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The first time I…

As a huge milestone is fast approaching, I am eager in anticipation to celebrate this day with my dearest. This Thursday August 6th, I will have 7 years of continual sobriety. No toxin in my skin for 7 whole years. Nothing to numb me, and make me dumb

So with that said I can remember back to getting sober. There were so many firsts. I had been drinking pretty heavy for about ten years total when I came to the realization I was totally insane (loco). I was bruised, battered, and stained. I was asleep, like a Zombie. I could barely talk, and most times my walk was staggered. My heart was as dark as the blood that drained from my own dagger. I was held captive in darkness, shackles tight. I could not run fast enough desperation of a dying woman was seizing me

There was no one let alone me I could please. I was so woe is me, and please pity my life. I did not know how to live sober, and free of my spiritual illness. Hope was gone, that was the song on repeat in my cast iron heart. I was dead inside, my blood had run to freezing

So getting back to the sobriety part. The magic, and the artistry of God’s gracious hand on me. Free! Shackles lifted, and lights blind. I was alive, and awake from my slumber. People could see there was no more alcohol in me

The first time I saw myself in the mirror, OH DEAR! What had become of me

The first time I talked without slurring my words, I actually spoke with poise

The first time I said, “I love you,” and felt its meaning

The first time I looked outside, and saw all the earths majesticness I had been blind to

The first time I cried, raw and organic. It flowed like the storm on the night of the Titanic. Years of tears. I was drenched with sorrow, that I cast far away from me with God’s forgiveness

The first time I hugged, I didn’t want to let go it felt so good to swallowed like a bear. Not a single care

The first time I prayed. I could feel the spirit envelop me whole. For this had been years since I had that kind of know

The first time I was grateful my list was as long a hymnal I sang the chorus over and over. For thee I adore once more

The first time I laughed it was loud, and obnoxious like I had never made that sound before. Yet I felt it deep

The first I was learning Lisa. There was so much to learn. It is was as if I was in school just for me, the A, B, C, s’

The first time I kissed with much nervousness do I even know how. Like do I practice or something I only knew under drunken uninhibitedness

The first time I made a genuine friend, do we talk over tea over something. It was so exciting you see, especially for a drunk like me

The first holiday, I remembered it all. I was festive, and a bit jolly. Break out the Holly

The first time I grieved, even my dad who had passed in 1983. My grief list was too quite lengthly. I had lost a lot in my toxic trance. Now time to take a glance, and then put it all to rest

The first time I started to find new likes, and loves that were all my own. Wow, to be my very own person. The codependency in that broken bottle gone. My age like that of a child, with much wonder. Pure amazement. Easily amused

My list of firsts could go on, and on because I still have some even seven years later. The one thing I know is these firsts are never to be taken for granted. I live my life “one day at a time,” and can never forget where I came from. I work my life with my spiritual house having to be guarded. These firsts are all dependent on my spiritual house, and where I sit. So today I don’t quite have seven years, no not until Thursday. I have the firsts, and I hold them close

The first time someone found enough worth in me to invite me to a recovery meeting, was the first time I realized I needed to have the tools it offered to learn to live sober, and free. So more firsts I could see

The first time I said The Seventh Step Prayer is as follows: “My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding

The first time I snorkeled was this weekend
What a blast all weekend at the River
This is my smile as genuine as a mile post on a sign, I love my life. I live “one day at a time.” . My husband & I so Devine!

Written for Word-Challenge-of-the-day: first

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/first/

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The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS Aug. 1/2020

More than anything my laugh is deeper, heavier, louder, and bellyaching when I am with my husband. We have so much fun when we are together.

We went to the river today to just relax, and do some snorkeling. I had to use the bathroom. He says, “I think the portapotty’s are right by the canopy.” Such a great play on words. I couldn’t stop laughing, I barely made it to the canopy. 🤣 It really was one of those that smelled like a can of pee, but when you got to go you got to go…

All masked up & ready to go!
Snorkeling fun, River fun

Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “more.” Start your post with the word “more.”

https://lindaghill.com/2020//07/31/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-aug-1-2020/

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All the Children of the World 🔴🟤🟡⚫️⚪️

All the Children of the World

I grew up in the church singing in Sunday school. Many times throughout my day songs will pop up in head. I will find myself humming, or singing them with much nostalgia gushing through the words.

Some are just plain out silly little songs about Father Abraham having many sons, many sons had Father Abraham. Or there’s, will ya won’t, ain’t gonna, if I coach ya won’t ya wanna, ah come you said you woulda, why don’t you wanna talk about Jesus (ohhhh ahhh). Then you sing it faster, and louder, with much laughter. Sunday school brings back many fond memories for me.

Then there were more serious songs that touched the heart of even a 6th grader like me. Jesus loves me, This little light of mine, and of course Amazing Grace. All beautiful songs, all that are sung still today by young and old.

There is one in particular song that was just the best song in every way especially when every kid was brave enough to bare their voice. Jesus loves the little Children. It is went like this,
Jesus loves the little children
All the children of the world
Red, brown, yellow
Black and white
They are precious in His sight
Jesus loves the little children
Of the world.

In the moment of this song you knew Jesus did not have a favorite. We were all his children no matter our size, hair color, freckles, pimples, handicaps, it just did not matter. All bias was gone.

Jesus loves us all, He is our creator and their is no racism when it comes to His creation. All lives matter.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27

Written for: Word-of-the-day-challenge-racism

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/07/31/racism/

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Cee’s Black & White Photo Challenge: Lighting of Any Kind

Captured the light on a piece of art my Mother-in-law made when she was an aspiring artist. Now she is 84 with dementia
Candle light ambience
Lamp and Candle lit
Lit
Headlamp
Escalator Light reflections bouncing off each Criss-Cross
Side view of our faces basking in the sunlight
Moose chilling out in the sun of the Grand Canyon

Written for Cee’s Black & White Photo Challenge: Lighting of Any Kind

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Yes, I am in love with my bike

Yes if sat down, and was given a polygraph I could not tell a lie I am in love with riding my bike. Okay yes I would have to admit it is a love affair of sorts. I love the way biking makes me feel. It is a an absolute thrill, and my heart is happy with all it sees while out and about. All five senses come to life

Biking is like getting ready for a hot date with my husband, I bustle to ready myself for my ride. I try to beat the heat index. Hustling for selfies, and pictures of all sorts. Thank God I found my skins, and shorts

If only my next of kin could have such an encounter as I. It is so fly, especially when the breeze brushes across your forehead in the melt of the day. Looking from side to side at all of nature’s pride. Soaking wet my skin with miles sweat. You bet I am in love with my bike. I will not deny such favor. It adds a flavor to my life I can’t completely describe

Stopping to drink some water, lubricating by bones. It is all self gratification. It makes me look good, and feel good (I shall boast). My bike and I, we just get a long very well (let’s toast). It treats me swell, and I will pass this good vibe sport down through generations. There will be no fibbing on this mood my bike allows me. I am in such anticipation of my next ride, come on y’all too should give it a try. It couldn’t hurt maybe you to will absolutely love it. I am off just me, and my bike! My bike and me, see ya in a bit✌️ Off for a whirl

Three Things Challenge #311 by Pensitivity101 Affair, Bustle, Generation

https://pensitivity101.wordpress.com/2020/07/29/three-things-challenge/311/

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Keeping Him in my…

Keeping Him in my vision I know I can complete my mission

Keeping Him in my view I know I know there is nothing I can not set out to do

Keeping Him in my visibility lies so much more tranquility

Keeping Him in my field allows me to yield, and take heed His instructions

Keeping Him in my eyeshot makes me be able to connect all the dots

Keeping Him in my sight allows me to stay in the light of His spirit, I am far from perfect, yet I am striving with all of my might

As we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18

Written for the Word of the Day Challenge: sight

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/07/29/sight/

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July 28 Photo a Day

Summer is officially here in Spokane Washington. The heat index is prepared to reach 102 degrees this week. Summer is my favorite season, there is something to be said for the good ol’ Vitamin C. I feel better upon rising, and sleep better for how active I am.

I wanted to ride this morning before it got to hot that I became delirious. Not to mention dehydrated which is a real worry in these parts of the country. So I loaded up, and went 10 miles. I pushed myself up some pretty good hills. I stopped to grab a couple photos of what makes our city beautiful. We are known for our parks here. So I did it, and now I am home. I will be all the better for it when I turn out my lights tonight. Thanking God I am healthy, and getting stronger with each passing day. Mastectomy recovering is no walk in the park, but hey I will try, and I will ride.

Riverfront Park home of the 1974 World’s Expo
I love my life today!

Written for Citysonnet Photo a Day Challenge: Hot

https://citysonnet.wordpress.com/photo-a-day-challenge/hot/

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Open your eyes

Open your eyes, can’t you see how murky the water is. Open your eyes can’t you see the water is rising at a rapid speed. Open your eyes can’t you see your own insanity. Daily surviving has become your purpose. You’re so used to living under neath the surface.

Open your eyes can’t you see the jet black veil that covers your face, is it even a surprise it has blinded your sight. Open your eyes can’t you see it’s pitch black, and their is no light. Wake up! You sleeper, you’re so used to living underground.

Open you’re eyes can’t you see all five of your senses are dead. Open your eyes can’t you see your head is on backwards. Open your eyes can’t you see you don’t even know your left from the right. You’re so used to living without any direction, correction is unwarranted. Open your eyes can’t you see you’re so used to living in your coal-black life.

Open your eyes it’s so cold look around at how far down you have fallen. Open your eyes you’re unclothed, and without blankets. Open your eyes you’re so dull to the mossy earth filled hole you have gotten yourself in. Open your eyes to the grimy sloth you have become. You’re so used to living without any feeling.

Open your eyes to your inky pupils. Open your eyes look up, stop looking down. Look up from the lurid waters. Look up, and pull the veil away from your face. Look up from that grimy chamber of self loathing. Look up, and see the light. The light will reveal your clothing. You’re so used to living vulnerable, and exposed. Self malice. You’re completely calloused.

Open your eyes you are no longer drowning, your veil has vanished, and your feet are on soft dry land. Self pity has at last left you, and your eyes are brilliant with light. Your spirit is now filled with living water. Now get used to living, directions, and sight. Know with God who extended His hand in save of you, you don’t have to live with barely surviving being your purpose. You know longer have to live underneath the surface. Open your eyes.

Say to those with anxious heart, “Take courage, fear not. Behold, your God will come with vengeance; The recompense of God will come, But He will save you.” Isaiah 35:4

This was written in response to the Word of the Day Challenge: Inky

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/07/28/inky/

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July 27 A Photo a Day

The phone rang, and my husband said “pack for the weekend we are getting away!” Oh how much I desired this reprieve away from the humdrum of our every day life. “I said, what do I pack?” My voice cracked with a kid like thrill. He said just your suit, and some shorts.” Just keep it simple honey.” We are headed to the lake.” Diamond Lake, Washington here the Boyd’s come, wohoo!

It is amazing what a short stint away can do for the refreshing of your soul. We had such an incredible time with great friends at their lake house. To think it was only a half hour out of town, and it felt like the city was millions of miles from us. We were so detached from our normal lives for just two days, and so attached to the lake. We had great company of friends. We laughed hard. Our bellies could feel the deep laughter in our abdominal muscles. We were flirtatious, and fun with one another. It was so uplifting, our smiles grew larger the longer we played. God knew exactly what we needed. A mini-vacation!

I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.” Jeremiah 31:25

Firsts for us. Kayaks what a blast! A little daunting on muscles I had not used since my double mastectomy. I was not gonna pass this opportunity up for anything though!
Headed right for the motor of our friends boat, my face says it all! Lol!
Out cruising the lake in the boat
Soaking it all in!
Lenny & I. Me & Lenny.
Fisherman 🎣
My hubby trolling
I can’t pass up capturing an American Flag in a photo, these people had their own island
BBQ’d Ribeye’s, Corn, potatoes
I was so in love with the lake
My honey & I. Me & my honey!
Bonfire conversations are some of the very best
Look at that coloring
What I woke to, and took down to the dock when I woke for my morning prayer. No one else was up just me

This was written in response to Citysonnet Photo a day Challenge: July 27: Vacation

https://citysonnet.wordpress.com/a-photo-a-day-challenge/2020/07/27/vacation/

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It was as if…

It was as if I was an infant once again. My understanding of my life seemed so elementary. Ascribe to the Lord, oh my soul. Simply seek him all day through. For I was brand new

It was as if it was my inaugural, and all were waiting to see my next response. I was adorned with garments that glistened, and my spirit listened to that still small voice nudging me into Him. For I was brand new

It was as if I was at the premier of my own life, and all the strife was laid to rest. I had passed the test. Tried, proofed, and scrutinized. It did not matter, because Jesus went out before me. Open the curtain for all too see, let them all approve of God’s craftsmanship. My smile will beam, and it will be enough for my own spot light. My spirit will be blinding to the spectators in the auditorium. For I was brand new

It was as if I was finally adopted into loving Father’s family, and His initial was engraved in my heart. I was His masterpiece. I was His work of Art. Molded, by my potters hands, and autographed so His inscription was burned into me while in the kiln. For I was brand new

For I was brand new, and I now I wore the proof inside me. It poured out of lips when I spoke. I was soft, and supple. Like a leaky faucet, and no one was going to turn me off. The harsh abrasive me was dead. I was spirit lead. For I was brand new

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17

Written for The Word of the Day Challenge: initial

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/07/27/initial/

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Cee’s Black & White Photo Challenge

Nature is speaking through the serenity of the waters still
Waterfall spilling wild with beauty
A river runs through it
I see faces after the storm the clouds are speaking its scorn
I always stop, and ponder a family of Turkey’s. They are so tight. If all families could be such as these

This is written for Cee’s Black & White Photo Challenge: It’s all about nature

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All eyes were on me, watch my video to see just how goofy I can be…

Me singing “I wanna get Physical”! 🎤

How could I not smicker as I look back on this video taken on my 10.21 mile bike ride? It makes me giddy from deep within. I get goofy on my bike. The child in me comes out. All the sights, and sounds all around skimming by from side to side.

Biking is my all time favorite pass time. I am a little over three and half months post double mastectomy. This by far is the most tragic surgery I have had in my lifetime. So when I got the green light, and all systems go (all restrictions lifted by my surgeon) you can only imagine my delight!

My mind went right to my mountain bike, it is my happy place! I was given life after a devastating diagnosis of breast cancer. God has been so very gracious to me! So I think when my family/friends see these videos I make it is of no surprise. I am so filled with gratitude for how phenomenally well I am healing. Kneeling every morning in praise of His name!

In all this it has caused a renewed appreciation for life, and a new love for the life God has gifted me! Never take a single moment of this life for granted, for none of us ever know the day or hour we may be called home.

“One day at a time”, that is all I have. It all belongs to my loving God. I am not delirious from fever of the heat I ride in, I am just plain goofy (it is hot out there 96 degrees)! Life is too short, I am living my best life today! So goofy I will be, no matter who’s eyes may be on me….

Written for the word-of-the-day-challenge: smicker

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/07/24/smicker/

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Me, and words!

I have this thing for words. I dote on certain metaphors, and analogies when someone one is speaking. Leaky lips of banter. Puns are so much fun, play on words, jokes, and rhymes, just to name a few. Words are so amusing

I have this thing for words. Allegories are groovy too. I mean come on to have to look between the lines, or deep within an impression to reveal the hidden meaning. It is a bit sultry, and scheming

I have thing thing for words. They say “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words may may never break me”. An idiom made up in 1872, that is far from true. What comes from the tongue is all too often a representation of the heart. Think of it like a game of darts

I have this thing for words, they are sweet. Always wanting for a notepad to jot down something witty, or so mint. If I could only implement that later in the day I often think, but new words come and go as quickly as the rain. Some leave us laughing, and some leave us in pain

I have thing for words. It was a childhood dream to be a wordsmith. I always had pen to paper, and turned my creative writing homework in with a giant grin. How long ago it seems I got that blue ribbon for my work at the young writers conference

I have this thing for words. Beloved to my soul, and now I get to express these words how ever I wish. Like a really great make out kiss. Me, and words or is it words and I? I just have this thing for words

Written for: word-challenge-of-the-day-sweet

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/07/23/sweet/

Pen to paper, black to white, all these words come and go as quick as night turns to day. Another word comes my way….
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My savior walks on water

The wall fell down, and I allowed myself to tip toe into the water, as the sand melded into my toes. I could taste the salt water as it brushed my nose

I knew I was safe because my savior walks on water. The ocean was vast, and the tide was rising. I felt so clean my spirt inside me gleaned, I was competing with the lighthouse lights. My senses were set on fire

Longing for the sun to set, I was setting out to skim the water. Just to have it flush with my skin, this was no mysterious being. It had all been a part of God’s creation. Which was now my new spirit filled destination. All of what was me drifted way out to sea as fast as the fish schooled by

For the wall fell down, and I allowed myself to tip toe into the water, the sea was vast the currents tide fast. I knew I was safe because my savior walks on water

Three Things Challenge #303 by Pensitivity101 Been, Clean, Wall

https://pensitivity101.wordpress.com/2020/07/21/three-things-challenge-303/

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God grant me the serenity was so in order, over and over again…

The phone rang, and I saw the number as it rang in my hand, okay here it is. “Can I speak with Lisa Boyd please”? I knew I had to be cordial, my character is consistent with that of grace. On this day I admittedly was battling the inward struggle of being poked, prodded, and stripped down to my bare body of awkwardness.

Swallowing back the nightmare of that cold sterile table, I knew all to well I would soon not by my choice be bottoms up. I barely managed a muffled “this is she”. All the nurse spoke on was all in one ear, and out the next. I had been here so many times I could not even count on both hands. I had the nurses script memorized by heart.

So…no deodorant, hairspray/gels, jewelry, makeup, anticoagulants, no shaving my armpits, yadda yadda…

I was just so exasperated by the three for one special I was getting. Three different spots of concern, and three totally specific yet distinct biopsies. Three all in one swell swoop, woo-hoo where does one sing up for these things (with much cynicism)? Good grief, none of this was working well with my heart. I could not play this off with as much mockery as I had wanted. It was eroding me from the inside out.

My attitude was quite disconcerting one of injustice all most. I had a how dare they think they can do this to me mentality. That was when God brought me to a place of not forgetting where I came from, how far He by His grace He had brought me. At this point in my 46 years here on earth I was given the gift of sobriety six and a half years before this new found for me inconvenience. This was a disturbance in every way to what was my life now, it was tragic. It was uncomfortable, and I had no peace. All I felt was a lack of serenity.

It was what is called “life on life’s terms”. I had the ability at this time to have a unified faith in God that He had every part of my story already written. He was the author, and as well the ultimate surgeon. I had the qualifications in this time to pray that God would reveal His very presence to my weary soul. I had an uncanny way of analyzing the tripe out of everything if I was not God conscious. I could not afford at this time to be there, I had to “keep it simple”. I had to have a United front with God, one that took away my instability. I knew the key to my tranquillity was willingness, and with that surrender would follow suit.

And there it was, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”.

The day of my appointment had arrived, and so we went. We were hand in hand tightly gripped my husband and I. Praying our way through the whole drive. We arrived at my biopsy appointment before the roosters crow. I undressed down to nothing. I laid down on the cold sterile table allowing the nurses to posture my body in all sorts of cumbersome ways. I didn’t like any of it, and I wished I did not have to be there with one breast hanging through a hole cut in the table. I wished I was not going to be poked, and prodded, and my breast was not going to be manipulated by hands that weren’t my own.

My three for one special that did have risk of infection, and hematoma’s had begun. I could feel the numbing needle, as well the dripping of my own blood as the vacuum was being placed for the first biopsy. I laid as still as one could lay, like a corpse. My heart though was beating to the beat of my makers, I was so alive with the spirit of my loving God. I was at peace.

Hours passed, I was washed, and bandaged up. I was given ice packs, and at home care instructions. I proceeded with a little help to dress. I was wobbly, and painfully walked to the waiting room, where I reached for my husbands hand. We walked out hand in hand tightly gripped. Linked to our God as we now had a grueling wait of the results. Our journey of surrender had only just begun. “One day at time”, we were drawn into God consolidated in our prayers. We were three, a triple braided cord bound by His grace.

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:12

Written for: word-challenge-of-the-day-United

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/07/21/united/

We were one, yet three with our loving Father we chose to be. Our foundation built high up on the rock of his foundation. He was always faithful to place on dry land. We never had to fear drowning…we had the gift of new life in Him!
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I was not getting out of this one nimbly…

I was the only woman once again waiting in the Mammography waiting area, all my tests had been done. Woman after woman walked out of the Mammography screening being told, “alright you can get dressed, and just expect a reminder letter for your annual check up in the mail”.

I knew this old song and dance all to well, they were going to want more imaging, and possibly an ultrasound. The minutes were eating at me. I was agitated as each woman came from the dressing area, with their phone in hand giggling “yep I’m all done”…

Ugh! Just go home then I thought to myself, stop rubbing it in. A good half an hour had passed, as my husband waited for me in the waiting room. I then hear “Lisa will you come with us”? “The radiologist would just like to get some more imaging”. I seriously had been here so many times. I was in such distress all I heard was blah, blah, blah…

I knew this was not your casual breast check appointment. I knew I was not going to hear what I wanted to hear that day. God was speaking though, and prepping me for what was to come. He was able to penetrate my heart through all the blah’s, and muck my brain had become.

After the imaging they had me go in a room, and wait for the doctor to come speak with me. I needed my husband, I was frantic asking them to please go retrieve him from the waiting room. “Brad that’s his name”, can you go get him please”. “Yeah Brad”! They could not have hurried any faster on my account.

So there we were hand in hand, waiting as we both knew what was next was going to be the prelude to a very long journey that neither of us could ever have been prepared for.

God is so gracious to meet us in our time of desperation. He was gingerly speaking to my heart, as the Doctor explained all the areas of concern. He was there to softly calm our souls. His presence was so known. All the unrest dissipated.

My husband, and I walked out hand in hand gripped tightly. No words were exchanged. We made the appointments for three separate biopsies to take place at one time, all in the same breast. All in the next week (sigh)! We realized no one was taking this lightly. So that is when we began taking it all daily before the Lord. For it is all we knew to do, pray!

And so our journey began hand in hand…and gripped ever so tightly

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

Written for: word-challenge-of-the-day-lightly

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/07/20/lightly/

God gifted me this love, and I love this man so much! He has held my hand every step of the way! He is my best friend, and love of my life!

Continue reading “I was not getting out of this one nimbly…”
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Feature:

A hand, the sky, and a God so much bigger than I

As I begin you will read all that exposed me, and made me look up! I looked up, and raised my hand up from the mire. I extended my hand, as my body was buried under shame, and self affliction. I looked to the heavens, and to my God who was stronger than I. My frailty was no longer a match for this world. I was crushed by the rock that was higher than I. The rock fell on me breaking my very being. I caught a glimpse of the beautiful sky, and God said, “Lisa I am here”. So here is where I began. A hand, the sky and a God so much bigger than I.

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Posted in Photo Challenge

August 3 Photo a Day

There is nothing more Fresh
I feel so fresh when out on my bike
So fresh you feel on a hot summer day after a swim in the River
Our grandson so young, and fresh with youth turned “1”! How did we get so old?

This is written for Citysonnet photo a day challenge: August 2: Fresh