As a huge milestone is fast approaching, I am eager in anticipation to celebrate this day with my dearest. This Thursday August 6th, I will have 7 years of continual sobriety. No toxin in my skin for 7 whole years. Nothing to numb me, and make me dumb
So with that said I can remember back to getting sober. There were so many firsts. I had been drinking pretty heavy for about ten years total when I came to the realization I was totally insane (loco). I was bruised, battered, and stained. I was asleep, like a Zombie. I could barely talk, and most times my walk was staggered. My heart was as dark as the blood that drained from my own dagger. I was held captive in darkness, shackles tight. I could not run fast enough desperation of a dying woman was seizing me
There was no one let alone me I could please. I was so woe is me, and please pity my life. I did not know how to live sober, and free of my spiritual illness. Hope was gone, that was the song on repeat in my cast iron heart. I was dead inside, my blood had run to freezing
So getting back to the sobriety part. The magic, and the artistry of God’s gracious hand on me. Free! Shackles lifted, and lights blind. I was alive, and awake from my slumber. People could see there was no more alcohol in me
The first time I saw myself in the mirror, OH DEAR! What had become of me
The first time I talked without slurring my words, I actually spoke with poise
The first time I said, “I love you,” and felt its meaning
The first time I looked outside, and saw all the earths majesticness I had been blind to
The first time I cried, raw and organic. It flowed like the storm on the night of the Titanic. Years of tears. I was drenched with sorrow, that I cast far away from me with God’s forgiveness
The first time I hugged, I didn’t want to let go it felt so good to swallowed like a bear. Not a single care
The first time I prayed. I could feel the spirit envelop me whole. For this had been years since I had that kind of know
The first time I was grateful my list was as long a hymnal I sang the chorus over and over. For thee I adore once more
The first time I laughed it was loud, and obnoxious like I had never made that sound before. Yet I felt it deep
The first I was learning Lisa. There was so much to learn. It is was as if I was in school just for me, the A, B, C, s’
The first time I kissed with much nervousness do I even know how. Like do I practice or something I only knew under drunken uninhibitedness
The first time I made a genuine friend, do we talk over tea over something. It was so exciting you see, especially for a drunk like me
The first holiday, I remembered it all. I was festive, and a bit jolly. Break out the Holly
The first time I grieved, even my dad who had passed in 1983. My grief list was too quite lengthly. I had lost a lot in my toxic trance. Now time to take a glance, and then put it all to rest
The first time I started to find new likes, and loves that were all my own. Wow, to be my very own person. The codependency in that broken bottle gone. My age like that of a child, with much wonder. Pure amazement. Easily amused
My list of firsts could go on, and on because I still have some even seven years later. The one thing I know is these firsts are never to be taken for granted. I live my life “one day at a time,” and can never forget where I came from. I work my life with my spiritual house having to be guarded. These firsts are all dependent on my spiritual house, and where I sit. So today I don’t quite have seven years, no not until Thursday. I have the firsts, and I hold them close
The first time someone found enough worth in me to invite me to a recovery meeting, was the first time I realized I needed to have the tools it offered to learn to live sober, and free. So more firsts I could see
The first time I said The Seventh Step Prayer is as follows: “My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding
Written for Word-Challenge-of-the-day: first
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/first/
