I was barely surviving living underneath the surface had become my purpose, treading water with the weight of the world pushing me under with each move of my arms. Bled my blood for the sharks to tug of war, and pull me to shreds. I was in my hardest of hearts already dead.
I couldn’t dare look in the mirror of fear of what might stare back at me. The monster within me had been unleashed. Each guzzle of that booze I became green with envy, and woe is me was my new game. With rage bursting through my veins. The air around me felt like a cage. With each sip I slipped away into the bottle to disappear. I was my own genie.
I recall the day knew I could no longer dance with the devil. I could not dress up for his call. I did indeed fall, but knew I wanted back up. I wanted back all that I allowed to be taken away with my insane brain. Bruised, battered, and stained. I cried out for my Heavenly Father in save of my life. He heard my cries, and lifted me from my depravity. His grace surrounded me. He protected me, and guarded me until I was clean of heart to start over again with Him.
God stepped up, and in. He held me up when I was to feeble to walk. He took stock in me. He cleaned me up, wiped away the crusted years of tears. Threw away my alcoholic stank clothes. Breathed into me a new breath of life, and with that my took my fears. I could feel the warmest embrace, softest hands in touch of my face. I did not have a desire to harm myself, all I wanted to do was bask in this new found truth.
He enable~d me to see just for a moment with a new set of eyes a world I had not seen in all too many a year. Tears of joy soaked my face, I knew the wall of shame I built so high was down. I could see the crown, the prize awaits if I could keep on keeping on even at a snails pace.
I could no longer woe is me, or drink with the freaks. I was not her anymore. I was His! He heard my cries, I love the Lord! He emabled me a new life. The old was washed away that day. I realized I must ask forgiveness of the whore I was. Amazing grace of was given to me, He indeed heard my plea. He enabled me to do the next right thing, from minute to minute at first. Now those minutes have turned to years. How sweet my Father’s love for me! Tears for new life in Him, until the end…
I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Psalm 116:1