Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

Airliners, Insanity, an alcoholics travesty, no more!

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No not in your pockets that will not do, words from the old. Flabbergassted this was me…A glimpse into my insanity

Airliner size bottles are easier to hide, they aide in clever. If you consider misdemeanors clever. I hid all sorts of alcohol just about everywhere I could think of, beer too

Airliners slip neatly into the bottom of a shoe, if you have a slew of them no one will be onto you. Boots are even better

They also go quite nicely between the the mattress and box spring, great for the picking once everyone has kicked it for the night

I had managed with certian outfits to conceal them on my person, like anyone is willing to do any lurking

I had a slit in my purse lining barely big enough for these tiny sized swigs to slip right downside of. They lay neatly concealed under my wallet, and the other have to’s. Not a single person ever knew

I hid them in the bathroom among my makeup mess, I must confess I spent a lot of time in the bathroom

Beer cans float well at the top of a toilet bowl, and who ever looks in there unless the flapper becomes an issue, Phew

Poolside was a place I liked to get licked. I hid them in one the community bathrooms under the sink. Way back in a corner, no one ever knew. Use the bathroom, pound one down. 5 left to go. Then blitzed

This was just the normal for me, I thought nothing of it. No big deal. Everything was secret, and hidden. I was a very driven alcoholic, it was always there. I was never without it

I can only imagine my poor liver soaking this in day in and day out. At 5’2″ 108 pounds then. I was drinking myself to death, and darn good at it too

As I write this it makes me sad that I was this deceiving, I believe I had really nobody fooled. I just sat and wallowed in petty resentments. In realtity I was fooling only myself, I was a creep. I was in deep

I filled up a plastic water bottle with a wine of choice thinking everybody would think it was some sort flavored fruit drink, I carried it with me as I shopped. It was always fully loaded and in tow. With me everywhere I would go

I took alcohol to work in a traveler mug, smuggling in booze is a great way to get you fired, it happened a couple times. Oh yes the day I got my D.U.I. Make it worse get fired, sob and despair. Sit in your car with drink after drink, then see how you drive. Right into a buff Increbile Hulk size police officers cuffs, and off to the county jail. $1,000 bail

I still for sometime never looked the part. Looks can be deceiving. That I was. Always dressed to impress, and well schooled. For a moment I could pass myself off as able. Then I would start the job get “my desk” and my booze would dribble from the table 

I was not able. Why do they call it a functioning alcoholic? Usually every one knows. What just because I could drink everybody under the table taking in copias amounts of alcohol without an ounce of sickness or headache  

I was not able. Just because I got up, and drove myself to work? Usually with a drink in the middle console easing my anxieties the whole route there. I just did not care, or did I? I was loosing myself 

I was lost in an alcoholic insanity. Using alcohol as a bandage for my conflicted heart. Albert Einstein said it best; “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”  

So I became a professional at something yet, how proud where was my reward? Blue ribbon hangining or a trophy please, “Insanity Professor”. In less time then it takes to get an AA degree

It has been 7 years and 2 months of sober! Wow!! 7 years since I realized I was powerless over alcohol. Gave up alcohol in exchange for my life eternal. My life in Jesus!! I carry Him around everywhere I go. He is with me to guard my heart, he takes up permanent residence. I am fully armored against the evil of this world. I know all to well what it is to be of world. Now I am just in it. As it is written to be. God is my keeper, and has reigns on me. I was convicted greatly by my lack of self control. No more for that is a life that has been said good ridden to, and forgiven.

Can you believe the madness I endured! How absurd! It almost seems harder to be alcoholic, with its trickery and hiding. Thank you Lord for now my abiding is in you!! 

Airliners are for travel to and from a city or county, travel mugs hold my morning coffee, and plastic water bottles are my most prized possesion as I drink a ton of water. I don’t touch a toilet bowl unless it is a must to be attended too. My purse is in tact. I keep my Eli-Pen in there, and most know it can be gone through. I show for work free without slurring my speech, and with that get to keep my job. 

Now here, for all this we can celebrate. Blue ribbon no need, eternal life is my now fated prize!! 

I exchanged insanity for sanity for a life eternal with Jesus!

27 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.28 I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. John 10:27-28

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/23/10/creep

Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

I admit I have been afraid

I admit yesterday I was bit testy after my pre-op surgery appointment.

I admit it seemed like I had a million papers to sign on Covid alone (so exaggeratory) but hey this is my story.

I admit I was saddened when my doctor said my mom can’t care for me after surgery since she works at the biggest hospital in our town. She would have had to self quarantine for 2 weeks prior. So whatever.

I admit I don’t really have a so whatever attitude I am just overwhelmed by all that was said. Covid has changed everything about this surgery.

I admit I need to get on my knees, and pray for God to take the anxiety as well agitation I am feeling at this moment. I need to give it all to Him.

I admit I am so far from perfect, and my attitude has been far from desirable.

I admit I need to pray for God to give me unshakeable faith. One that does not even flinch at the slightest discomfort. He will furnish the quiet place for my soul with all the furniture of faith. I need all the help I can get I admit.

I elect right now to be removed from the unrest of my soul. Beholding God’s calmness in my impatience, God’s patience in my limitations, God’s perfection. This is my election to be free of self, and allow the spirt to work within.

I admit I am of a human, with a spirit that needs attuned to my Heavenly Father today! I admit I have been afraid. I am ready for this breast cancer journey to be over. When really it is not up to me, so my plea get myself out of the way of His will for all of this today!

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. Romans 15:13

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/21/10/elect

Posted in Writings from my heart

Away today!

My day will be spent away from WP today. I have my pre-surgery appointment today, for what prayerfully should be my last breast cancer surgery.

I will have a mandatory Covid test, and some other blood work too. As much as I would rather stay home, and stay warm this is necessary. So Lord willing everything will go as expected.

As well the day of our move the temperature is dropping drastically to a whopping 33 degrees, with the possibility of snow Friday. So crazy I grew up here, and this will be the first in many years to get snow before Halloween.

So lots to turn over in prayer today. God has us, and always has our best at heart. I am trusting on November 9th, my surgery will go without any complications. For God is the ultimate surgeon. We have been on a very long breast cancer road, and I am ready for this to be the end! 🙏🏻

God bless! Prayers would be greatly appreciated and coveted!

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lordyour God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

My best friend/hubby and I
This weekend was great!
Posted in writing prompt

What do you see- 52 – 19 October’20: I would have it look no other way

Image credit; Pisauikan@ Pixabay

Every crease on my face has a story the furrows of an old lady that has worked since the age of 9

The wrinkles are that of a once youthful young woman that gave birth to 10 beautiful babies

Every line signifies wisdom, and perseverance through the storms of life. I am a wife, and mother first

The pucker around my lips reveal a smile, I am blessed with the gift of health. Wealth is not measured by the amount of money in your pockets. It is all about family

Every fold in my face is the memories I hold more precious than gold, priceless love

The layers around my eyes have seen joy, heartache, grief, and loss. The seams have held tears, but I try not to let anyone see. They don’t need to bare my years of crinkles, no one needs spy

Every wrinkle makes me the old woman I am today. I am better for every connecting line. For my life was created for them not me. Even the deep rooted crow’s feet are years of me taking the back seat

This is my face, and I would have it look no other way

https://ladyleemanilablog.wordpress.com/2020/10/19/what-do-you-see-52-19-october20/

Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

Recovery, a daily one day at time walk to remain sober is in order

I am a recovering alcoholic, I will always be an alcoholic. I have God, and a recovery program that helps me “one day at time” live life on lives terms.

I could not have imagined even an hour without a drink, let alone a few. 24 hours seemed nearly impossible. Here I sit with 7 years, and 2 plus months of continual sobriety.

I lived to drink, and drank to live. Anything not to feel. My whole life became a lie. I was deceptive, a thief, and my heart was calloused.

I woke up putting alcohol in my coffee (oh the thought how gross), and I thought I had everyone fooled. With breath that reeked, and words slurred. I was so far from the God I once adored. The shame I felt, was killing me. My life was held on by a thread. A thread, that at any moment was about to snap. I was in a place of complete incomprehensible demoralization. I was spiritually sick, and made myself insane. Every drink made me a little further from who I once was. How could I stop?

It came down to a very broken moment, a prayer that God would take this drink problem away from me. I was made very ill, which was not usually the case. I had the shakes uncontrollably, and the years of shame showered over me. I prayed for God to relieve of the bondage of self. I was on the run so very long. I was weary, my heart so tired.

That began what is now 7 plus years of sobriety. I have a daily reprieve with my loving God, and a program that too holds me accountable. It reaches in to the depth, and is the solution. Alcohol is, but a symptom. So I these two go hand in hand.

I can’t have sobriety without God, and without sobriety there is no God. So I have to keep my spiritual house clean. The cobweb is gone, but the spider is still there. There is nothing a drink will not make worse. I attend meetings regularly, and yes it is a program based off of anonymity. I chose to share my story. That is my choice.

All by the grace of God, and one day at time I get to be sober. God has to be my priority. God has to be my number 1, and I feel my program is a gift from God. I can’t ever forget where I came from, and humble is my feat. For there in an instant there goes I…

Step Twelve
“Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs

All by the grace of God
One day at a time
Recovery is possible!

I am a miracle, I get to be part of a world of people of miracles just like me!

Sober is me just for today!

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/18/10/recovery

Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

Setting sail taking flight for in you my Lord I delight

You took my very broken wings, and gave me flight. I soar swiftly, yet gently across the skies. Day and night

You took my broken heart, and were the ultimate surgeon. Purging the old, and replacing it with new. Your hands were that of Uncondtional Love. No greater love known to man

You took my eyes that saw no hope, and gave me a new forecast. Taking off my mask, and giving me perfect vision. Opened my ears so I might hear, and allowed for my life purpose 

You took me when I was lost, and were my compass. Drawing me out my map. Nudging me along the path. Giving ample supplies to me survive, you heard my cries

When I was shipwrecked at sea you Lord came for me, and salvaged the wreckage. Crafted with the best carpeterners hands giving me a new boat. Set me back out to sea declaring victory in your name. I will never be the same

So I have set sail, and have also taken flight. For in you Lord I delight. With your mighty hands you drug me to safety, and I need not fear anymore. You steer me in flight, and at sea. Amazed in awe of the beauty I see in me. Potential to be anything you want me to be

Alas I have set sail for greater things this life has in thee, you are captain of my ship. From my mouth drips words I am eager to share. For your love, grace, and compassion for nothing compares

Isaiah 40:31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/17/10/sail

Posted in Writings from my heart

All of me…

ALL of you Lord wants ALL of me

You are not in want of me only in my lost dreams

You are not in want of me only when my heart is riddled with confliction

You are not in want of me only with the countless times my soul is not at peace, and I find no rest

You are in want of me for songs of praise from the most trivial of a moment to the most agonizing of breaths, you want ALL of me

You are in want of ALL of me lifting my hands in awe, and thanksgiving for even if when my lot is not what I thought or had hoped it to be, sing

You are in want of ALL of me, death to my own self that I can be filled with you, and then you can pour yourself in me

You are in want of ALL of me being child like in my prayer, bringing forth things I would not think you care of

You are in want of ALL of me understanding that I am not of my own, you are my dwelling place. Seeking your face

You are not in want of just a partial cup of me, you want my cup to overflow with YOU…filled to the brim. Seeping from its essence YOU! 

I am reminded of this today, as I step out in faith praying for a family member with mental illness (with no hope for life), friends with Covid, mine and my husband’s soon move, my surgery fast approaching, and the weather so cold I kind of loathe. I get to bring it all to you, lay it down at your feet. Find rest at the cross, get lost in your presence! Prayer, it takes me to the throne room with you

Lord take ALL of me!!

Psalm 73:6 My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever

Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

Plucked from the decomposing garden that was my life

Photo: google images

I was plucked from the decomposing garden that was my life, it was all over grown a wretched perception. It needed pruned, and somehow from ruins and decomposition God heard my cries, banshees moan

The gate was rusty, and the weeds so many they intertwined toppling me with every step. Scathed from the thicket. My body bruised, battered, and scorned. The gate began to screech open. Jesus was my ticket out

I had been prisoner of this unkempt land for years. It was all I knew. I just assumed it was my lot for life. I even chose my burial spot within. I lived within the decay, and rot. My memory forgot of any other way of life

Just upon the gardens gate was life. It was colorful, delightful, and free. I was scared I did not belong there. As my hue was lacking for any color. A corpse walking among the dead. I was unkempt, and a dreadful sight

Yet the garden gate remained open calling me into the light. Wanting me to get out of the tall grasses that held me captive blocking my view. Poison Ivy was taking over, it was now or never. My endeavor was to make it through the gate. Even if I crawled, focusing on the tree of life. It sat just on the other side. It was giving me strength to leave

Scared to death. I wriggled my body through the posiness plants. My flesh wanted badly to stay. I knew no other way to live. The dark was what my eyes had become accustomed too. The light was blinding

There He was taller than the grass surrounding me (Jesus). He came through with wrath, and a gardeners hoe. He illumated the garden. Snakes slithered and hid. Toxic plants began to wither. As I kept inching toward He was clearing my path. It was my Lord and Savior. He came for me

My cries were heard, and understood. He translated every sob. He then picked me up from the dirt filled floor, and carried me the rest of the way through the gate. Sat me in front of the tree, and shut the door tight. He then sealed it for no entry. I was plucked from the decomposing garden that was my life. Sat underneath the tree of life, grace dripped like sap into my lap. Napped there for sleep so needed was real

Upon waking I  looked up, and He gently kneeled wiping the tears from my eyes. My vision was clear. Just then a deer was a passer by panting for the water close. So my soul too, longed for that same water, and I could cup into my hands as much as I wanted to. In an instant I was made clean, I gave all my shame to Him. He cleansed me from within. 

I was filled with color, and was motioned to go drink from the living water until I got my fill. This was my life being created brand new. For He rescued me, heeded my pleas. He had the keys to unlock my imprisonment. Unkempt I did not stay, free to be in Jesus I was plucked from the decomposing garden that was my life

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/10/16/banshee

Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

There was no rhyme or reason with alcohol and I, death was my play day after day

There was no rhyme or reason to anything I did in a day nor what I would say. I was captivated by the pull of the bottle as it helped my feelings not to be at play

With each drink making all of what was MY life go away. The pull so great. Enebriate allow me to dance with the bottle day after day, adversity chants

I could never get my fill, I was seeking my own kill. The thrill of all the chaotic madness to sit at bay. Leave for a whole day. Play with me, drink me to sleep. Sing me a lullaby. All in my head. Drink me deaf, and dumb

Wake again to bathe it into my pores. An alcolohic insanity. Travesty awaits. Pick the bottle back up again, Lisa was ready for her game

There was no rhyme or reason I just wanted it to all go away. Who cares how you feel, I don’t feel so just leave me alone to wallow in my pity. Oh you hurt, whatever. You don’t even know my pain

Can you imagine trying to reason with a person such as who I was? Lost in the fuzz. Just let me get buzzed, and sit in my selfiness. Drunkin stupor. This was my 24/7. My mind so crazed it was my heaven

God could not touch my callsoused heart. It was an art. Wearing my mask, and hiding alcohol in my skin

Thank God for His grace and He shook me from this place. Turned my life upside down. Saved me from my drown. I was a bottom feeder before, but man did I ever hit bottom. There was nothing more to do

I desperately needed the ryhme and the reason. Tis the season for change. No more deranged. I wanted a rhythm in my heart, and needed to feel my pain. Stained as I was it was time to trade my bottle for the cross

Put it down drank the grace God poured out. Drink it daily. One day at a time. My life has been given back to me. No more trying to slit my wrists with alcoholic bent

I sit here in awe at all my Lord has done. I see the sun/son! My days are not dark, I walk in the light. Alcohols just an excuse I do not adore. Just a horror 

My hands raise up in thanks for He saved my life from my own self. All I want is His will. Praising God his mercies are new every morning. For this story God gets all the glory!

Romans 3:24 But by the free gift of God’s grace all are put right with him through Christ Jesus, who sets them free

I am today in a recovery program that gives me the tools to live life on life’s term without having to pick up a bottle, this is contingent on my spiritual house!

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/10/15/adversity

Posted in Word of the Day Challenge

Keep on keeping on in Him

I am just going to say the closer I get to Jesus, and the more I read my Bible the more it piques my heart and soul to know Him more! I am madly in love with the Lord! He changed my life for the good!

I can’t wait until one day I get to see His face, and He shall say “well done good and faithful servant”. This is what I strive for each, and every day. I have to keep on keeping on in Him.

Simple, and sweet! Blessing in Him for a rad week WP friends.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing. 2 Timothy 4:7-8

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/10/12/pique