I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder. ~G.K. Chesterton
With the utmost sincerity I thank all of my followers today. 400, and going. I have found a true form of self expression inside WP. I have much respect for so many of the people I follow, and their creative attributes either in writing or photography. I as well have gained some genuine friendships.
With all that said I am grateful I have a safe platform to be me. For this I say THANK YOU! God bless you all…
Your prompt for #JusJoJan and Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “first thing.” Start your post with the words, “first thing” and go from there. Bonus points if you end your post with the last thing. Have fun!
First thing in the morning with my coffee in hand I head to the couch where there I begin my day with prayer.
I have to go to God before I enter into my day. It is my morning quiet time with God. It is where my heart, and spirit sync up with God’s will for my day. I usually begin by thanking God for another day. For we are never promised our tomorrow. I always thank Him for another day of sobriety.
My husband, and I as well read together. Then we pray together as well. We lift up family, friends, anyone who has asked us to pray for them. This has been every morning of our marriage. It doesn’t matter if we are on vacation, or we are just hanging around the house. 7 days a week I start my day with prayer, and reading.
“Thy will not mine be done”. That is that last thing I always say. Then I can feel confident in God to begin my day His way.
I cling to this today, in a world of uncertainty I find myself in prayer. I shall not live in fear, letting go of all at the cross on Calvary.
I find solace in the throne room right at my Father’s feet. I know without a doubt I can trust my unknown future to a very known God. The world may seem crazed, I just have to keep my focus on praising Him in His name! Father “thy will be done”.
This new world order is what must be for you to fulfill things I can not see. I am on bended knee, with faith over fear. You always have our best at heart, you have it down to an art. Even though we can not see the whole picture, you are holding the finished masterpiece in the palm of your hand! On this your truth I stand!
It is the perseverance that you carry, and the smile that you wear. Your heart of gold. You are bold beyond your years
You got up with all you could muster, life had sucked you dry. No tears left to cry. Tired of handing over all of your paychecks with not even a bed to lay your weary hard working bones. No food to keep you fed
You walked out the door, shut the door tight. No key leaving the chaotic ruins behind. Never looked back, as your heart had already took quite a beating. You were always on the back burner, you turned inward words were missed. Personality unknown to them in your home
Clothed in courage you drove miles in change of your life. Yours is an uphill climb. Nothing has come easy. You walk a step behind, but yet you still dig your toes in and begin
You have true grit, and dreams to unfold. Perseverance in your pockets, and a locket of courage around your neck. Watching you change I am truly amazed at your want for only healthy in your life
You are witty, charming, and sarcastic no doubt. I believe in you, as I have seen your once crushed spirit strutting its new self. Showing a real smile from ear to ear, here and there
Yep even through the sarcasm as your mom I see it shine, and you my son are mine. You have true grit. You got up, with perseverance as your friend, and courage as your new shoes. You have made a life brand new. Most could not will to do
Finding yourself, and who you are. Looking past the scars of your your youth. Not playing the victim. Like a cowboy takes the reigns of his horse headed for his course. You too took reign of your life. True grit
I am proud of you, and God has you! Look up, and you shall see the courage comes from above, and He is there. Your life is in the making. It is yours for the taking. God is giving you freedoms pass. True grit in all you do. Perseverance, and free at last. God is rewriting your life. In Him take take up refuge. Never be weary for a place to lay your head again
He will give you billows of peace as you continue on. I see your smile, you can’t fool me. It is the darn cutest thing I ever have seen. Makes your mama’s heart sing
True grit..I see in you Elias my son. Best life you have had in years. Laughter, and sarcasm bringing tears. 19, and you stood up stood and your ground and never turned back around…
Your whole life is in front of you, True Grit in God will carry you through. 22 college student 3.2 G.P.A. you’re dazzling son. Let no one steal your thunder! You have proved to them all bets were off, you stood up to your life beating the odds
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6
This one thing I know undoubtedly in my heart today. There is no greater love known to man than of my savior Jesus Christ. My life as long as I walk with Him, and my heart is right before Him is limitless. I can have the beautiful life when I say “thy will not mine be done”. It doesn’t mean that my life is easy nor does not have pain, grief, or even sorrow. It means that His love for me is limitless, and with that love I can get through the storms that this life brings. It is not all rainbows, butterflies, and Cotton Candy. Yet it is so divine.
He can help me dance in the rain, turn ashes to beauty, and lift my hands in praise in the mist of my pain.
Limitless unconditional love for me, and He is faithful to complete the work He started in me. I don’t know about you, but I couldn’t imagine not signing up for such a thing in my life today. Heck yeah, I signed up! Please God help me to keep my end of the deal. I love living my life today in peace that surpasses all understanding, and without chaos. A mind of clarity viewed through God’s lens for my heart. The beauty of simplicity.
And this my friend is just the start because His love is indeed limitless beyond all comprehension to that of man. It is hard to understand. He does miracles in, and around my life. He shows up, and He even shows off. His love for me is real! Surreal! Sovereignty, my heart is no longer bankrupt. Poverty no more. Jesus shines!
My son and his girlfriend were on a walk yesterday in Seattle. Their downtown was quiet. My city of Spokane has many Trump supporters, and it was not so quiet.
It was not in state such as our nations capital. He was reassuring me that it was safe there. Then he came across one of my all time favorite sayings, “this too shall pass”. He knew at that moment with all my eyes, and heart had seen I needed this sent to me.
So for all of you who may be wiping your eyes in disbelief, and having a hard time holding onto hope…my hope is not in our government or president whom ever it be. It is in Jesus my King. For He has ALL authority.
So this is for all of us, because it is absolute truth. This is God’s country, and He will purpose yesterday for His good. He is moving in His land, He trying to wake up His people! Instead being angry, or with no hope…pray! Pray for our nation!
Look up, and look into the word of God which is mesmerizing of the heart. If you take hold of the truth, and live by it it changes the lens you see all of this through. You will see how God is in control. Even when things seem so misconstrued. I wake, and say “thy will be done not mine today”.
In short I am saying people here will always fail us, and none will meet our every expectation. There is one power, and that one is God. He is all encompassing with love, and unconditional at that. He trying to get all of His people to fall to their knees. Plead to Jesus we need you. Indeed our country needs God! Our people need God, and hope needs to be restored in something eternal not temporal.
“This too shall pass”! Hang on, and persevere. Keep on keeping on! Look up, and keep praying for your heart. You can’t imagine how beautiful a life can be when you give your heart to the one who created you.
“But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven.” Matthew 10:33
DC talk said it best, “What will people think when they hear that I’m a Jesus freak? (It’s the…) What will people do (…freakshow) when they find that it’s true”? Ho ho Ho ho ho-o Ho ho
This morning I am readying myself to see my surgeon, and yes I am very emotionally/physically drained. I cried upon waking which is not my norm. I was quickly reminded of the gift of the breath of life I have. I was reminded how much worse it could be. I was reminded how His mercies are new EVERYmorning. I was reminded that “this too shall pass”. I may have to do this often throughout my day, recognize how great a God I serve. I may be on repeat of hoe He is holding the pen, if I allow Him. How He is in charge, and when I try to take over things just go awry. My heart has the desire for His compass. I know His compass always has my best at heart! It’s art really! Beautiful majestic art! Letting go, and letting Jesus my author my savior hold the pen!
Last night I was advised to go the Emergency room after talking to the on call surgeon. I am one week post swapping out my tissue expanders for implants. The last surgery in my breast cancer journey. Yesterday was the worst I felt the whole time since my surgery.
I was in tears when I was told my husband could not be with me at all. They were doing a work up for sepsis. I had tears streaming my face as my phone would not even connect to make a call out.
Thankfully after a long day with a fever, and feeling very nauseous my blood work came back all clear. My blood pressure was high when I got there. I refused all medication while there, because of all my allergies. I was the only person who could advocate for my own health. They were going to give something on my list of allergies.
So at the end of it all the conclusion is I have a pretty good sized Seroma. I will be seeing my surgeon tomorrow to see how we are going to address this. I am in a lot of pain. I am so swollen, but thank God I am home. Thank God it was not sepsis. Makes you realize how precious life is, and how fast things can change.
I was so weak, and sleepy. The Seroma was just making me feel crappier than I even knew. I have had many of you responding with prayers, and kind words. I just wanted to update you all on what is happening as of now.
So I am resting, and my husband was given 2 more days off of work to be with me. I so appreciate all of your prayers! Lord willing I will stop draining soon. I just keep holding on to “this too shall pass”.
God bless you all, may God be with you all as we approach the coming New Year!
Much jubilation in thinking that we are celebrating the birth of our King. Today when we wake it’s not about all the presents under the tree. It’s about the presence of the Lord we have in our hearts. It is about our loved ones He has gifted us to share such celebrations with. It is about the food that will make our bellies full today, the roof over our heads, and the cozy bed we lie in until the time comes to rise up.
Give thanks today, lift your hands in praise for all the gifts of 2020. It may have been for some a very hard pressed year, it as well though can be one to be grateful for. I know I have grown so much in the Lord in this past year. He has given me so much to smile, laugh, and cheer about. God is always faithful to reveal His presence even in the midst of what we may feel like is the biggest storm our life has seen. Jesus is the reason for the season!
Isaiah 40:31 – But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
7 years, and 4 months ago I fell to my bottom. I doubt anyone ever thought I would make it back up. The rock fell on me, and crushed me. I did rise back up, and with the mercy of God’s forgiveness. I rose with the help of His loving hand. With His grace I soar today! Mine is an ashes to beauty story, and I get to be here to share it today. I chose the little glimpse of hope, and I grabbed onto it with the little strength I could muster. It was then God carried me. Now I am soaring with the Eagles, flying high with God in control of my life.
So yesterday I had my final breast cancer surgery. My husband, and I were overwhelmed by the prayer response we got. I woke to texts, FB private messages all saying we are praying. As well they reassured us how much God had me. Which there was no doubt how very present he was.
I have such a very complicated health background. So when my double mastectomy went off without a hitch I was ecstatic to say the least. I was writing home to mama even though really she lives here, and I am able to call her on the phone. It just sounded sounded better to say that lol (more dramatic). Writing home to mama…😄
We knew the risks, complications, and just about all that goes into breast implants after a double mastectomy. Trust me we double, triple, and quadruple checked our information as well statistics. I am allergic to so many medications, and foods. This is decision was not taken lightly, or without fervent prayer.
My surgeon in all honesty after reading my prior health history told me his anxiety went up even thinking about the double mastectomy let alone putting implants of a foreign nature in my body. He in the end with us, after weighing heavily all options gave his approval. I went all summer with just above my average size breasts before my masectomy for the tissue expanders, which are what stretches my skin for the implants that are now my breasts.
So as I sit here everything at this moment looking back in retrospect everything went better than expected, and God answers prayers! Prayer is so powerful! I did have to have drain tubes that are producing very little blood. They will be taken out the morning of Christmas Eve if they keep producing less than 15 milliliters. Which I am pretty certain they will be.
So far what I see in the mirror I am excited about, I could have never have gone without breasts. The lack of sensation in my breast tissue has been quite enough for me to accept alone.
So now our prayer is for no post surgery infection, and number one on my list is SLEEP. I have the opposite reaction to anesthesia. Which is more common than realized. I have slept 2 1/2 hours since being home at 4 p.m. yesterday. I suffer from insomnia for about the first 3 days the anesthesia messes with my internal sleep clock. Which I am trying to keep my attitude in check since my “hot” wonderful husband was by the grace of God able to take a week off of work in care of me. So I smile when he walks by even though all I wish to do is scream “I need sleep”! I won’t do that though. I am going to try for small catnaps today. Which hasn’t happened yet.
I know the size of my breasts are to me perfect because it is the same cup size I was before they removed them. They are just more full as I am almost 47, and have had two children 24, and 22 years ago. So they just look happier. They may not be super natural, but I have breasts. I am free of breast cancer! I rode my mountain bike all summer with as much ease as you can with expanders that are the same as the implants I have now, but felt like a vice contraption. These implants are so much more natural feeling. The stretching of my skin that is so thin from the removal of my breasts, was very painful. It has all been worth it. This is not the route for every woman as each case is so individual to the woman. It is such a personal, and intimate path. So soon with God on our side this journey will all be in the rear view mirror. God has so done miracles in this body of mine. The surgeon said to my husband “if all my patients had as healthy of tissue as your wife it sure would make my job easier”.
All God none of me, I think not drinking has played a huge roll in that. Sobriety has served so many positive roles in my life. As well All God not me. I am just a willing participant in this journey of my life. Praise God for that. I show up for my life today!
We have meals for over a week, from a meal train my mom started. How very blessed we feel. The hardest part about this is not being able to hug our closet. When my mom came over the night before my surgery, with her soon to be fiancé to bring food. Saying goodbye without a hug was the hardest part. I teared up, and my heart felt sad. It has been too long of this social distancing from those who hold the closest places in our hearts!
So as I am finishing up this post, I am a very sleep deprived, extremely blessed woman. Who knows my creator God was present through this whole journey from diagnosis to now. If there are errors or anything confusing in this post please excuse me, as it is time to try one of those catnaps I am in desperate need of. As well my husband has not once left my side (he is a God send). He too is very emotionally drained. He is already snoring away next to me, hopefully that will be me soon enough. Except I don’t snore. Blessings All. Sorry for the long post..lots in my heart ❤️
For this reason I bow my knees before the Father…that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being. (Ephesians 3:14,16)
He leads me to “still waters”, he leads me, and I follow. For there all the noise, and chaos in my day is made tranquil. I can then have a heart open to emerse myself in you. For my prayer is that I can be still, and always know that you are God. In the hustle, and bustle of my days it is easy to get raptured by schedules. Schedules where you have not been penciled in.
How easy for you Lord God to be pushed aside in the rush. It takes but a moment to give you my day, and to make your will my want. Hushed! To remember that you gave me the breath of life that I may have yet another day to be drawn to to you. Lord let there be “still waters” in each day so I can take this time to be in awe in Praise of you. For you are my hope, and my strength. Lead me, and I will follow. Hushed in my heart, and quieted in spirit.
Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “magnet.” Use it any way you’d like. Enjoy!
Magnetic pull! One thing I desire of myself in my life today is to be a light of the Holy Spirit the resides in me. As DC Talks song lyrics state, “What will people think when they hear that I’m a Jesus freak? What will people do when they find that it’s true?”
I am a Jesus Freak today, I love the Lord for he heard my cries! I want everyone to know that God saved me from the depths of the lowest of my own depravity! There is hope that resides in the cross.
So my prayer is that my heart, actions, and words are a magnet of Jesus’s love!
Lunacy in every nook and cranny. Uncanny the secrets of your soiled souls putrid display. Only lucid to those who lurked in the night. Go to sleep you are a fright
If only you could remember the words you sobbed in your inebriation. They would make anyone have goose bumps the size of boulders. Secrets no one should ever have to wear upon there shoulders
Perverse were the things that lay dormant until blood thirsty it fed from the pint sized Fireball Whiskey you always had waiting for you by your bed. It was cloak and dagger. Then you admitted all your sin in the dark as inhibtions transitioned with each taste. Stop, stop talking you are making me sick
Sucker punched is the only way I could explain it. You would have no recollection of the twisted words that broke from there holding cell. Me I was now in mourning
You were not the man I thought you to be. I needed a pardon from the validity. It was such a blow to my heart, I sought my rescue in the numbing fixation you too found in a bottle. Take your knife put in my back twisting and turning it. No swallowing back the words were already spoken. Broken!
Look to left look to the right we were past the fight. If we had only looked up. I told you just tell someone, anyone else please not just me. It was just to much for me as your wife. You knocked the wind out me. You dripped the blood from my soul with frozen twist upon the knife with cruel words of lust. The trust was gone. I still had an inkling of hope even in the dark you resided God was bigger than this
No remission you did this and you would have never been given permission for such a thing. The repercussions great, a fling in the night. If it had only been one
You claim God told you that you can drink. Insanity!! The bible says to not drink not to be drunk. It was not okay for either of us. You tricked yourself. You tricked me, abandoned your marriage bed
I have not been able to really give words to the surprise you sprung, it just felt like life ended. I was suspended from our vows it was the only way out. You handed it right to me, my reprieve rest in your hand. Right there for the taking, and you saw no fault in your ways
So stay, no I could not stay…you handed me the writ of permission I was able to find my reprieve
What a sad story we were, so much potential starting with God. Somewhere He got tossed. You became boss of your soul, and me I can only blame myself for not standing my ground. For in my weakness Satan found way
Reprieve is what you wanted. You made way for it. Bit it off, downed it whole. No save for the soul
So stay, no I could not stay this time with no stutter leaving you to shudder in your lusty maze. If it had only been a phase for that with God we could have saved
A bomb blew up within my heart, I take responsibility for my part. Alcoholic I became totally insane, spiritually sick. For you did not like me not one little bit. So we just continued to get lit
So I got the call that my final, and my last breast cancer surgery is a go for Monday the 21st of this month. With that came tears because reality hit. This is it, it is finally happening. Of course whenever anyone is put under there is also a little bit of nervous anxiety.
We have so much to be in laud to our loving father God for. I will be in 100% self quarantine starting tomorrow after I Covid test. This weekend we had 3 separate little Christmas’s with those who are near, and dearest to us. Two people each night beginning Friday. How blessed we are to have these beautiful people in our lives.
We had strict orders that no food was to be exchanged or eaten at any given get together. We gathered, and we did everything according to my surgeons orders. We had a couple pictures with masks off, but it was for milliseconds.
I am all done with everything Christmas, I am ready to be locked down. I really kept it simple, and stress free. We were so blessed to be able to give this year, and that my husbands job has been essential. God is so present, and I know on the day of my surgery He will be right at my side. He is the Ultimate surgeon. He gave me an incredible surgeon who I trust fully. I feel confident everything will go as planned.
The biggest struggle I am having is that my husband has to drop me off, and say goodbye at the car. That one cuts a little, but I know it could be so much worse. It has been for so many people.
So I will continue to spiritually ready myself. I will be praying lots, reading, staying connected to friends/family, and the one thing that allows me to do all this is my AA meetings. So I will be Zooming a lot too. A gift in, and of itself.
Here is a sneak peak at a couple of our early Christmas pictures. My husband’s best friend of well over 40 years dates my best friend of over 25 years. He thought it would be super funny to come out to our car to make sure we didn’t forget anything (while spraying unknown fart spray all over our car). 🤢 Almost 55, and these two are like little boys when we get them together.
Psalm 35:28 My tongue will proclaim your righteousness, your praises all day long.
Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “mini/maxi.” Use “mini” (the smallest of something) or “maxi” (the largest) or both in your post. Have fun!
I have always kind of considered myself a mini person. I am not super short, but I am short enough that it makes shopping hard. My legs just aren’t that long. I take short ankle length in all sizes regarding jeans or pants.
I have been this height since the 5th grade. I am a whopping 5’ 1” & 7/8ths. I can shop in the kids section in some stores. Which benefits all because it is less expensive.
So the question remains would I rather be mini or maxi? Mini all the way. “Short people. We maintain a great perspective on life because we’re always looking up.”
I was able to spend my day with my beloved mom. She was giving of her time to take me to see my surgeon today.
My expander had shifted more causing even greater pain, so this appointment was in hopes of him being able to once again try to manipulate it back into its place.
I was literally in the surgeons office for maybe 10 minutes. It had shifted to where he just turned it left, and bam it was right back to where it belonged. I was in awe. He was so excited he not only high fived me, he hugged me. He knows what a long road this breast cancer journey has been. His face was all lit up.
He wanted me to get my bra on immediately to keep the expander in its place. When he saw my bra, he was not happy. He said it was not supportive enough. His direct orders were to go to lululemon, and buy a very high end sport bra. $213.00 dollars high end. lululemon makes technical athletic clothes for yoga, running, working out, and most other sweaty pursuits. One bra for my needs was $108.00. I have many girlfriends who shop their. It was quite the treat.
Quite the treat is having my breast expander back in place, and I am praying until my surgery it stays there. My mom, and had a very enjoyable day together today. She even treated herself at lululemon.
So here is too beloved family that is willing to help when we need it. My husband got to work all day, because my mom sacrificed her time. Family is such a gift! God is great, and he knows exactly what we need when we need it!
“Honor your father and mother, and love your neighbor as yourself.” – Matthew 19:19