plants began to wither. As I kept inching toward He was clearing my path. It was my Lord and Savior. He came for me

My cries were heard, and understood. He translated every sob. He then picked me up from the dirt filled floor, and carried me the rest of the way through the gate. Sat me in front of the tree, and shut the door tight. He then sealed it for no entry. I was plucked from the decomposing garden that was my life. Sat underneath the tree of life, grace dripped like sap into my lap. Napped there for sleep so needed was real

Upon waking I  looked up, and He gently kneeled wiping the tears from my eyes. My vision was clear. Just then a deer was a passer by panting for the water close. So my soul too, longed for that same water, and I could cup into my hands as much as I wanted to. In an instant I was made clean, I gave all my shame to Him. He cleansed me from within. 

I was filled with color, and was motioned to go drink from the living water until I got my fill. This was my life being created brand new. For He rescued me, heeded my pleas. He had the keys to unlock my imprisonment. Unkempt I did not stay, free to be in Jesus I was plucked from the decomposing garden that was my life

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/10/16/banshee

Bobbing for Apples, splashing in living water

Then I was a walking sinfilled creature. No nurture needed I got this. See right here, as I grip tightly and blanket my beer

Then I was even known for sassy, Crass with each glass

Yes saucy too, when I would get sauced I was shameless in that bottle, no throttle

Then I was vulgar I can only imagine the things that came out of my mouth were nothing to boast about, toasted was not a good look on me

Then I was loud, and sure fire shifting moods with each drink of my freshly yearn, wanted so badly to fill the burn

Then I was immodest as all my inhibition got tossed away, my mirror image nothing of the same. My flesh stared back at me, I was of the world. Swirling in drunken misdemeanor behavior

Then! Take notice of (then past tense). These are all past tense as my heart has been reconstructed upon the cross, all my sin was lost. Taken, and healed when I kneeled for forgiveness

I exchanged sassy for love, joy, and peace which came from God above. These attributes walk with me daily

Saucy was so long. Forbearance, kindness, and goodness set in. From my next of kin to a complete stranger. Rendering a gentle demeanor

Faithfulness, and gentleness left vulgar on the roadside hitching another ride. For my faith is strong, and mouth washed clean

Self controlled the one the Lord said hello if you grab onto this, all the others will line up. Immodest you can not be. For there is beauty in modesty

All these are the 9 fruits of the spirit. The greatest of attributes according to the Apostle Paul. Oh how beauty is adorned with each one. I did not stall in applying them all

Holy Spirit fall fresh on me, make my eyes and heart heed to all of these. For brassy is not something I ever again wish to take title to. I bid you adieu with His grace and mercy. A sure fire way to stay one with him

If need be I will take compartment in the Produce Department. Taking up pleasure in all the delectable fruits. Each one bursting in flavor, until I too can mimic all 9 fruits of the spirit. Bursting from within…

Brassy is not classy in the eyes of the Lord!

Galations 5:22:23-22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

October 8 Photo A Day: Madly, deeply, faithfully in love

He has walked by my side through thick & thin. We have been through loss, suffering, and sickness. Throughout it all God has been our bind. I fall in love with him more everyday! My human! One day at time!

Matthew 19:6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what …Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate

Written for Citysonnet Photo A Day: October 8: fall

Fools Gold in that bottle I held…personified alibis

Just a shell walking in a lifeless form, a mannequin with barely a beating heart. Flat line waiting for the paddles, nothing could rattle my covetness for my numbness slathered

Dormant my personality lied, the zeal suppressed with alcoholics hallucinate hands. Reside in my own cell, an alcoholic hell. Sit in my own sin, wallow in my trademark venom

Never could pass the test, and any zest I may have had was laid to rest. Idolized the moisture of my enbrieated state. Filled with hate 

Fools gold in that bottle I held, meld into my skin. Personfied allibi, fake beyond each disguise. Lost with each sip, lucid goes as I got hosed

Swam with the sharks. Ravenous, blood thirsty. Needed that alcohol to occupy my soul. No holes, just bury all my secrets in my skin. Soak it up, let it be my end

It was my first thought upon waking the craving pulsating, and trampling my brain. It was the last thought upon laying my drunk head into a blackout state, death hovered 

This was the alcolohic me, numb me. Take away the pain for just one more moment. I hurt so bad inside. No where for God to reside. Hibernated, and bathed myself with my poison. My soul took cover, and demons hovered. Lurking in the night, I became as dark as the tonic I drank. Rank with stank

Crippled by my own hands, hardened heart. Selfish, drowning in my own spite

Feeding off the juicy lies that came as day turned into night, and night turned into day. Spiced it up, made stuff up, my life was but a lie. Hiding in my bottle, this was the alcolohic me

No more hiding, no more numbing, no more running. For Jesus salvaged the wreckage I made of my life. Gave me hope, and took away my craving. He took my heart, and transplanted it at the cross. Carved my name, where His body hang in death for me on Calvary. Loving like no love I had ever felt

Layed the bottle down, and now I am unmasked and even somewhat vulnerable. For the love, laughter, and life I have now I would never trade it for a day of desperation lost. For I was off the grid, but now am found. In Him I abound. My masks are no more, my smile is real. In Jesus was my appeal….

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/09/17/loving