I am unable to post any pictures do to storage issues that I don’t have time to take care of at the moment. Hopefully soon enough though…
I got Covid last month when I had posted about my Breast Implant Illness, and my surgery to remove my implants was postponed. It is tomorrow, and I am so anxious. I am trying to know there’s a place where fear has to face the God I know. This is that place. Tomorrow at 2:00 is this place. As I write this tears are welling up in my eyes, I am just tired in every aspect of life. Yet I am blessed, and this I know.
My breast cancer journey has been so long, and this body is very tired. I know it is the absolute right thing to do, yet I am human. I do fear the unknown. I don’t know what that first glance in the mirror will be like. I already lost my breasts 2 and a half years ago, but aesthetically I have had two sets of implants now. So I don’t know what a flat chest will look like.
I have such a beautiful support system (my husband), family, and friends are surrounding us in prayer! Please if you pray, pray with us. I just ask for peace that surpasses all understanding.
I don’t have a lot in me today. So I will keep it short. Blessings all…🙏🏻
So I figured it was time to share my heart. I haven’t had anything to write for quite sometime now. I had my 4th Breast Cancer Surgery 6 weeks ago. I didn’t even feel like sharing this with all of you. This was 4 very big surgeries in a year and half. I am tired, yet grateful. I am empty, yet full. I am just focusing on getting through the days, and trying hard to keep it simple.
I imagine I don’t really make sense. I have been posting photography so my blog does not become stagnant. I will be turning 48 in 2 months, and my body is having such a hard time bouncing back after this last surgery. I am not depressed, I am just tired. I am so grateful I did not have to have Chemotherapy, or Radiation. A double mastectomy was enough to mess with my already complex brain. Acceptance with my new body parts took me a year and a half. It was after this last surgery I finally found acceptance. I know without a doubt as much as I did not want to endure another surgery it was God’s will for this to happen. I am finally at peace with looking in the mirror, where I was horrified to look at myself before this last surgery. The mystery of God’s will never ceases to amaze me.
He knew what I needed, and what it would take for acceptance. I was in prayer, and literally on my knees begging God for this for so long. I wasn’t sure if it would come. I trusted He had a plan, and patience was crucial to my survival. As well working my recovery daily, because half measures I know avail me nothing. So I have stayed very vigilant in prayer, and my daily conscious contact with my very loving God.
So here I am tired, and not a single desire to write. I just figured I would share (it was about time). I always know God has his best no matter what. I had a flat tire, and He fixed it. Praise God! My life with my husband is feeling more like “us”, and I am feeling more like “Lisa”. All glory to God. Hopefully I will write again sooner than later. Blessings WP friends, God is so faithful this I know!
And there it was a number overly recognized on my caller ID. We had just prayed with the knowledge I had ripped all of my stitches that held my tissue expander in place, and tore my muscle that my last breast cancer surgery would be moved up.
That ring was God answering our call, we had changed the date several times. We just moved so that became priority, then I just way over did it. Me! Anyone who knows me knows that is just how I work. I wanted so desperately to get my home all decorated, and settled in. Well that is all done, I am fresh out of excuses. As well I am very uncomfortable to say the least. Sleep is hard, and my left breast is discombobulated. It moves inside a little too much for my liking. So of course I said yes. God heard our cries.
My surgery for my breast implants is December 21 at 9 a.m. So I am getting new boobies for Christmas. I am nervous mostly with all of the Covid cases, but I trust God as my ultimate surgeon. As well my oncologist put me in the hands of one of the best plastic surgeons in our city. I expect the best outcome. Yes it is not natural, but at 46 it was the best decision for me. I couldn’t imagine having no breasts. We thought about every option, and every route woman take when given a double mastectomy due to Breast Cancer.
I woke to a disturbing private message begging me not to do this. This lady quoting “she is saving my life.” As if I haven’t done all the research on the pros and cons of Breast Implants. As well I have a very complex makeup. I have had numerous surgery related complications, and allergies as well. My surgeon is very well aware of my previous hardships. So to say I was a little put off by her unwanted opinion is an understatement. I don’t wish to start any morning off with a lack of Serenity. Yet there I was, feeling like who does she think she is? I was angry, and put off. I got emotional. I allowed her to take my peace, just for a minute.
Immediately my husband, and I went to prayer. We together asked God to intervene. I can’t afford to have my Serenity be upset, nor be in fear and not faith as I am readying for such a huge change in my life. I am so grateful I know when my spiritual house is disturbed. So now my heart is back on track, and we have a lot to do before my surgery to be ready for our Christmas.
Thanking God today who always keeps me on the right path to the next right thing. Thanking God for hearing our plea to up the date. He is so faithful!
I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Psalm 116:1