As the deer panteth, so my soul

My feet were so feeble, tired and calloused from years of running. I was always on the run. Just could not imagine if I were to feel. It was no longer a balancing act, I couldn’t even manage that

I had buried all my secrets in my skin. Love was just a camouflage for what was rage seeping through every word. I was as red, as red as red could be. Spewing venom, green

I became introverted with selfish lust for what was a bottle. One of broken promises, it was my only friend. It told me what I wanted to hear. Whispered lies into my ear, I knew my end was near

There was a small light I could see at the bottom of the hole I had buried myself in. I was so thirst-y for something pure. I wanted life. Death had become me. Zombie breath, and broken hearts all of my making. Blood stained hands, and no regret. Yet I knew there was something better. The tiniest glimmer

I swore I didn’t care, and as long as I couldn’t feel. Ill I intended to stay. Then that day the light spoke through the dark. I could feel a reach for my corpse. A lifeline so divine

I was thirst-y for a new way of life. Becoming tired of my own face. I wanted my broken smile to rise above me. Flee from the puddle of tears I lied in. Rid the locusts eating my flesh

I was thirst-y for the living water that was being spoon fed to me, by my Lord’s hands. My hearts compass was trashed, but God gifted me a new plan for my weary bones. No longer alcohol could it hold

I thirst for what was fresh, no more wretched breath. I wanted eyes that could see, hands that could feel. A body not so brittle. I was thirsty for what was pure, and holy.

In this time God did for me what I couldn’t do for myself. I no longer drool for that tonic, and long gone are the days my feet are on the run. I wake with great clarity, and another day I thirst for the gift of life in the precious blood Jesus gifted to me upon Calvary. I humbly start each day on bended knee. Never forgetting that cavern I was buried alive in. New life in Him

As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God. Psalm 42:21

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2021/05/13/thirst/

He gave me a clean slate

I was barely surviving living underneath the surface had become my purpose, treading water with the weight of the world pushing me under with each move of my arms. Bled my blood for the sharks to tug of war, and pull me to shreds. I was in my hardest of hearts already dead.

I couldn’t dare look in the mirror of fear of what might stare back at me. The monster within me had been unleashed. Each guzzle of that booze I became green with envy, and woe is me was my new game. With rage bursting through my veins. The air around me felt like a cage. With each sip I slipped away into the bottle to disappear. I was my own genie.

I recall the day knew I could no longer dance with the devil. I could not dress up for his call. I did indeed fall, but knew I wanted back up. I wanted back all that I allowed to be taken away with my insane brain. Bruised, battered, and stained. I cried out for my Heavenly Father in save of my life. He heard my cries, and lifted me from my depravity. His grace surrounded me. He protected me, and guarded me until I was clean of heart to start over again with Him.

God stepped up, and in. He held me up when I was to feeble to walk. He took stock in me. He cleaned me up, wiped away the crusted years of tears. Threw away my alcoholic stank clothes. Breathed into me a new breath of life, and with that my took my fears. I could feel the warmest embrace, softest hands in touch of my face. I did not have a desire to harm myself, all I wanted to do was bask in this new found truth.

He enable~d me to see just for a moment with a new set of eyes a world I had not seen in all too many a year. Tears of joy soaked my face, I knew the wall of shame I built so high was down. I could see the crown, the prize awaits if I could keep on keeping on even at a snails pace.

I could no longer woe is me, or drink with the freaks. I was not her anymore. I was His! He heard my cries, I love the Lord! He emabled me a new life. The old was washed away that day. I realized I must ask forgiveness of the whore I was. Amazing grace of was given to me, He indeed heard my plea. He enabled me to do the next right thing, from minute to minute at first. Now those minutes have turned to years. How sweet my Father’s love for me! Tears for new life in Him, until the end…

I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Psalm 116:1

After 6 1/2 years a mother and daughter reunited by the gracious hand of God! He saved a wretch like me!

https://www.wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2021/04/28/enable

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS Dec. 5/2020- God take my will, and my life according to your plan

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “list.” Make or talk about a list. Enjoy!

I have one thing on my list of things to do today. It is simply to step back giving this “one day” over to God and saying “thy will be done, not mine”. When I do this, I get out of the way. It is miraculous how God shows up. He just simply allows the day to go exactly according to His will. I reap the benefits of peace no matter if it something simply marvelous that comes to me, or possibly very painful. He is present in all circumstances, and I am never alone!

My list is to be who God calls me to be today! Maybe today you sit with a grieved, heavy heart. Maybe you are filled with fear, and uncertainty. This world is a little upside down, and backwards. It is not without a purpose though. There is hope in the midst of every storm.

We can dance in the rain, smile in the pain, and raise our hands in praise for He has all authority. He is sovereign. I will today trust God knows better than I do what is best for me. In Jesus name my list is given to my Father, best friend, and He walks on water. He does circles in miracles around my life.

Don’t give up before the miracle happens. I almost did, then I saw a glimmer of light. Now today 7 plus years later I get to delight in giving Jesus Christ my life.

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

“Don’t give up before the miracle happens”

http://lindaghill.com/2020/12/04/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-dec-5-2020/

Adrift no more, anchored at the cross she gets life abundant

Adrift she is not, for He touched that one very sweet spot. She grabbed for it as it was her last life. Sweet as a honey bee, and its nectar

He gave her a hand up from under the cloud covered all consuming of “I”. “Woe is me”, no more

Down the river she will never float again in fear of pulsating rapid’s, she does not live like she is immortal. Reckless abandon no more

She is anchored in the cross for there her sobriety wins, “one day at a time” a daily reprieve it must be

Adrift no more He took her very broken wings, and allowed them to soar singing with release fly

She is no longer choking upon her breath, He breathed a new life of breath in her. Death only at His hour, all power to Him

She is no longer in wander with lack of directional purpose, she is in the pursuit of God’s compass 

She has hope for her youth has been restored when He scooped her up from her own drown in her own self pity

Iniquity is not swallowed away with a gulp. An angry middle finger does not exist in protest. In his His throne room she lingers, she sits with hope. At His right hand there she can be found safe and of sound mind, sanity reigns. Insanity tossed at the foot of the cross

Adrift that is no longer a part of her life unless it is for recreational sport, for God took a spear in pierce of her heart

Adrift no more, He has wiped her slate clean of her fixaction. Tied down, anchored, clinging …”Stable” now that is not a word she thought would again be in her vocabulary

For God is her lifeline divine, and stability she found, adrift what is that? …she has been found! Abject to her own misery no more

2 Corinthians 5:17

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/11/18/abject

There was no rhyme or reason with alcohol and I, death was my play day after day

There was no rhyme or reason to anything I did in a day nor what I would say. I was captivated by the pull of the bottle as it helped my feelings not to be at play

With each drink making all of what was MY life go away. The pull so great. Enebriate allow me to dance with the bottle day after day, adversity chants

I could never get my fill, I was seeking my own kill. The thrill of all the chaotic madness to sit at bay. Leave for a whole day. Play with me, drink me to sleep. Sing me a lullaby. All in my head. Drink me deaf, and dumb

Wake again to bathe it into my pores. An alcolohic insanity. Travesty awaits. Pick the bottle back up again, Lisa was ready for her game

There was no rhyme or reason I just wanted it to all go away. Who cares how you feel, I don’t feel so just leave me alone to wallow in my pity. Oh you hurt, whatever. You don’t even know my pain

Can you imagine trying to reason with a person such as who I was? Lost in the fuzz. Just let me get buzzed, and sit in my selfiness. Drunkin stupor. This was my 24/7. My mind so crazed it was my heaven

God could not touch my callsoused heart. It was an art. Wearing my mask, and hiding alcohol in my skin

Thank God for His grace and He shook me from this place. Turned my life upside down. Saved me from my drown. I was a bottom feeder before, but man did I ever hit bottom. There was nothing more to do

I desperately needed the ryhme and the reason. Tis the season for change. No more deranged. I wanted a rhythm in my heart, and needed to feel my pain. Stained as I was it was time to trade my bottle for the cross

Put it down drank the grace God poured out. Drink it daily. One day at a time. My life has been given back to me. No more trying to slit my wrists with alcoholic bent

I sit here in awe at all my Lord has done. I see the sun/son! My days are not dark, I walk in the light. Alcohols just an excuse I do not adore. Just a horror 

My hands raise up in thanks for He saved my life from my own self. All I want is His will. Praising God his mercies are new every morning. For this story God gets all the glory!

Romans 3:24 But by the free gift of God’s grace all are put right with him through Christ Jesus, who sets them free

I am today in a recovery program that gives me the tools to live life on life’s term without having to pick up a bottle, this is contingent on my spiritual house!

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/10/15/adversity