Firmly rooted, soil dampened daily need

My feet sink deep into your earth, firmly taking root. Soil bed I lay, nurtured there

The ground kept watered generously, waiting to unveil life blossoms within me

From a shoot to a flower in full bloom. Vibrant in color, a kindergarteners best kept crayon

Fertilized, and nursed to keep disease at bay. New growth daily

Fervent I grow, and fervent He keeps me. The soil that swaddles my new growth keeps my leaves from withering 

Storms pass, and winds blow. Wanting to steal my beauty, make my leaves cower

Soiled in the the seed it is now permiated into my roots, giving me the boost to keep growing

I will not wither, fade, or ebb. I shall stand tall within my root bed allowing to be fed, and fostered

For I am firmly rooted, soils bed has fertilized my core. Beyond any compare

Peace in the watered bed of soil I lay today, and everyday. May the storm pass fast, leaves not dwindle

Flourish not flounder in my pot of life, where I have taken on life. Vibrant no matter the weather’s climate, ravens quake at the sight of the soil they coil away in fear

Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness. Colossians 2:7


Porcelain Doll

Porcelain doll, so dainty and fair. How long have you been sitting in there?

High upon the top shelf of the lit curio cabinet, I see you are scatched and dirty

You are definitely a sight Amoungst the reburished dolls, they are so pretty. Gleaning white. I bet you were just as them at one time, a doll makers delight

Your eye sits out of socket, you’re a little twisted in your posture. Not beyond repair, I see you sitting you are not beyond my stare

Porcelain doll, so dainty and fair. How long have you been in sitting there?

I imagine with all the dust fallen in your hair, it has been awhile. You’re not groomed or styled like the rest

I bet you are one that holds much value, and history too. I can see my hands taking great pride in you. A new stiched outfit, your hair with a soft curl around your little face

I will buff you, and shine you back to your prime, and put you back in place. Antique, you are. Priceless, I as a doll collector I see your value. I look pass the grease smudges on your face. I see you white as snow in its place

When my hands are finished with the making of you new I will place you back upon the top shelf. You will no longer lean on the one sitting next to you. You will stand with elegance. Every eye transfixed to the top shelf, where you are no longer tarnished

Porcelain doll so dainty and fair, look at her skin glowing white, almost translucent. She is near perfect. Her cheeks soft pink with matching lips too. I wonder who takes claim, who’s hands does this doll belong too? Famous hands I trust with the look of that of a near perfect touch

White as snow, white as snow, thought my sins were as scarlet,
Lord I know, Lord I know, that I’m clean and forgiven.
Through the power of Your blood, through the wonder of Your love,
through faith in you I know that I can be
white as snow. Maranatha Music

Phillipians 1:6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion

This is me, I am the Porcelain Doll I write of

How great my Father’s love for me

I have this picture of what it was like then, and what it is like now. It is a mental note of how great my Father’s love for me is, how sweet His gracious hand extends to the weary. How he reached beyond the rubble, the edged shards of glass, and the pool of blood I lie in. Drenched with self pity, and cold. Malice had run deep with each drink I took. Locked in the tiniest nook inside my head. I was dead, I felt nothing

I was a crazed maniac in an alcoholic induced state of incomprehensible demoralization. I had become unrecognizable to the people who knew me best. My own mother who gave birth to me, would have passed me by as just another person she did not have any know of. My kids they did not wish to claim me as their mother, and I don’t blame them. I was an embarrassment to their own identity that they themselves were still trying hard to find at their vulnerable ages. I was a bottom feeder drunk, and had run out of luck

I have this picture of what it was like then, and what it is like now. I had all my body parts in tact, no cancers inside me. Then the day came that all changed. I was a bit in shock, even though at 46 years of age I had been dealing with my breast health since my early 20’s. My husband, and I sat hand in hand trying to understand what was coming our way. There just was no way to prepare for such a thing this as this. I had to have a double mastectomy during Covid-19. I had 8 drain tubes upon waking from this tragic event. I knew God had spared my life, and gave me life once again free from my alcoholic burial. I had 6 plus years of spiritual health, and so much hope. I was a fighter. I had God as my ultimate surgeon in both of these drastic stages in my life. One time doing open heart surgery on me, and cleansing the inside of my heart. The second doing a phenomenal healing on my physical being after my breasts were removed, and the beginning of a partial reconstruction was is place. The cancer had not spread, my lymph node surgery came back clear. How near God was, and I am prodded in these times in my journey of life how great my Father’s love for me is, how sweet His gracious hand extends to the weary. I just have to keep on keeping on. There have been highs, and lows in this time after surgery. God has been so faithful to meet me. I can remember trying to hang curtains, something that came so easy for me before my surgery. I just couldn’t do it, I sat on my living room floor sobbing. Really blubbering. My emotions were so out of whack. I was a crack

How great my Father’s love for me is, how sweet His gracious hand extends to the weary. I have had so many people come along side me in both stages of my life, as my biggest cheerleaders. I have a huge list of prayer warriors who pray for me daily. I can call upon them when I feel a little under the weather. It is God’s umbrella of protection, when I surrender daily He will do for me what I can’t do for myself. He will help me see the superwoman strength I did not even know I had, to over come anything that comes my way. Their is nothing a drink will not make worse. I am a fighter, and the hope I have today is as indescribable as His love for me is. I have so much to live for even on my worst day. My worst day now is better than best day drunk. I truly stunk, and now the fragrance that comes from me arouses the senses of the finest

I am reminded daily I can never forget where I came from, and how very far God has brought me. How great my Father’s love for me is, how sweet His gracious hand extends to the weary. No I am not getting all teary as I write, okay yes maybe a little. I have never had a love such as His! He died for me, that I may have life if I believe. I can’t imagine a day without Him to go to with my EVERYTHING!

Not all can do this post double mastectomy this soon, I am healing phenomenally! Praise God!

Surely our griefs He Himself bore, And our sorrows He carried; Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken, Smitten of God, and afflicted. But He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities;
The chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, And by His scourging we are healed. Isaiah 53:4-5

Oh it chases me down fights till’ I am found, leaves the 99

As the bible verse goes, “taste and see that the Lord is good.” Well I am here to tell you with all confidence this is so true in my life today. He moves mountains. From my vantage point I can see miracles being worked in circles around my life. I don’t have to live in chaos or strife

My hope keeps me alive, and faith drives me to strive. For my God His mercies are new every morning. He helps keep my feet firmly planted in the best top soil. I would not ever wish to spoil this light of the spirit that swells in me, and through me today. For I sing praise of His name, all the days of my life

I have no expectation of man for we are all the same, and man will fail. My faith has been restored for my Lord his love never fails. It endures forever. The proof is the sacrifice of His own son. Hung on a cross, crown of thorns. Nails driven through His hands, and His feet. Beaten until his last breath. He died so that I might if I have enough belief can too, have life eternal

How great my Father’s love for me. He loves me unconditionally, and I in turn say “thy will, not mine be done”. As the sun rises, and sets, so is the beauty of God’s grace for thee. Little ol’ me, I was once was so lost. Oh it chases me down fights till’ I am found, leaves the 99. From ashes to beauty how could I not trust, as God saved a wretch like me

Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights ’til I’m found, leaves the 99
I couldn’t earn it
I don’t deserve it
Still you give yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God

This was written for Word of the Day Challenge: Trust

One day at a time

I don’t play the clown gloating with makeup thinking for a second that if my spiritual house is not up to spec that next drink is not just a fingers length from me yet

I don’t play the jokester I know the spider is dead, but the cob web is still there waiting for its black widow, one brush with that venom I will be dead. My spirit must thrive on all that is alive, and serene so my spiritual house stays clean

I don’t play the harlequin it is not a good look on me. My alcoholism is doing push-ups waiting for me to have a hiccup to unbearable for life. I might as well pick up a knife, and slit my own throat. Cunning, baffling, powerful it is that toxic Gin

I don’t play the jester. By the grace of God today I am 7 years sober. There is nothing a drink will not make worse. I don’t need to hide airliners in my purse. For this is a daily “one day at time” reprieve. I need no alcohol in me. I am better off sober

I don’t play the fool, you can’t school me into thinking any different. For I have a solution to keep my alcoholic self at bay. Just for today, I start with God thy will not my will be done. There is where I have the best hope at laying my head once again on my pillow with peace, and serenity. With not an ounce of alcohol in me

I don’t play the zany. Loco is not my plight. Might as well play with death. Hope is my life. The knife drawer is closed, and from my faucet flows living water. My sobriety is based off of my spiritual house, and I have cleaned house. This though is done, “one day at time” there is not a single mouse

God, I offer myself to Thee – To build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life.” 3rd Step Prayer in recovery

When I wake…

I am not hallucinating

I am not fantasizing

I am not delusional

I am not living in an imaginary world

I am not reading you a fairy tale nor making up tall tales or old wives tales

What am I then? Tomorrow when I wake I will have 7 years of continuous sobriety. It is a hearts dream come true

I am not able to keep this without my God, and my daily reprieve on bended knee. He has given me the tools today to not have to pick up the bottle. I know how to today live life on life’s terms. I work a program of recovery. One I don’t take for granted, because not one us is exempt from ever going back out. It is all based on my willingness, and surrender daily

I am still one day shy of this great accomplishment. So when I wake that is when my not in my wildest dreams could I have ever imagined 7 years without the numbing of that bottle will come true. My cup runneth over, I have become a woman in this program

I am grateful beyond all measure, my sobriety I protect as if it is the most magnificent treasure. It is truly a gift from God, “one day at time”

Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” Matthew 26:39

The first time I…

As a huge milestone is fast approaching, I am eager in anticipation to celebrate this day with my dearest. This Thursday August 6th, I will have 7 years of continual sobriety. No toxin in my skin for 7 whole years. Nothing to numb me, and make me dumb

So with that said I can remember back to getting sober. There were so many firsts. I had been drinking pretty heavy for about ten years total when I came to the realization I was totally insane (loco). I was bruised, battered, and stained. I was asleep, like a Zombie. I could barely talk, and most times my walk was staggered. My heart was as dark as the blood that drained from my own dagger. I was held captive in darkness, shackles tight. I could not run fast enough desperation of a dying woman was seizing me

There was no one let alone me I could please. I was so woe is me, and please pity my life. I did not know how to live sober, and free of my spiritual illness. Hope was gone, that was the song on repeat in my cast iron heart. I was dead inside, my blood had run to freezing

So getting back to the sobriety part. The magic, and the artistry of God’s gracious hand on me. Free! Shackles lifted, and lights blind. I was alive, and awake from my slumber. People could see there was no more alcohol in me

The first time I saw myself in the mirror, OH DEAR! What had become of me

The first time I talked without slurring my words, I actually spoke with poise

The first time I said, “I love you,” and felt its meaning

The first time I looked outside, and saw all the earths majesticness I had been blind to

The first time I cried, raw and organic. It flowed like the storm on the night of the Titanic. Years of tears. I was drenched with sorrow, that I cast far away from me with God’s forgiveness

The first time I hugged, I didn’t want to let go it felt so good to swallowed like a bear. Not a single care

The first time I prayed. I could feel the spirit envelop me whole. For this had been years since I had that kind of know

The first time I was grateful my list was as long a hymnal I sang the chorus over and over. For thee I adore once more

The first time I laughed it was loud, and obnoxious like I had never made that sound before. Yet I felt it deep

The first time I was learning Lisa. There was so much to learn. It is was as if I was in school just for me, the A, B, C, s’

The first time I kissed with much nervousness do I even know how. Like do I practice or something I only knew under drunken uninhibitedness

The first time I made a genuine friend, do we talk over tea over something. It was so exciting you see, especially for a drunk like me

The first holiday, I remembered it all. I was festive, and a bit jolly. Break out the Holly

The first time I grieved, even my dad who had passed in 1983. My grief list was too quite lengthly. I had lost a lot in my toxic trance. Now time to take a glance, and then put it all to rest

The first time I started to find new likes, and loves that were all my own. Wow, to be my very own person. The codependency in that broken bottle gone. My age like that of a child, with much wonder. Pure amazement. Easily amused

My list of firsts could go on, and on because I still have some even seven years later. The one thing I know is these firsts are never to be taken for granted. I live my life “one day at a time,” and can never forget where I came from. I work my life with my spiritual house having to be guarded. These firsts are all dependent on my spiritual house, and where I sit. So today I don’t quite have seven years, no not until Thursday. I have the firsts, and I hold them close

The first time someone found enough worth in me to invite me to a recovery meeting, was the first time I realized I needed to have the tools it offered to learn to live sober, and free. So more firsts I could see

The first time I said The Seventh Step Prayer is as follows: “My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding

The first time I snorkeled was this weekend
What a blast all weekend at the River
This is my smile as genuine as a mile post on a sign, I love my life. I live “one day at a time.” . My husband & I so Devine!

Written for Word-Challenge-of-the-day: first

Keeping Him in my…

Keeping Him in my vision I know I can complete my mission

Keeping Him in my view I know I know there is nothing I can not set out to do

Keeping Him in my visibility lies so much more tranquility

Keeping Him in my field allows me to yield, and take heed His instructions

Keeping Him in my eyeshot makes me be able to connect all the dots

Keeping Him in my sight allows me to stay in the light of His spirit, I am far from perfect, yet I am striving with all of my might

As we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18

Written for the Word of the Day Challenge: sight

It was as if…

It was as if I was an infant once again. My understanding of my life seemed so elementary. Ascribe to the Lord, oh my soul. Simply seek him all day through. For I was brand new

It was as if it was my inaugural, and all were waiting to see my next response. I was adorned with garments that glistened, and my spirit listened to that still small voice nudging me into Him. For I was brand new

It was as if I was at the premier of my own life, and all the strife was laid to rest. I had passed the test. Tried, proofed, and scrutinized. It did not matter, because Jesus went out before me. Open the curtain for all too see, let them all approve of God’s craftsmanship. My smile will beam, and it will be enough for my own spot light. My spirit will be blinding to the spectators in the auditorium. For I was brand new

It was as if I was finally adopted into loving Father’s family, and His initial was engraved in my heart. I was His masterpiece. I was His work of Art. Molded, by my potters hands, and autographed so His inscription was burned into me while in the kiln. For I was brand new

For I was brand new, and I now I wore the proof inside me. It poured out of lips when I spoke. I was soft, and supple. Like a leaky faucet, and no one was going to turn me off. The harsh abrasive me was dead. I was spirit lead. For I was brand new

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17

Written for The Word of the Day Challenge: initial

My savior walks on water

The wall fell down, and I allowed myself to tip toe into the water, as the sand melded into my toes. I could taste the salt water as it brushed my nose

I knew I was safe because my savior walks on water. The ocean was vast, and the tide was rising. I felt so clean my spirt inside me gleaned, I was competing with the lighthouse lights. My senses were set on fire

Longing for the sun to set, I was setting out to skim the water. Just to have it flush with my skin, this was no mysterious being. It had all been a part of God’s creation. Which was now my new spirit filled destination. All of what was me drifted way out to sea as fast as the fish schooled by

For the wall fell down, and I allowed myself to tip toe into the water, the sea was vast the currents tide fast. I knew I was safe because my savior walks on water

Three Things Challenge #303 by Pensitivity101 Been, Clean, Wall