I am unable to post any pictures do to storage issues that I don’t have time to take care of at the moment. Hopefully soon enough though…
I got Covid last month when I had posted about my Breast Implant Illness, and my surgery to remove my implants was postponed. It is tomorrow, and I am so anxious. I am trying to know there’s a place where fear has to face the God I know. This is that place. Tomorrow at 2:00 is this place. As I write this tears are welling up in my eyes, I am just tired in every aspect of life. Yet I am blessed, and this I know.
My breast cancer journey has been so long, and this body is very tired. I know it is the absolute right thing to do, yet I am human. I do fear the unknown. I don’t know what that first glance in the mirror will be like. I already lost my breasts 2 and a half years ago, but aesthetically I have had two sets of implants now. So I don’t know what a flat chest will look like.
I have such a beautiful support system (my husband), family, and friends are surrounding us in prayer! Please if you pray, pray with us. I just ask for peace that surpasses all understanding.
I don’t have a lot in me today. So I will keep it short. Blessings all…🙏🏻
This last weekend my hubby took me out, and I felt like a princess/ballerina 🩰 Ironically this was taken 2 plus years ago before my first set of implants after my double mastectomy. Same place at Christmas.
“For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” (Matt. 18:19–20.) Prayer, then, is the vehicle whereby we invite His Spirit to be with us.
I wasn’t going to speak out loud about this, but I know so many of you who pray for us. My next surgery will be the removal of my implants, and I will be going flat. I will be fit with a prosthesis that I can wear, essentially my implants are making me sick. When Brad asked my surgeon what he would do if I was his wife he said “encourage her to go flat, and love her just as she is”. I didn’t think my breast cancer journey would lead to this. Now understand this I can’t feel my implants nor my whole backside, but I still feel as if I have breasts. I am almost 49, and I know they are not my identity. I just look at life,(advertisement after advertisement and breasts all part of these ads). I have had breasts since my youth. I have a very loving husband who is telling me, and reassuring me I am beautiful and he will love me through this all.
I know God has a plan, yet I can’t see it at the moment. I am grabbing on to the cross with all my might, but my emotions are so up and down. Please if you pray, pray for us and with us! What am I asking for? Peace that surpasses all understanding. My biggest fear is what the first glance in the mirror will look like when the bandage comes off. I do know my quality of life will be better, which benefits Brad and I. I haven’t even rode my mountain bike once this year. That’s so not me! We just want my life back! So please all prayer warriors join us if you will as we need to feel God’s overwhelming presence in this time 🎀
Prepping Bible verses, listening to my husband’s hearts share as we lay his mom to rest tomorrow.
We know her final resting place is in the arms of Jesus. She was a believer, and that brings us so much peace. My husband is at the age where many of his friends are losing their parents. This loss brings him to the loss of both his dad, and mom. It really makes you think, and ponder the years of your life.
The City of Spokane Police Chaplain happens to be a dear friend of mine. He is doing her service. He just texted asking if I was ready with my Bible verses. I am (tearfully) I am.
As I ready myself for work I do have at the back of my head what if?
What if it my chin biopsy comes back skin cancer, and they have to dig into my chin? The Doctor advising me I could use my breast cancer surgeon to do the plastic surgery to make my chin look somewhat normal.
What if, what if what if, my brain was definitely squirrelly, and the what if was renting too much space in my head on Monday. I knew I needed an AA meeting. I knew what if needed to go
What if? I didn’t feel like drinking, I just know what to do when I don’t feel good. I have been gifted the tools today to say I need to get into the rooms to listen. To be open minded, willing, and honest
What if? I wasn’t myself. When the Doctor started talking plastic surgeon I checked out. I could see his mouth moving, but it was too much for my brain with all I have just come up, and out of in the last 2 years. Breast Cancer, and four surgeries later I envisioned myself telling the Doctor to go you know where. Of course I didn’t.
What if? What if? What if? Well I only have today. I live one day, and at times one moment at a time. So I now wait for 2 grueling weeks. I wait, and I see. I trust God, and pray a lot. I take that what if and shove it!
What if? Sure it remains at the back of my head with a bandaid on my chin as I grin. What if is not as overwhelming as it was Monday. That is all thanks to a program God gifted me in AA, and my spiritual house today being clean. I know God has me
What if? I don’t know all I know is I trust my unknown future to a very known God. All I have is right now. So with bandaid on my chin I will manage to grin, and make it through my work day! Happy, Joyous, and free me! What if all I have is today
As I ready myself for work I do have at the back of my head what if?
What if it my chin biopsy comes back skin cancer, and they have to dig into my chin? The Doctor advising me I could use my breast cancer surgeon to do the plastic surgery to make my chin look somewhat normal.
What if, what if what if, my brain was definitely squirrelly, and the what if was renting too much space in my head on Monday. I knew I needed an AA meeting. I knew what if needed to go
What if? I didn’t feel like drinking, I just know what to do when I don’t feel good. I have been gifted the tools today to say I need to get into the rooms to listen. To be open minded, willing, and honest
What if? I wasn’t myself. When the Doctor started talking plastic surgeon I checked out. I could see his mouth moving, but it was too much for my brain with all I have just come up, and out of in the last 2 years. Breast Cancer, and four surgeries later I envisioned myself telling the Doctor to go you know where. Of course I didn’t.
What if? What if? What if? Well I only have today. I live one day, and at times one moment at a time. So I now wait for 2 grueling weeks. I wait, and I see. I trust God, and pray a lot. I take that what if and shove it!
What if? Sure it remains at the back of my head with a bandaid on my chin as I grin. What if is not as overwhelming as it was Monday. That is all thanks to a program God gifted me in AA, and my spiritual house today being clean. I know God has me
What if? I don’t know all I know is I trust my unknown future to a very known God. All I have is right now. So with bandaid on my chin I will manage to grin, and make it through my work day! Happy, Joyous, and free me! What if all I have is today
We reflect; 🎀 beginning 2022 reflecting on all God did for us in 2020, and 2021! This past 2 years has brought me down a very long journey, one I could not have endured if not for the grace of God. As well the gift of my husband, my best friend, and side kick. Both have been my saving grace through 4 surgeries. Today though after both breasts were removed I am breast cancer free. No radiation or chemotherapy. Just new breasts with no feeling, and no sensation in my breasts or Latissimus Dorsi Muscles. A lot of acceptance comes with all of this. My body is tired, and at times my soul has been.
What amazes me most is the miracles of family, and friendships that will always be dear. I got to see my beautiful Brie Ortize (cheese) after 6 years, how great a God we serve! I had many wonderful memories in the midst of my very personal storm. Thank you to all of you, and you know who you are!
One day at a time I am healing. My last surgery was a little over 8 weeks ago, and I am ready to put all of this behind us. God has been more than gracious, and my husband has been such a beautiful support. So tomorrow as it is a new day, and as well New Year I am grateful for the gift of the breath of life. This beautiful life has been granted to me, and I am trying to embrace this once again “new me”. Acceptance is key, and trusting God in the process. Blessings to you all, Happy New Year!
Right after my double mastectomy, 8 drain tubes! My daughter came! All glory to God! My heart, my son! My lovely mom, who has always been there for me without fail My step daughter her awesome husband, and our perfect grandson Huddy! The twins and our famous Euro basketball player soon to be son-in lawFriends for 25 plus years Our best friends! Love our life Christmas 2021, Huddy and us! The best!
So I figured it was time to share my heart. I haven’t had anything to write for quite sometime now. I had my 4th Breast Cancer Surgery 6 weeks ago. I didn’t even feel like sharing this with all of you. This was 4 very big surgeries in a year and half. I am tired, yet grateful. I am empty, yet full. I am just focusing on getting through the days, and trying hard to keep it simple.
I imagine I don’t really make sense. I have been posting photography so my blog does not become stagnant. I will be turning 48 in 2 months, and my body is having such a hard time bouncing back after this last surgery. I am not depressed, I am just tired. I am so grateful I did not have to have Chemotherapy, or Radiation. A double mastectomy was enough to mess with my already complex brain. Acceptance with my new body parts took me a year and a half. It was after this last surgery I finally found acceptance. I know without a doubt as much as I did not want to endure another surgery it was God’s will for this to happen. I am finally at peace with looking in the mirror, where I was horrified to look at myself before this last surgery. The mystery of God’s will never ceases to amaze me.
He knew what I needed, and what it would take for acceptance. I was in prayer, and literally on my knees begging God for this for so long. I wasn’t sure if it would come. I trusted He had a plan, and patience was crucial to my survival. As well working my recovery daily, because half measures I know avail me nothing. So I have stayed very vigilant in prayer, and my daily conscious contact with my very loving God.
So here I am tired, and not a single desire to write. I just figured I would share (it was about time). I always know God has his best no matter what. I had a flat tire, and He fixed it. Praise God! My life with my husband is feeling more like “us”, and I am feeling more like “Lisa”. All glory to God. Hopefully I will write again sooner than later. Blessings WP friends, God is so faithful this I know!
“Rarely have we seen a person fail who has throughly followed our path” ~Bill W. & Dr. Bob
I wake this morning with 8 years of sobriety all by the grace of God. I get to live, love, and laugh in the solution today. Alcohol was but a symptom. I was so spiritually sick, and today I begin with thy will not mine be done. One day at a time. I am not exempt from picking up that bottle, it is solely contingent on my spiritual house. This morning my heart is right before God. So with much gratitude I will celebrate this day of 8 years, giving God all the glory for my story.
I was a bottom feeder. I was at my lowest. Bruised, battered, and stained. I had danced with the devil day in, and day out. Enough to cause insanity to anyone. Today when I dance I am a princess, and I choose to dance with my King. Far from perfect I am, but today I have the tools to recognize my character defects. I am aware when I need to stop, drop, and pray. On any given day God’s address is NOW. I have a daily reprieve, and I hang with the winners. I came in willing to do whatever was asked of me with the desperation of a dying woman.
8 years later I get to share my experience, strength, and hope with others. I get the gift of working with other women. I get the gift of serving in my home group. I say get, because one sip of booze and all bets are off.
I daily wake powerless over alcohol. I daily turn my will and life over to the care of God as I understand Him. I daily have God step in, and do for me what I can’t even often see what He is doing for me in the moment. He does for me what I can’t do for myself, and I have willingness to see what He is teaching me in those moments.
8 years of peace, and serenity. I used to thrive off of chaos, and calamity. I don’t do well there today. Thank God for the gifts of this simple program, and being open minded as well willing for 8 years of “one day at a time”.
Sobriety is a journey not a destination, and a beautiful one at that.
Thank you to all my husband, children, family, and all friends of Bill W. and Dr. Bob. My hearts biggest thank you is to God who saved a wretch like me. Ashes to beauty. From wretch to princess.
You can find me today in a room listening to others stories. As well sharing my experience, strength, and hope. Praying that my hope might whisper into just one ear from someone else who sits in their chair for the first time like I did 8 years ago lost wanting to find the solution.
Here is to never forgetting where I came from, every tear shed. From the darkest caverns, to the highest mountain peaks I pray my life shouts JOY, PEACE, and HOPE!
I feel so blessed being apart of this blogging community. I honestly was just wondering the other day when my first blog was.
1 year ago, and what a wonderful experience it has been. I have a new love for photography since being back in play. I love all the photo challenges that Cee makes readily available for all of us daily. I as well love the word of the day challenge when my brain is on to something I feel worth writing about.
I love being able to express myself in this platform. Thank you to all who stop, read, look, and even comment. I appreciate you all. I as well love seeing all the different ways people express themselves in their blogs. It is a beautiful unique world of words, and pictures in here. Happy Blogging!
Again blessed with the best! Thank you all, Lisa
What it feels like, I knew this photo would come in handy 😀
Weirds Are Word 