The harpist playing upon my heart strings

15 minutes until my tele-med appointment with my breast surgeon. Bruised on my sides, tissue expander flipped, and swelling quite a bit. Sleep I desperately need, Lord please calm my anxious heart…

My head whirly about with so much thought, I almost feel sick at the stomach. Stop that, oh it is you Lord speaking to my heart. Nudging me, pulling me in your direction. Whispers softly the Holy Spirit, so keen to know me. Look up

Oh yes God I believe you have called me out, it is worry. Yes Lord I read your word daily, write about how faithful a God I serve. Yet here I sit squirmisly anxiety ridden. Nail biting me, no. Frivolously doing the what ifs, yes. Yes Lord you want ALL of me. I am holding back a few strands of my heart strings. I hear the harpist pluking, and the melody missing the keys. Flat as can be. Yes Lord this is me. You know me oh so well

My heart feels heavy laden. Like a raven wanting to take flight. Yet here I sit in recognition of it. So Lord I give you ALL the strands of ALL my heart strings, my life! I yield it ALL to you. I hold nothing, empty I sit. All the walls are down. Send the angelic harpist back, let her melodic music pronounce I am in tune with you. Maybe a lullaby to pass the time of my mundane mind 

As I bow my head to pray, and give you ALL holding nothing back. Laying prostate at the cross where my veil is lost. You uncovered me yet again, the sober Lisa can’t escape the clarity I find in the harpists rhythmic sounds. When it is out of key I know it, and it is ALL I can do to get on my face in seek of thee

Lord rid me of ALL this anxiety and worry. Help me to entrust everything to you. Allow the music heard to be the same as I speak from my mouth, and mesh with my heart. Thank you for knowing, and loving me so much to gently melt your truth upon my heart

Okay harpist let’s hear it now, play until you’re all played out. Then the pianist can sit in for you, and carry on with the same tune…

Play loudly upon my heart in unison we can sing, Praises to thee

⁶ Do not be anxious about anything,^(A) but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.^{(B) 7} And the peace of God,^(C) which transcends all understanding,^(D) will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-

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I choose to swim…

Been going through a lot, my heart still bares threads. Torn some pieces, edges nudged. Just slightly smudged. Didn’t realize the emotional toll my double mastectomy would take on me

This is my plea, my voice rings out to thee God above. Over mountain peaks, and roof tops I shout this for my heart needs your ear. I need willingness to accept, been very down on myself

I am not poor

I am not shabby

Jesus is my caddy

I am not inferior, or low quality

Jesus is superior

I can’t change the status of my life

I have to grieve

I am not less of a woman

I need to be willing to give myself some grace

I am not subpar

I am not second rate

Jesus is written on my hearts slate

I have to get to a place of acceptance of my new body parts. Art in the making is what it seems. Still trying to wrap my mind around these new things. I guess they call them breasts at best. Jesus hear my plea

So when I look in the mirror things are most definitely different, but I am alive. They are doing there best to make me look great. I try with gratitude to not shake my head with disgrace at the odd shape. Wave my old breasts goodbye. Jesus hear my plea

I will rise above yet another test that God has given me, my prayer is that I swim. Not sink. Pain inflicts, but will not be my fall. I call to thee instead with my plea. Disfigured reflections, I fear rejection. No sensation in either one, numb. Bumping into things, and no feeling. Jesus hear my plea

Hey I know I am not too shabby, just another journey to walk. Not just talk. Probably sounds like I have not made up my mind, on how I feel about myself. Trying to convince myself, yes a little. My emotions are a little of track from this new rack I wear. Jesus hear my plea

A new road now unfolds, imperfect yep. God makes up the difference, substandard not with Jesus as my right hand man. For with Him I will stand facing the mirror with acceptance of what stares back at me. Jesus hear my plea

Time to swim, catch my breath. Tread the water I used to sink. Give myself a break, shake this feeling of indifference away from me. Look at my body with a new perception of acceptance. They may be little strange to look at, and sometimes I gasp. Jesus hear my plea

Watch me take flight, as Eagles soar for Jesus I adore through all the tribulations. This will not get under my skin. Sink or Swim. Jesus hear my plea

I choose swim until the very end…He hears my plea

but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

Me being a little goofy, trying to catch my breath in the realization of my breasts with absolutely no feeling of sensation, and pain and nerves that strike like lightening. These are things I am trying to accept yet!

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/24/20/wave