“I’ve read the last page of the Bible. It’s all going to turn out all right.” ~Billy Graham
For much hope resides here, and I just keep my eyes on the prize. I rest at the foot of the cross. I know that today is where I reside with God, and His will be done. Peace and serenity can be found in an instant of surrendering my will to Him.
I cling to this today, in a world of uncertainty I find myself in prayer. I shall not live in fear, letting go of all at the cross on Calvary.
I find solace in the throne room right at my Father’s feet. I know without a doubt I can trust my unknown future to a very known God. The world may seem crazed, I just have to keep my focus on praising Him in His name! Father “thy will be done”.
This new world order is what must be for you to fulfill things I can not see. I am on bended knee, with faith over fear. You always have our best at heart, you have it down to an art. Even though we can not see the whole picture, you are holding the finished masterpiece in the palm of your hand! On this your truth I stand!
“But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven.” Matthew 10:33
DC talk said it best, “What will people think when they hear that I’m a Jesus freak? (It’s the…) What will people do (…freakshow) when they find that it’s true”? Ho ho Ho ho ho-o Ho ho
This morning I am readying myself to see my surgeon, and yes I am very emotionally/physically drained. I cried upon waking which is not my norm. I was quickly reminded of the gift of the breath of life I have. I was reminded how much worse it could be. I was reminded how His mercies are new EVERYmorning. I was reminded that “this too shall pass”. I may have to do this often throughout my day, recognize how great a God I serve. I may be on repeat of hoe He is holding the pen, if I allow Him. How He is in charge, and when I try to take over things just go awry. My heart has the desire for His compass. I know His compass always has my best at heart! It’s art really! Beautiful majestic art! Letting go, and letting Jesus my author my savior hold the pen!
Last night I was advised to go the Emergency room after talking to the on call surgeon. I am one week post swapping out my tissue expanders for implants. The last surgery in my breast cancer journey. Yesterday was the worst I felt the whole time since my surgery.
I was in tears when I was told my husband could not be with me at all. They were doing a work up for sepsis. I had tears streaming my face as my phone would not even connect to make a call out.
Thankfully after a long day with a fever, and feeling very nauseous my blood work came back all clear. My blood pressure was high when I got there. I refused all medication while there, because of all my allergies. I was the only person who could advocate for my own health. They were going to give something on my list of allergies.
So at the end of it all the conclusion is I have a pretty good sized Seroma. I will be seeing my surgeon tomorrow to see how we are going to address this. I am in a lot of pain. I am so swollen, but thank God I am home. Thank God it was not sepsis. Makes you realize how precious life is, and how fast things can change.
I was so weak, and sleepy. The Seroma was just making me feel crappier than I even knew. I have had many of you responding with prayers, and kind words. I just wanted to update you all on what is happening as of now.
So I am resting, and my husband was given 2 more days off of work to be with me. I so appreciate all of your prayers! Lord willing I will stop draining soon. I just keep holding on to “this too shall pass”.
God bless you all, may God be with you all as we approach the coming New Year!
So yesterday I had my final breast cancer surgery. My husband, and I were overwhelmed by the prayer response we got. I woke to texts, FB private messages all saying we are praying. As well they reassured us how much God had me. Which there was no doubt how very present he was.
I have such a very complicated health background. So when my double mastectomy went off without a hitch I was ecstatic to say the least. I was writing home to mama even though really she lives here, and I am able to call her on the phone. It just sounded sounded better to say that lol (more dramatic). Writing home to mama…😄
We knew the risks, complications, and just about all that goes into breast implants after a double mastectomy. Trust me we double, triple, and quadruple checked our information as well statistics. I am allergic to so many medications, and foods. This is decision was not taken lightly, or without fervent prayer.
My surgeon in all honesty after reading my prior health history told me his anxiety went up even thinking about the double mastectomy let alone putting implants of a foreign nature in my body. He in the end with us, after weighing heavily all options gave his approval. I went all summer with just above my average size breasts before my masectomy for the tissue expanders, which are what stretches my skin for the implants that are now my breasts.
So as I sit here everything at this moment looking back in retrospect everything went better than expected, and God answers prayers! Prayer is so powerful! I did have to have drain tubes that are producing very little blood. They will be taken out the morning of Christmas Eve if they keep producing less than 15 milliliters. Which I am pretty certain they will be.
So far what I see in the mirror I am excited about, I could have never have gone without breasts. The lack of sensation in my breast tissue has been quite enough for me to accept alone.
So now our prayer is for no post surgery infection, and number one on my list is SLEEP. I have the opposite reaction to anesthesia. Which is more common than realized. I have slept 2 1/2 hours since being home at 4 p.m. yesterday. I suffer from insomnia for about the first 3 days the anesthesia messes with my internal sleep clock. Which I am trying to keep my attitude in check since my “hot” wonderful husband was by the grace of God able to take a week off of work in care of me. So I smile when he walks by even though all I wish to do is scream “I need sleep”! I won’t do that though. I am going to try for small catnaps today. Which hasn’t happened yet.
I know the size of my breasts are to me perfect because it is the same cup size I was before they removed them. They are just more full as I am almost 47, and have had two children 24, and 22 years ago. So they just look happier. They may not be super natural, but I have breasts. I am free of breast cancer! I rode my mountain bike all summer with as much ease as you can with expanders that are the same as the implants I have now, but felt like a vice contraption. These implants are so much more natural feeling. The stretching of my skin that is so thin from the removal of my breasts, was very painful. It has all been worth it. This is not the route for every woman as each case is so individual to the woman. It is such a personal, and intimate path. So soon with God on our side this journey will all be in the rear view mirror. God has so done miracles in this body of mine. The surgeon said to my husband “if all my patients had as healthy of tissue as your wife it sure would make my job easier”.
All God none of me, I think not drinking has played a huge roll in that. Sobriety has served so many positive roles in my life. As well All God not me. I am just a willing participant in this journey of my life. Praise God for that. I show up for my life today!
We have meals for over a week, from a meal train my mom started. How very blessed we feel. The hardest part about this is not being able to hug our closet. When my mom came over the night before my surgery, with her soon to be fiancé to bring food. Saying goodbye without a hug was the hardest part. I teared up, and my heart felt sad. It has been too long of this social distancing from those who hold the closest places in our hearts!
So as I am finishing up this post, I am a very sleep deprived, extremely blessed woman. Who knows my creator God was present through this whole journey from diagnosis to now. If there are errors or anything confusing in this post please excuse me, as it is time to try one of those catnaps I am in desperate need of. As well my husband has not once left my side (he is a God send). He too is very emotionally drained. He is already snoring away next to me, hopefully that will be me soon enough. Except I don’t snore. Blessings All. Sorry for the long post..lots in my heart ❤️
For this reason I bow my knees before the Father…that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being. (Ephesians 3:14,16)
So I got the call that my final, and my last breast cancer surgery is a go for Monday the 21st of this month. With that came tears because reality hit. This is it, it is finally happening. Of course whenever anyone is put under there is also a little bit of nervous anxiety.
We have so much to be in laud to our loving father God for. I will be in 100% self quarantine starting tomorrow after I Covid test. This weekend we had 3 separate little Christmas’s with those who are near, and dearest to us. Two people each night beginning Friday. How blessed we are to have these beautiful people in our lives.
We had strict orders that no food was to be exchanged or eaten at any given get together. We gathered, and we did everything according to my surgeons orders. We had a couple pictures with masks off, but it was for milliseconds.
I am all done with everything Christmas, I am ready to be locked down. I really kept it simple, and stress free. We were so blessed to be able to give this year, and that my husbands job has been essential. God is so present, and I know on the day of my surgery He will be right at my side. He is the Ultimate surgeon. He gave me an incredible surgeon who I trust fully. I feel confident everything will go as planned.
The biggest struggle I am having is that my husband has to drop me off, and say goodbye at the car. That one cuts a little, but I know it could be so much worse. It has been for so many people.
So I will continue to spiritually ready myself. I will be praying lots, reading, staying connected to friends/family, and the one thing that allows me to do all this is my AA meetings. So I will be Zooming a lot too. A gift in, and of itself.
Here is a sneak peak at a couple of our early Christmas pictures. My husband’s best friend of well over 40 years dates my best friend of over 25 years. He thought it would be super funny to come out to our car to make sure we didn’t forget anything (while spraying unknown fart spray all over our car). 🤢 Almost 55, and these two are like little boys when we get them together.
Psalm 35:28 My tongue will proclaim your righteousness, your praises all day long.